am i developing psychosis?

Y

yeehaw

New member
Joined
Mar 27, 2019
Messages
4
Location
israel
#1
hi.
im 18. female. graduated june of 2018 and ever since then have been doing pretty much nothing.
im very worried im developing some sort of psychotic mental disorder. sometimes, ill look at something, and think, what if there was a camera there, filming me? - for example, what if some pervert in the company that made my guitar set a tiny camera on it in hopes to film people undress in front of it? or also, i was sitting on the toilet one day singing as i always do, and looked at the hole in the wall near the door. i never cared about it, tho i always make up scary stories in my head and start to kinda believe them, not fully tho. im very anxious about people hearing me sing, so i thought - what if my parents put a camera in the toilet and are listening to me singing? i know its a crazy thought, but when i make up these scenarios a part of me starts to believe them in a weird way. kind of like, i ignore the reality and logic that i have to prove me otherwise. i KNOW my parents would never do that. why tf would i even think that? but then again, i sometimes remembered that thought and stopped singing, 'just in case' even tho i dont actually believe that. same with the guitar. i once or twice avoided getting undressed in front of it because of the fear that there could actually be a camera, and that i would be filmed and my pics would go on a porn site or something. sometimes ill just dismiss these thoughts and tell myself 'thats absolutely crazy wtf' but other times ill actually like, be cautious. its like im in a different state of mind at these moments. its also only when im self conscious about being seen/heard doing the things i mentioned. its like i make the stories up to make myself anxious for some reason. are these considered delusions? if so, i have had more of them in the past. i used to sometimes as a child and also when i was a younger teenager, avoid thinking sexual thoughts near my parents, just in case people could read thoughts and also i just felt uncomfortable. i dont think people can read thoughts, but i rarely wonder about it momentarily. i also used to sing really loud when home alone. my dad has a professional mic that is on at all times in his work room, and one time the thought popped into my head, "what if the mic is actually recording at all times, and my dad listened to it once and stumbeled upon my horrible singing and ever since has been listening to it without me knowing?" again. im aware its a crazy thought. its like i separate my knowledge and common sense at that moment from the thought about something like that, and i dont fully believe it, but "just in case" avoided singing next to my dad's room sometimes. idk why i have these thoughts. ill mention i have OCD, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, body dysmorphia, and depression. i also think i have superiority complex because of how much i actually hate myself. pleASE answer, my psychiatrist never lets me get to my point and i just want someone to help me understand why i sometimes have these crazy thoughts THAT I MAKE UP IN MY HEAD WHEN IM BORED AND ALONE but then end up acting if they were true, like some sort of "if that was reality" way of thinking. im also in a pretty shitty physical state, lack many vitamins and havent really left home or socialized much in 10 months now. THANK U IN ADVANCE im really scared i have something psychotic and havent stopped crying because of it. also started taking prozac (with a diff name)
 
N

natalie

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Joined
Aug 1, 2014
Messages
10,833
#2
Hi yeehaw,

I think that you should get back to your GP, and seek a referral. You need to have a different pshychartrist, for a 2nd opinon. Also, via here at MHF, we cannot have the remit to diagnose you that is not our purposes, if I understand right, so you must, and I s tress must, seek medical mental health assistance further about this.
 
L

linus

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Joined
Mar 27, 2019
Messages
332
Location
Eastern Europe
#3
I know that I regret I didn't notice such symptoms of my son earlier and maybe he wouldn't have enter full-blown psychosis, it all started with some paranoid thoughts that he exchanged with a few friends that didn't bother to tell us in time. Indeed you should go for a second opinion without disclosing that you have been already diagnosed with anything and just discuss current symptoms and then adding past emotions. Anyway as I try to understand how could a psychosis episode happen it seems it could have a huge trigger from depression and social anxiety so keeping your psychological defences lower and relaxing yourself could make you trust a bit more the environment around you with time and get you better.
 
