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am i doing the right thing?

L

littleme

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my boyfriend has depression and has been getting gradually worse. he wont get help but does admit he has a problem.

hes got really bad the last few days and has said he wants to end it with me (after 6 years). he says he is no good for me and lets me down (he often doesnt want to go places which i understand and quite often goes off for days without contacting me) he keeps saying its the best thing for me and he is useless.

at the moment our only contact is via text message. i keep telling him i love him and want to be with him and that it will be ok in the end but he just keeps saying that although he loves me its the best thing for me because he has been so bad and hurt me so much.

i know he is trying to push me away and have no doubt he still loves me. i am trying to give him space and just texting him telling him i love him and reassuring him. am i doing the right thing??

i dont want to walk away as i love him, and want to help.
 
daffy

daffy

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Hi there, is your bf getting any help. If not why not go with him to the GP. If youve been together for 6 years he must trust our instinct. You dont say if he depression has just started. If so has something triggered it

Living with someone with depression can be hard, but with the right treatment, (not necessarily meds) it can be made so much better.

Please persuede him to see someone

Oh and welcome:grouphug:
 
Fedup

Fedup

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my boyfriend has depression and has been getting gradually worse. he wont get help but does admit he has a problem.

hes got really bad the last few days and has said he wants to end it with me (after 6 years). he says he is no good for me and lets me down (he often doesnt want to go places which i understand and quite often goes off for days without contacting me) he keeps saying its the best thing for me and he is useless.

at the moment our only contact is via text message. i keep telling him i love him and want to be with him and that it will be ok in the end but he just keeps saying that although he loves me its the best thing for me because he has been so bad and hurt me so much.

i know he is trying to push me away and have no doubt he still loves me. i am trying to give him space and just texting him telling him i love him and reassuring him. am i doing the right thing??

i dont want to walk away as i love him, and want to help.
Firstly hello and :welcome:

Like Daffy say's as he seen any one ?
If you have no doubt he loves you .......... why not sit him down and tell him you are with him 100% and offer to help him get help etc.

I understand he may need some space also , this is something you may have to respect i'm afaraid and maybe only text every other day or sommet.

Hope you find a positive solution that you are both agreed on .

Takecare now :grouphug:
 
L

littleme

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thanks for your replies, sadly i have tried to get him to go to the gp but he wont. have suggested councilling and said i would go with him if he wanted but he would not do that either. he is now signed off work as he is so bad but the sick form says "fatigue under investigation" so i have no idea what he has told the doctor.

i believe he has had depression since his teens, he says he was bullied at school and also his parents split up.

he just wont admit to anyone but me he has a problem. he hides it from his family and now it appears the gp too!

today he has not replied to any of my texts. im trying to stay calm and not panic and just carrying on as normal, telling he im there for him and wont leave him. hes pushing me away, and part of me thinks i cant cope and should leave but a bigger part of me says i love him and want to stay and help him through:(
 
sandybob

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he's lucky you are so understanding.

would he be open to looking on a forum such as this?

a large part of depression can be a feeling of "uselessness".. (it certainly is for me)

sounds like your boyfriend feels he doesnt want to be a burden (even though you dont see it that way)

perhaps if he could see that he's not the only one who feels that way , that depression is more common than he might think and that seeking professional help isnt an admission of some sort of failure, but more a show of strength.

all the very best

stay strong x:flowers:
 
daffy

daffy

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What sanybob says is a good idea. The thing with depression is feeling no one understands how desolate you can feel. Try and get him onto the forum then he can realise he can have annonymous support.

good luck
xxx
 
M

maudikie

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to Little me.

Have you tried backing off for a short while? Perhaps the fact that you care so much, which is laudable, can make him feel a bit pressurised. At least he has seen the doctor, so that is good. And remember that what transpired is between himself and the doc. So don't pressurise him to tel you.
I have every sympathy with both of you. But i think you both need a bit of space. Perhpas if you could take a few days holiday apart - and no texts etc. it might clear the air.:grouphug::grouphug:
 
J

JackANDZero

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Hi Littleme, I can totally empathize with you and where your coming from, sometimes trying to support a loved one with MH issues can feel like a tug of war but after a while you begin to understand that you just have to let your loved one choose their path. You may never fully understand how they are feeling but you will adapt to it, learn to cope, support them and live your life together:)

The main thing is that your bf is admitting there is a problem and that is soo positive because its such a start in the right direction. The most important thing that you guys have is that you love one another and that your willing to support him in his journey.

This forum has so many heart warming yet amzing stories of people over coming barriers and learning to cope with MH that it can only ever serve as light in the darkness.

:hug:
 
L

LittleMissMe

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Aug 2, 2008
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Hi LittleMe, I'm LittleMissMe!

My bf also has depression and I know how hard it is :( This time last year I was in your position, trying to get him to go to the gp. Feel free to PM me or chat on here :flowers:

Edit: I've just noticed this thread is quite old!! How is your bf now?
 
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