• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Am I depressed?

S

Seekay2019

Member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Canada
I feel very conflicted. I grew up with a mother who has clinical depression and it caused a huge rift between us - as a child I always strived to not be like her because of the hurt and frustration her illness caused in my childhood. I am a high achieving person and have a good life objectively, married to an amazing partner and have a good education, friends etc. but I just feel like my heart is broken. I never have motivation to do things, and rely on artificial motivation like deadlines, taking educational courses (structured environments) and caffeine to do things. I feel tired of life, most days it feels like an uphill climb and I’m sick of not really caring about anything very much. I don’t feel suicidal but I often don’t care if I live much longer. I feel bored of life.

I have always tried to push through, never wanted to have the label of depression because I associate that with my mom and I just HATE IT. Because of this, I have a hard time being objective about my own mental health.

So I’m asking here, does this sound like depression? Or maybe I’m just a grumpy person? What would you recommend?
 
T

Trekster33

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
134
Location
South West UK
Depression is an illness not a weakness. My mum has similar disabilities to me which is why we clash sometimes.

Low motivational depression is a type of depression. It can be caused by low histamine levels which can be helped by eating strawberries, but if you have hay fever and/or take antihistamines this can be counter productive.

I also rely on structured predictable environments and caffeine to do things. I think perfectionism can be a blessing and curse, not knowing when you've done a good enough job rather than striving for a perfect one.

You could be depressed then again you could have something else going on as well.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 7, 2018
Messages
1,377
Location
Lost
unfortunately depression can run in families, denying or fighting against it because of your past will only contribute to it (if you do have it)

then again, you're still managing to get on with life, even if it feels like a drag, you might just be burned out than depressed, although those can intertwine

either way, no one here can diagnose you, but what you mentioned are common with depression, so you should talk to someone that has a better and professional opinion if it is weighing you down
 
S

Seekay2019

Member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Canada
Thanks for your answers. I find it so hard to know if it’s worth going to the doctor to talk about it... all the doctors I’ve spoken to seem to expect me to self-diagnose... like if I say I want drugs, they’ll give them, and if I say I don’t they say ok. No real assessment. Plus, I’m coping ok generally and I fear for the consequences of being diagnosed because of issues with getting health insurance and things like that. It’s terrible that we have to make decisions like that... but I also feel a responsibility to myself and my partner to do what I can to actually enjoy life.
 
R

Roo

Member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
17
Location
UK
I also grew up with parents who had depression, especially my mum who has depression, ptsd, ocd. I never really felt close to her and have alway got the back end of her emotions on a daily basis and I too never wanted to be like that or act like that toward my kids when I eventually have them.
At the age of 20 I could no longer cope with being around my mum and I had to move out, this rash decision was made when I started having anxiety and panic attacks in the middle of my shift when working/running a pub with a friend. Looking back now my parents have always affected me and from a very young age I have suffered with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts that I have only just admitted to myself and acknowledged.
If you don’t see things for what they potentially could be, things will get worse. You have to do what right by your mind and yes doctors are shitty but go and get advise/help. Get a diagnoses and then accept meds. Not the other way around.
 
Top