Y

yeehaw

New member
Joined
Mar 27, 2019
Messages
4
Location
israel
#4
thank you both, tho your replies have made me even more worried.
linus,
is your son fine now? im very scared of having a psychotic episode.
what did he go through? did he have to be hospitalized?
did he have hallucinations in addition to his delusions?
also, did his delusions sound similar to what im describing? like, i know theyre insane, i know they have nothing to do with reality, yet i ignore that and get myself anxious over the thought of them. they come and go. sometimes ill tell myself how stupid it is and ignore that thought.

natalie,
thank you. im going to do that, and seeing my psychologist on friday.
 
L

linus

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Joined
Mar 27, 2019
Messages
332
Location
Eastern Europe
#5
I don’t think you have to worry in the sense of getting hopeless, but this is an early warning your are getting that you need help. My son it’s not fine, we are struggling to reduce the complementary symptoms and we hope that with time he will get back to reality as a whole. His paranoid thoughts have developed to a full ideatic system in which he is a subject to an experiment and everybody is against him, no arguments are pushing through, for him is a reality, he doesn’t question his thoughts at all. He as hospitalised against his will for 10 days and no hallucinations as far as we can tell.
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
284
Location
NZ
#6
hi.
im 18. female. graduated june of 2018 and ever since then have been doing pretty much nothing.
im very worried im developing some sort of psychotic mental disorder. sometimes, ill look at something, and think, what if there was a camera there, filming me? - for example, what if some pervert in the company that made my guitar set a tiny camera on it in hopes to film people undress in front of it? or also, i was sitting on the toilet one day singing as i always do, and looked at the hole in the wall near the door. i never cared about it, tho i always make up scary stories in my head and start to kinda believe them, not fully tho. im very anxious about people hearing me sing, so i thought - what if my parents put a camera in the toilet and are listening to me singing? i know its a crazy thought, but when i make up these scenarios a part of me starts to believe them in a weird way. kind of like, i ignore the reality and logic that i have to prove me otherwise. i KNOW my parents would never do that. why tf would i even think that? but then again, i sometimes remembered that thought and stopped singing, 'just in case' even tho i dont actually believe that. same with the guitar. i once or twice avoided getting undressed in front of it because of the fear that there could actually be a camera, and that i would be filmed and my pics would go on a porn site or something. sometimes ill just dismiss these thoughts and tell myself 'thats absolutely crazy wtf' but other times ill actually like, be cautious. its like im in a different state of mind at these moments. its also only when im self conscious about being seen/heard doing the things i mentioned. its like i make the stories up to make myself anxious for some reason. are these considered delusions? if so, i have had more of them in the past. i used to sometimes as a child and also when i was a younger teenager, avoid thinking sexual thoughts near my parents, just in case people could read thoughts and also i just felt uncomfortable. i dont think people can read thoughts, but i rarely wonder about it momentarily. i also used to sing really loud when home alone. my dad has a professional mic that is on at all times in his work room, and one time the thought popped into my head, "what if the mic is actually recording at all times, and my dad listened to it once and stumbeled upon my horrible singing and ever since has been listening to it without me knowing?" again. im aware its a crazy thought. its like i separate my knowledge and common sense at that moment from the thought about something like that, and i dont fully believe it, but "just in case" avoided singing next to my dad's room sometimes. idk why i have these thoughts. ill mention i have OCD, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, body dysmorphia, and depression. i also think i have superiority complex because of how much i actually hate myself. pleASE answer, my psychiatrist never lets me get to my point and i just want someone to help me understand why i sometimes have these crazy thoughts THAT I MAKE UP IN MY HEAD WHEN IM BORED AND ALONE but then end up acting if they were true, like some sort of "if that was reality" way of thinking. im also in a pretty shitty physical state, lack many vitamins and havent really left home or socialized much in 10 months now. THANK U IN ADVANCE im really scared i have something psychotic and havent stopped crying because of it. also started taking prozac (with a diff name)
It's a Good idea to have an assessment but what you describe definitely sounds similar to my experience when I had psychosis
 
JustMek

JustMek

Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Spain
#7
Hi yeehaw
I'm some days late but I hope you still read me.
You don't have psychosis because you can tell those thoughts aren't true, and that's the main point. However you may have some early simptomes.
First thing, don't panic, the cause it's probably all the stress and the others mental problems and you noticed it very soon so you should do quite good with early treatment.

Make your doctor listen to you or look for another one.

