- Jun 2, 2020
yknow how some people get there wires twisted and like things your not supposed to? this is the way ive felt about deppression and suicide. i fantasize all day every day and it feels like the biggest part of my personalty, nothing will ever matter when your planning on it happenning. when i was 13 i had this feeling like there is no way that my life will be happy, i told myself in the middle of puberty that i will never be anything and that i deserve nothing in this life, most likely from verbal abuse from my mothers boyfriend at the time. fast forward to 27 and every single morning i wake up and sit for about an hour and a half debating on weather to take a shot and lay in bed crying all day or trying to live my pathetic painful existence, not a single freind, bad breakup after being single 7 or so years, and im most likely going to be homeless within about a month, i cant talk to family, fuck, i cant even work at mcdonnalds barely. im even reguessing my sexuality since quarantine, i dont even care to have sex at all, i just want to feel like im worth anything.