Am I crazy?

1

1234567

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Joined
Jan 4, 2017
Messages
15
#1
Pretty unfussy title I know. I just don't manage to explain my situation clearly...

Basically, I'm still young but feel like I won't ever be able to do something with myself, because of all that's going on up there in my head. I don't know if I'm mad, or just a little differently wired, I have no idea... I feel like I'm not as capable differentiating reality from imagination as average people are. I'm constantly disconnected from the real world and can't control the habit, I don't even know what reality looks like anymore. I am even convinced ever since I was a little kid that I should have been born a boy, which I present as everyday. I live in an english bubble 24/7, which isn't even my native language. Everything about my reality is "fake" to other people's perspective. I guess I could say movies and writing are my passions... They're simply my outlet from the outside. I hate being around people, it feels like everything about them is fake and planned, almost like robots. They will keep talking about themselves, and I'll say what they want to hear. I often catch myself thinking about many things while someone's talking to me, I don't even realize it most of the time. People tend to not take long to irritate me, they make me violent and anxious. I smoke weed a lot, that's the only way I can remain nice to people. I also have very agitated dreams, and sleep barely 5 hours a day, I often wake up in the middle of the night scared of everything. I don't cry or anything, I just get a very agitated heartbeat along with sweat. I just wish I could stay inside my imaginary worlds forever, I simply feel extremely maladjusted to this world... That's probably the reason why I'm constantly stoned, it's a perfect way for me to cope with everything around me. I don't do other drugs because I've done them when I was a kid and I've seen how harmful they can be, I try to stay away from them as much as I can... I know I wouldn't be able to quit if I happened to do them again.

I just see no future ahead of me, I'd like to write and make movies, but for that I need to get into the industry which means social life and everything else... I just want to be allowed to stay alone, I'm just not capable of being a functional member of society.

I guess I could have written this on paper and throw it in the trash, but posting it online and sharing personal issues isn't that what normal people do?

Anyway... thanks for reading
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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#2
Hi 1234567,
Welcome to the forum, the likely cause of your symptoms is the weed.
Are you able to stop to see if your symptoms go away?
There are many drug charities that will help you. Your GP could refer you to a drug program so your able to come off the weed.
Good luck
Take care
 
1

1234567

Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2017
Messages
15
#3
Thank you for your suggestion, but I've always been this way, I just smoke weed to help me with all of this...
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
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17,147
#4
Thank you for your suggestion, but I've always been this way, I just smoke weed to help me with all of this...
just ignore the Reefer Madness crew, they have no fucking idea. My issues presented themselves YEARS before i smoked, it comes from being the family punching bag from birth.

To Quote George Michael, RIP; I smoke weed because it keeps me sane and happy.
 
1

1234567

Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2017
Messages
15
#6
just ignore the Reefer Madness crew, they have no fucking idea. My issues presented themselves YEARS before i smoked, it comes from being the family punching bag from birth.

To Quote George Michael, RIP; I smoke weed because it keeps me sane and happy.
Right same here, I bet my issues would be even worse if I didn't have weed to calm me down ^^ George Michael was awesome ;)

I don't know. Who are you violent with. Scary.
I have only really got violent with people when they deserved it though... Otherwise people in general tend to piss me off, then I just get internally really frustrated and mad, I don't know they just always push the "anger button" in me.
 
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B

brittany.smart0316

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Jan 2, 2017
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syracuse
#7
Hello, all of this is new to me. This whole forum thing. Anyway, I can really relate to feeling like I'm trapped inside my own head, only my reason is the opposite of yours. It sounds pathetic, I want to be socially involved with people. I just can't I don't know what it is. I can say, weed has helped me also. I have a nine month old son, so I try not to do anything else. Sometimes, I too feel detached from reality, I feel trapped and I can't get out of my head. I have a lot of the symptoms of BPD, so therefore my moods and thoughts and actions are all discombobulated. Sometimes I feel like I'm detached from my child, I have a hard time connecting to him, and to other people...anyway, sorry for rambling on..It just makes me a little relieved to hear that I'm not the only one dealing with feeling like she's stuck inside her own head, living everyday, yet it feels like I'm detached. Sometimes, nothing seems real.
Hold your head up.
p.s being a young single struggling mother with a mental illness, I too feel like I'll never be able to do anything with myself. Oh and I too enjoy watching movies, they really are a good way to 'escape reality' and to be able to imagine what it'd be like living as a 'normal person'. To just for once, have a normal life routine and to feel happy and belonging.:)
 
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BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Messages
17,147
#8
Right same here, I bet my issues would be even worse if I didn't have weed to calm me down ^^ George Michael was awesome ;)



I have only really got violent with people when they deserved it though... Otherwise people in general tend to piss me off, then I just get internally really frustrated and mad, I don't know they just always push the "anger button" in me.
you have to keep your hands to yourself, it makes life a lot easier x violence is never an answer. No judgment ive dealt with people ive felt like literally knocking sense into them.

George Michael is awesome, people are only just starting to find out but he gave something like 150 million pounds to charity, anonymously.
 
1

1234567

Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2017
Messages
15
#9
Hello, all of this is new to me. This whole forum thing. Anyway, I can really relate to feeling like I'm trapped inside my own head, only my reason is the opposite of yours. It sounds pathetic, I want to be socially involved with people. I just can't I don't know what it is. I can say, weed has helped me also. I have a nine month old son, so I try not to do anything else. Sometimes, I too feel detached from reality, I feel trapped and I can't get out of my head. I have a lot of the symptoms of BPD, so therefore my moods and thoughts and actions are all discombobulated. Sometimes I feel like I'm detached from my child, I have a hard time connecting to him, and to other people...anyway, sorry for rambling on..It just makes me a little relieved to hear that I'm not the only one dealing with feeling like she's stuck inside her own head, living everyday, yet it feels like I'm detached. Sometimes, nothing seems real.
Hold your head up.
p.s being a young single struggling mother with a mental illness, I too feel like I'll never be able to do anything with myself. Oh and I too enjoy watching movies, they really are a good way to 'escape reality' and to be able to imagine what it'd be like living as a 'normal person'. To just for once, have a normal life routine and to feel happy and belonging.:)
Thank you for sharing your personal experience, I bet it must kinda suck to be in your position... I am personally not responsible for anyone other than my dog and being social with people is for sure not something I want ;) I'm glad we both get to relate on that, it really is like being stuck in our own head. Stay strong, don't you have the possibility of going to a psychiatrist? I tried two times and hated it, but some people say it can help.

Yes aren't movies great? :rolleyes: All my life they made me feel emotions that I couldn't get from people, some will say it's not healthy at all, but to me it's for sure healthier than getting treated like shit by "real people".

You're a very brave person, and don't hesitate to DM me if you need anything Idk... I'll be there ;)

you have to keep your hands to yourself, it makes life a lot easier x violence is never an answer. No judgment ive dealt with people ive felt like literally knocking sense into them.
I wish some people had listened to that... Anyway, the people I got in a fight with were also looking for it so I just took advantage of the situation, I'm not gonna feel guilty for that...

George Michael is awesome, people are only just starting to find out but he gave something like 150 million pounds to charity, anonymously.
Damn that's crazy, we need more people like him!
 

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