Am I bi-polar?

[Lou77lou77]

I bet you guys on this board get loads of messages like this, but I've come here after thinking for quite a while I might have bpd. I know I should go and see my doc, but I always feel when I go and see my doc about anything that he'll think I'm making it all up and that I'm wasting his time. I'm also worried about being out on meds, as I don't like that sort of thing. But tbh things are getting worse and I really need to do something. Sorry this could be long!!

I went through childhood with some what I now look back on as times of depression, but of course when you're a child/teenager it's just being moody! In my adult life ha I've always been a bit unstable and moody, always blamed my hormones as I've always suffered with pmt. But it was 10 years ago now that I had my first clinical depression. This came about after having a termination. I ended up losing my job over it and in the end my boyfriend also who just couldn't cope with the months of depression. I did finally go to the gp for help after my mum and bf being really worried about me, who wasn't too helpful (hence why I'm not too keen on going now) and just gave me a prescription for antidepressants, which I never took. A good friend of mine put me in touch with a counsellor which I went to see for a few sessions. It was then I started to feel much better, I thought at the time I'd just come out of my depression, but maybe I'd gone into a high instead. I ended up seeing somebody at work, I'd gone back to an old workplace after leaving my other job due to the depression, which ended up with me losing my job because of my behaviour. At the time I didn't see I was doing anything wrong, but I'd gone from being really good at my job to not giving a toss! I'd even started stealing money (only a bit, tips or money that'd be not accounted for, or so I thought!) which was totally out of character for me. I'd even go and steal biscuits out of the cleaners cupboard!! So I lost that job, but got another one soon after, which I behaved in. I then decided to go off to the US for 6 months, which I enjoyed to the full and came back with lots of debt.

After that I met my husband, I was pregnant within 6 weeks of meeting him. We're still together now, 7 years later and have three kids. I've had lots of ups and downs, mainly put it down to life. But some of the things I've done I just don't think are normal. I have been suffering from high irritability for years, I fly off the handle over the slightest of things, did think it was down to hormones and pmt but not so sure as it seems to happen anytime of the month. I ended up going bankrupt as I'd got into too much debt, but I still don't learn I just have times when I'm feeling good where I want to go and buy stuff, doesn't really matter what! Also sexually it's got really bad, I go from hating sex to not being able to get enough. I hate to admit this but I even threw the towel in on a job to start working as an escort! Not because I needed the money, just because I got the idea in my head after seeing something on tv and thinking hey I can do that so I did! For 18 months! I thought I was unstoppable and my head was certainly in a different place then! Luckily I have a very understanding husband although he doesn't help in that respect as somewhat encourages my bad sexual behaviour. But when I feel like that I just can't stop myself, I outrageously flirt and just need to sleep with different men. For the past year I haven't worked anywhere and don't know if I could cope with a job atm.

I get very obsessive over a variety of things from tv shows to men to shopping lol. For the past 3-4 months I seem to have been mostly on a high, very irritable at times, and become totally obsessed with a certain guy that I ended up seeing. This very nearly split my marriage up and things just got very very bad at home, but I carried on with my own little world in my head not worrying about who I was hurting along the way. I've been spending way too much money again too that we just haven't got, and then I feel guilty, but that doesn't usually last long.

I started feeling very depressed at the start of last week, and I haven't felt that way for a while. I was just feeling so so down and crying over nothing. I seem to have pulled myself out of that quite well but just feel on the edge at the mo. I've been keeping myself busy with spring cleaning and having a major clear out.

Another thing I've noticed lately is my inability to relax and chill out, my mind always seems to be on the go. I can't seem to sit down and chill for more than 10 minutes, it is so annoying as I want to, but my mind just won't rest and I end up having to do something or end up on the pc just doing nothing but still not relaxing.

I'm just so scared at going to see a doctor. My husband has commented lately on my behaviour, although his comments never help. He just says I've always been odd but I'm getting stranger etc, not helpful really!!

Some days I feel 'normal' whatever that is and think there is nothing wrong, but those days seem to be a bit few and far between. I feel for my kids and just want to be a good mum and act like a good mum, but I just feel like I'm not doing that and can't stop myself.

 

[jax]

Hi Lou, Lou. No one on this website is qualified to say if you have Bipolar - I would however suggest that you do go and see your GP. I am sure she/he won't think you are making it up - they, after-all, see this all the time. If your GP feels that you might have Bipolar or something else - then they will have you see a psychiatrist. Try to pick up the courage to see your GP. You never know - if you have seen much of your GP - they may well have noticed some things that can make you bipolar.
Good luck.
Jax x

 

[DiagnosisBipolar2]

I second what Jax has said and if your GP does think you are being silly (as the original trainee GP I had thought) then get another one!

You may or may not have Bipolar but only a consultant psychiatrist will be able to diagnose you properly and in order to see one you have to go through your GP.

So make that appointment!

Good luck with it all

 

[InMind]

I wouldn't suggest your general practitioner because the first time s/he prescribed you still didn't take the medication and because a PCP [primary care physician] doesn't have enough specialty in psych. medicine. A psychiatrist/psychologist is needed. If you can manage it, see both! The reason is most psychiatrist are like any other doctor [hurried, stressed, and more likely to just throw prescriptions at you] whereas a psychologist is going to focus more on solving precisely what why and how about your problems. Start with the psychologist and once everything is figured out, go to the psychiatrist whom CAN write the script [while accounting for your medical history].

