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Am I Bipolar?

L

laulipop

Guest
For about 5 years now (although it has only recently been brought to my attention in the last 2 months or so - well Ive only just started to accept it rather) my moods have been swinging violently.
However, as time goes on, it is getting much worse, to the point where it is seriously affecting the relationships I have with my family.
I had a bad relationship with my mum and dad when I was younger and that came to a head about 5-6 years ago and now I have no contact with them.
Anyway, i digress loosely)
My symptoms are:
irritability beyond all recognition with what I am irritable about e.g. the washing up not being done as soon as tea is finished etc
getting frustrated and irritable when people don't agree with me
my thoughts racing and so my speech racing ending with me not pronouncing things properly cos im trying to keep up with the thoughts running through my head
the busier i am, the higher i seem to get and initially i get extremely happy and have these grandious ideas such as 1130pm thinking right....in the morning im going to decorate the whole house from top to bottom
or i start cleaning at ridiculous times of the day and night and i dont feel tired etc and i feel really creative and i just want to be doing, doing, doing and then the higher i get the irritability then starts to come in and everything irritates me to the point where a slightest comment can make me explode and i start ranting and my language goes out the window and i become quite foul-mouthed.
Then I can have two or 3 days of relative stability and then I come crashing down with a bad depression. My latest depression started 3 weeks ago, but something new which has just started to happen is the mood swings can happen in one day. Whereas my period of feeling elated and happy and the irritability and the racing etc as described above lasted for nearly 3 months this time around and now im in a depressive phase which has already lasted 3 weeks and in the past have lasted in to 2 or 3 months before going back to the other mood i described earlier, though that seems to be the way the moods change etc, now I seem to be getting them in one day too. Like I can wake up being really down to the point of feeling suicidal and crying my eyes out and then to feeling really happy a hour or 2 later and then i peak at a point where i am happy and busy and then i get irritated and irrational and i come crashing and start getting angrier and more agitated and i pick my fingers (the skin around them until they bleed and i still carry on even then,) and i do more and more and then someone says an innocent comment or does something and i get so cross and then I start shouting and being self deprecating and get paranoid that its everyone else and they're trying to make me go mad and yesterday the moods happened and i sat in the dining room and cried and was thinking that it was some sort of conspiracy with my husband and my kids to make me mad and i was going to shut myself in the room and barricade myself in with all the furniture against the door etc and i started seeing patterns int he curtains (well faces etc) and thought that they were watching me and that freaked me out (although its happened before in different rooms etc) and I was shouting etc and then about 20 minutes later I was happy again.
It seems to have gotten a lot worse recently, although it could just be that i'm aware of it now, because for a long time i have been blaming everyone else around me for the way i am and thinking that i have been behaving normally.
Anyway, Ive been doing a lot of reading as someone mentioned to me about bipolar etc...do my symptoms fit in with it?
I have an appointment with the community mental health team on 15th june, but things are so bad im wondering about asking my husband to call and try to shift it forward. I can't cope with feeling like this any longer....i just want it to stop.
Any thoughts / advice etc would be gratefully received
thanks
 
L

laulipop

Guest
oh and....

I should probs mention too that I have for about 3 years now had all the symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome which my doctor loosely banded about as a diagnosis after exhausting the blood tests and ecg tests etc and I have no physical ailment apparently. Now Im wondering if actually it has never been CFS and has been bipolar all along....
About 5 years ago I had my first breakdown and went to the docs with that, but just beforethat I had this major high. At the time i thought it was just because of my new found love (my now husband who is tremendously supportive) and at that time (i had just finished my alevels and was assistant manager at a shop) and I was always conscientious and hard working and I just stopped going in early and started turning up late, my concentration was appalling and so my work rate was poor and I then got a chest infection and just didnt go to work and got my now husband to call in sick for me when i should have done it myself and take my docs notes in when i should have done it) and then i just gave up work when i had the breakdown. when i look back on it, none of that was right/rational.
 
G

grace68

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2009
Messages
599
Location
yorkshire
:( it does seem very much like bipolar to me, i can certainly identify very much with your experiences. it seems that you have previously had periods of intense overdrive, followed by bad depressions. now you seem to be in a 'mixed state'- there are some other threads on this forum about 'mixed states'. i don't know much about them, but it sounds awful to me- and very unstable. i think it would be a good idea to get your appointment brought forward urgently- it really does sound awful for you , i hope you will get the help you need- :hug:
 
L

laulipop

Guest
thanks

Aw. Thanks for your reply. It's warming to get responses and they can really help, so thanks very much.
I wondered about the mixed state thing too, so im going to have a look at the forums that you mentioned and try to do a little research on them. Ive been reading a book called bipolar for dummies and I can definitely recommend it for anyone who wants to learn more about it.
thanks again grace and if you want to chat let me know :)
:hug:
 
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