Am I depressed ? If not, why do I feel so miserable ?

[ste1200]

Hi, for some time now I've felt deep down really miserable.

I'm 30, male, slightly underweight, but with no serious health problems.

I shouldn't be unhappy, I've got a house, a steady job albeit not well paid, but its a job and a steady income with some possibilities for improvement. I have just got engaged to my long term girlfriend and have a positive future.

However I just always feel so tired and miserable. It all seemed to begin when I got gastritis 2 and half years ago. At that time I was drinking alot, smoking and had a terrible diet. Since then I've had all sorts of stomach and bowel problems, which for the time being have seemed to subside.

Since that point, I have stopped drinking alcohol almost all together. I have a very dry mouth alot of the time and alcohol makes it alot worse. I also am scared of how I will feel hungover. I have also stopped smoking and now have a healthy diet.

I seem to have turned my life around but instead of feeling good, I feel worse that ever.

As I don't go out drinking, I have pretty much lost all my friends, and don't go out socialising.

My job is stressful and I also have another couple of jobs to keep the money coming in, so I am busy, but not over-busy.

I don't know how to relax, I do yoga which helps, but I always seem to have racing thoughts. I often think of the past: stupid things from years and years ago that repeat over and over. Things that embarrassed me, but wouldnt have been a big deal to anyone else. Things that pleased me, again little things, compliments I have been given, that normally would be forgotten about 2 minutes after they happen, but I am remembering them 15 years down the line.

I don't really exercise, mainly being because I get really hot and can't seem to cool down. I also don't really like the feeling of being exhausted.

I feel so tired and my back, neck and shoulders seem to ache constantly. My eyes are really sore and I they are really sensitive to light. I get hot flushes from time to time and often feel overwhelmed for no reason. I think I have a phobia of being ill. If I get a sore throat for example, it will do my head in, and I will obsess about it. I just can't seem to snap out of this hole I am in.

Last Friday I had a sigmoidoscopy which came back normal. Instead of feeling happy and relieved, I was worrying that I could have picked up an infection in the hospital. I really struggle to find pleasure in anything. I constantly think about life and the way everything works, I can't seem to just live normally and be happy.

Am I depressed ? I feel so alone in the way I feel.

Ste

 

[jamesdean]

I certainly feel that you should see your gp perhaps print off this post and show it to them.

 

[ste1200]

Why do u think this please ?

 

[ste1200]

Does anybody else have any thoughts on this ?

 

[Apotheosis]

Hi STE1200

Stress can have an immense effect on our well being. That is one thing.

You say that you had an unhealthy lifestyle. That can take years to recover from - there are no quick fixes - I'm over 8 years in T-Total recovery from 17 years in Addiction - Despite a small slip. Well, I see it as being early days still; some days I still feel done in, a lot of that I am sure is from what I did to myself for 17 years.

I too have looked long & hard for answers to how I have felt with many things.

Lets face facts - there is a vast array of reasons as to why we feel bad - from a soul-less society; to the stresses of modern living; pollution, & all sorts, to other less apparent potential causes.

It may be the circles I move in - but people don't seem well - no one does; really; I have observed that everyone appears to be getting sicker. Why is that? - I would think that there are a plethora of reasons, some highly complex, & on a multiple of levels. What the solution is?; is also a hard question.

Bio-Medicine supplied me with no kind of solution or answers - I have sought out my own explanations & answers.