I wish you the best!

 

[DiagnosisBipolar2]

I wouldn't suggest your general practitioner because the first time s/he prescribed you still didn't take the medication and because a PCP [primary care physician] doesn't have enough specialty in psych. medicine. A psychiatrist/psychologist is needed. If you can manage it, see both! The reason is most psychiatrist are like any other doctor [hurried, stressed, and more likely to just throw prescriptions at you] whereas a psychologist is going to focus more on solving precisely what why and how about your problems. Start with the psychologist and once everything is figured out, go to the psychiatrist whom CAN write the script [while accounting for your medical history].

I wish you the best!

You have to see your GP in the first instance to be reffered in the UK though NHS unless your first point of contact with the mental health team is through A & E or crisis team which is why we have given said advice.

 

[prettywoman]

I bet you guys on this board get loads of messages like this, but I've come here after thinking for quite a while I might have bpd. I know I should go and see my doc, but I always feel when I go and see my doc about anything that he'll think I'm making it all up and that I'm wasting his time. I'm also worried about being out on meds, as I don't like that sort of thing. But tbh things are getting worse and I really need to do something. Sorry this could be long!!

I went through childhood with some what I now look back on as times of depression, but of course when you're a child/teenager it's just being moody! In my adult life ha I've always been a bit unstable and moody, always blamed my hormones as I've always suffered with pmt. But it was 10 years ago now that I had my first clinical depression. This came about after having a termination. I ended up losing my job over it and in the end my boyfriend also who just couldn't cope with the months of depression. I did finally go to the gp for help after my mum and bf being really worried about me, who wasn't too helpful (hence why I'm not too keen on going now) and just gave me a prescription for antidepressants, which I never took. A good friend of mine put me in touch with a counsellor which I went to see for a few sessions. It was then I started to feel much better, I thought at the time I'd just come out of my depression, but maybe I'd gone into a high instead. I ended up seeing somebody at work, I'd gone back to an old workplace after leaving my other job due to the depression, which ended up with me losing my job because of my behaviour. At the time I didn't see I was doing anything wrong, but I'd gone from being really good at my job to not giving a toss! I'd even started stealing money (only a bit, tips or money that'd be not accounted for, or so I thought!) which was totally out of character for me. I'd even go and steal biscuits out of the cleaners cupboard!! So I lost that job, but got another one soon after, which I behaved in. I then decided to go off to the US for 6 months, which I enjoyed to the full and came back with lots of debt.

After that I met my husband, I was pregnant within 6 weeks of meeting him. We're still together now, 7 years later and have three kids. I've had lots of ups and downs, mainly put it down to life. But some of the things I've done I just don't think are normal. I have been suffering from high irritability for years, I fly off the handle over the slightest of things, did think it was down to hormones and pmt but not so sure as it seems to happen anytime of the month. I ended up going bankrupt as I'd got into too much debt, but I still don't learn I just have times when I'm feeling good where I want to go and buy stuff, doesn't really matter what! Also sexually it's got really bad, I go from hating sex to not being able to get enough. I hate to admit this but I even threw the towel in on a job to start working as an escort! Not because I needed the money, just because I got the idea in my head after seeing something on tv and thinking hey I can do that so I did! For 18 months! I thought I was unstoppable and my head was certainly in a different place then! Luckily I have a very understanding husband although he doesn't help in that respect as somewhat encourages my bad sexual behaviour. But when I feel like that I just can't stop myself, I outrageously flirt and just need to sleep with different men. For the past year I haven't worked anywhere and don't know if I could cope with a job atm.

I get very obsessive over a variety of things from tv shows to men to shopping lol. For the past 3-4 months I seem to have been mostly on a high, very irritable at times, and become totally obsessed with a certain guy that I ended up seeing. This very nearly split my marriage up and things just got very very bad at home, but I carried on with my own little world in my head not worrying about who I was hurting along the way. I've been spending way too much money again too that we just haven't got, and then I feel guilty, but that doesn't usually last long.

I started feeling very depressed at the start of last week, and I haven't felt that way for a while. I was just feeling so so down and crying over nothing. I seem to have pulled myself out of that quite well but just feel on the edge at the mo. I've been keeping myself busy with spring cleaning and having a major clear out.

Another thing I've noticed lately is my inability to relax and chill out, my mind always seems to be on the go. I can't seem to sit down and chill for more than 10 minutes, it is so annoying as I want to, but my mind just won't rest and I end up having to do something or end up on the pc just doing nothing but still not relaxing.

I'm just so scared at going to see a doctor. My husband has commented lately on my behaviour, although his comments never help. He just says I've always been odd but I'm getting stranger etc, not helpful really!!

Some days I feel 'normal' whatever that is and think there is nothing wrong, but those days seem to be a bit few and far between. I feel for my kids and just want to be a good mum and act like a good mum, but I just feel like I'm not doing that and can't stop myself.

Dont ever doubt yourself as a mum. Im sure you're a fab Mum. I worry about how I am with my daughter with my mood swings, especially as she's nearly 12 and edging towards the teenage moods (never easy). All I know is I love her with all my heart, and Im so proud of her. I hope she is able to say the same about me. x