Am I depressed?

[Casper_1]

I am a recovering alcoholic and heroin addict. Been clean and sober for over 4 years through the help of rehabs and AA. I had to rebuild my life from nothing, and have done very well for myself (externally). I managed to live a spiritual life.
I have been through many hard times before. But never have I felt as bad as I do at the moment. I’m not sure if I have or have ever had depression. I feel so low, lonely, run down and sad. Felt this way for months now. I can’t function properly, can’t eat, sleep or smile. I can’t focus at work and making loads of mistakes no matter how hard I try. I feel like I’m messing everything up and hate myself. Heart racing all the time. Is this depression? Don’t know what to do anymore

 

[jajingna]

Sounds like you are depressed. Any help available? Well done on the sobriety and welcome to the forum.

 

[Casper_1]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have help with AA. Although it’s been difficult attending during lockdown. I have a sponsor, who I have told how I feel. She has told me that it’s me that’s putting myself through this. My attitude at looking at things negativity and self pity. I agree that somethings that can be true. But on this occasion I feel so bad and would do anything to feel better

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

please don't hate yourself ,i bet your a lovely person x welcome to the forum x we are happy to have you here
Lu x

 

[Mistral]

Well done for getting free from those addictions. Depression can creep up on you even when you think things are going fairly well for you. It may seem like a challenge you just do not need after all you have done to improve your life. I would use all the resources that you can find. You certainly need help in my view. Do you have any AA literature that could help you?

 

[Casper_1]

Well done for getting free from those addictions. Depression can creep up on you even when you think things are going fairly well for you. It may seem like a challenge you just do not need after all you have done to improve your life. I would use all the resources that you can find. You certainly need help in my view. Do you have any AA literature that could help you?

Thank you for taking the time to reply.. yes I have all the AA literature, big book etc. I work the program. And have a higher power. But at the moment I find I just can not connect to it or anything. AA saved me and could solve any problems with it. But now I can’t seem to do anything and get out of this dark place

 

[karl7]

welcome casper.....AA helped me kick alcohol.....i think those groups are great.....i know how tough depression can be but remember you will get better......have you tried NA?

 

[treasurebox]

Know and believe that there will be better days.
Music helps me. Music therapy or listening to good and uplifting songs in youtube makes me feel and think better.

Also doing what I love to do which is writing helps me too. What do you love to do? What are you good at? Is it cooking, baking, gardening, doing arts and crafts? Do it and it will make you happy and even be successful.