Am I going crazy?

[megirl]

I am so agitated, angry and depressed all in one its like all I can think about is death. My thoughts that are going around in my head are like telling me to drive my car into a power pole or river. I cant see how to do this much longer. I can control the urge but its getting hard. I dont actually know what to do. I worked yesterday, barely coping my collegues well without them helping me I would of been stuffed.
A few times I was talking these words that came out of my mouth didnt even make sense??? I dont even know where the words came from. I am scared.
Its like my brain doesnt belong to me.
I have spent most of today crying and then screaming at my husband.
I cant ring my support worker as last time I saw her she told me we will start not seeing each other as much cos 'we are only going around in circles'
And my psychiatrist and me came to the conclusion that this is something I need to accept. Except I cant accept this
My number one problem is who do you turn to when you know noone can help?

 

[mo2011]

Hope

I understand when there seems nowhere to turn for help as that's the position I'm in. Maybe someone on here with your condition could be helpful in exchanging ideas. I'm hoping someone on here that I can talk to. I don't really know much about bi polar . Good luck

 

[Apollon]

It sounds like manic depression...
I suggest that you should seek help from psychotherapist!
Psychotherapy would be great for your state of mind!
Don't worry, you won't go crazy so fast, but seek help while you still can cope with your thoughts, before they take you over completely.
Some medications can do miracles in your condition, but the most important is to speak about your problems with psychiatrist.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Good luck.

 

[megirl]

I have been getting help for the last 8months! Have been on lots of meds still really depressed which my psychiatrist is fully aware of! She has basically told me that I need to accept that this is just how it is. Thats the problem! I cant accept it and why the fuck should I?
And to make it worse my support worker has said we need to distance ourselves as we are going around in circles.
Doesnt leave me with many options now does it?
No wonder so many people end things and the so called experts wonder why?

 

[TOONAFISH]

i cant believe what these professionals are saying to you. first of all to say 'distance ourselves' its your mental health worker not a lover ffs. they are supposed to be there to help you when you ARE going round in circles its their job

and when people say to just accept it it is so hard to deal with eh. feeling this bad has got to be wrong.

they seem so unsympathetic. i just want to scream for you!!! sending you a massive hug.

have they tried to change the meds

((((megirl)))

 

[snnny]

your support worker is paid to support you that's his or her job to help you find ways of coping and managing yourmental health but no one will ever be able to cure you. often the delusions ect are just the tip of the iceberg of much deeper problems that perhaps counselling or psychotherapy can try and solve. in the mean time accepting what is happening to you dont fight it and getting help is probaly the wisest thing to do. Go off sick for a bit as well right now you just need time for your mind to slow down-which it will eventually.

 

[gothicminx]

Have you asked your support worker to explain what she means by that? By definition, psychotherapy is sometimes going to include periods of going round in circles but that doesn't mean you should be cut off from treatment.

 

[megirl]

Thanks TOONAFISH I appreciate that I think my psychiatrist is reluctant to try furthur antidepressants like the trycyclics due to the lethality of overdose but I only overdose cos I feel like this and my husband keeps my meds locked up.
The last two weeks have been hell again I think my hubby will ring the support worker tomorrow and tell her how its been so I guess if she does actually ring me I will ask her what she means by going around in circles I will also tell her that this is hell and no-one should be expected to accept this as if things will always be this way cos that is how it feels at the moment. Its scary when hope gets taken out from under your feet

 

[warriorprincess]

yeh seriously go fr it - it's appalling how far they seem to push us! I think it would help if your husband does call someone, sorry I've not read every post but is it possible for you to see someone else? This sort of thing should be reported. Good luck sweet, keep posting I'll try to keep current xxx