I hope I'm useful
 
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M

Miller77

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2019
Messages
46
Location
somewhere
#8
hi.
im 18. female. graduated june of 2018 and ever since then have been doing pretty much nothing.
im very worried im developing some sort of psychotic mental disorder. sometimes, ill look at something, and think, what if there was a camera there, filming me? - for example, what if some pervert in the company that made my guitar set a tiny camera on it in hopes to film people undress in front of it? or also, i was sitting on the toilet one day singing as i always do, and looked at the hole in the wall near the door. i never cared about it, tho i always make up scary stories in my head and start to kinda believe them, not fully tho. im very anxious about people hearing me sing, so i thought - what if my parents put a camera in the toilet and are listening to me singing? i know its a crazy thought, but when i make up these scenarios a part of me starts to believe them in a weird way. kind of like, i ignore the reality and logic that i have to prove me otherwise. i KNOW my parents would never do that. why tf would i even think that? but then again, i sometimes remembered that thought and stopped singing, 'just in case' even tho i dont actually believe that. same with the guitar. i once or twice avoided getting undressed in front of it because of the fear that there could actually be a camera, and that i would be filmed and my pics would go on a porn site or something. sometimes ill just dismiss these thoughts and tell myself 'thats absolutely crazy wtf' but other times ill actually like, be cautious. its like im in a different state of mind at these moments. its also only when im self conscious about being seen/heard doing the things i mentioned. its like i make the stories up to make myself anxious for some reason. are these considered delusions? if so, i have had more of them in the past. i used to sometimes as a child and also when i was a younger teenager, avoid thinking sexual thoughts near my parents, just in case people could read thoughts and also i just felt uncomfortable. i dont think people can read thoughts, but i rarely wonder about it momentarily. i also used to sing really loud when home alone. my dad has a professional mic that is on at all times in his work room, and one time the thought popped into my head, "what if the mic is actually recording at all times, and my dad listened to it once and stumbeled upon my horrible singing and ever since has been listening to it without me knowing?" again. im aware its a crazy thought. its like i separate my knowledge and common sense at that moment from the thought about something like that, and i dont fully believe it, but "just in case" avoided singing next to my dad's room sometimes. idk why i have these thoughts. ill mention i have OCD, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, body dysmorphia, and depression. i also think i have superiority complex because of how much i actually hate myself. pleASE answer, my psychiatrist never lets me get to my point and i just want someone to help me understand why i sometimes have these crazy thoughts THAT I MAKE UP IN MY HEAD WHEN IM BORED AND ALONE but then end up acting if they were true, like some sort of "if that was reality" way of thinking. im also in a pretty shitty physical state, lack many vitamins and havent really left home or socialized much in 10 months now. THANK U IN ADVANCE im really scared i have something psychotic and havent stopped crying because of it. also started taking prozac (with a diff name)
Hi Yeehaw ( remember that!)

Had a quick read through your statement, firstly the only place spy cameras would be is in your I Phone cam or Laptop Webcam, if you feel they are somewhere in your home/room you can ask a professional bug sweeper would cost depending on how many rooms and size of them, or you can download apps on an Android device that will give you some indication if your right or not, this may put your mind at ease.
Also your only 18, this might sound out of touch but you're still going through hormonal chemical changes in your brain, this is not necessarily signs of mental illness, though if you see a Psychiatrist they will most certainly say you have one! Get It, in my opinion, you may benefit from seeing a good counselor for stress/anxiety, they provide professional talk therapy and cant prescribe med's as these will most certainly fuck your young life up without a doubt, Try calling around friends or try dating. The more you give time to psychosomatic nuances and futile whims, they will grow being you feed them. If you play guitar try starting a band and express these things in a song, listen to post-punk, or something like that and send me a copy of the demo tape/mp3. I hope you are able to move on with clarity.
 
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willow423

willow423

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Austin
#9
I agree with JustMek ... When I have gone into psychosis, I was totally unaware that I was ... and when people told me I was not making sense, I believed there was something wrong with them ... not me. The fact that you are able to have a conversation with yourself and rationalize whether these scenarios are real or imagined makes me think it's not psychosis. That's not to say that you don't have a lot on your plate. It sounds like you are dealing with very real anxieties.
 

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