Am I being bullied?

S

sweetcheeks22

New member
Joined
Dec 8, 2018
Messages
1
#1
Hi, I think I am being bullied (I always had a gut feeling I din't feel comfortable within the group)...I started an antenatal group (privately NCT) as there were no NHS once going on due to a maternity move to another hospital. I felt ok on the course that we did, there wasn’t much time one to one to really get to know each other. We had a reunion after our births, but I never made it as I had a very traumatic birth (I tore through my rectum and broke my coccyx). At the time the professionals never realized I had broken my coccyx, but it was eventually removed last year (3 years post birth)...anyway. A long story short, when I met up with them after the birth I was in a great deal of pain, they new that. None of them asked me how I was. I felt that moment they didn't take a particular liking to me. They had the reunion without me as I couldn’t physically get there). I am different to them socially - introvert, quite shy, can act a bit dippy, but a bubbly, friendly personality - a bit of a girly girl. They are teachers, socialites, extroverts and so on. Anyway months went by, then years. One of the other women within our group suddenly stopped all contact with any of us. I got on with her (she was the only one i warmed to really), but she worked as a violinist around the world, so I presumed it was that – she was too busy to meet up anymore. I am now not so sure. They’d met up a few times before this, when I wasn’t there (due to a long sickness bug). Karen and Leah (I think now are the ring leaders) Karen (after Zoe - violinist) suddenly stopped meeting up, suddenly, (after being quite condescending, belittling at times and so on), started to be quite kind to me, so I took a warming to her and despite our different personalities (we’re quite different) we got along nicely. Her and the others were lovely to me throughout my coccyx removal. I was bed bound for 4 months at the beginning. But on my daughters joint party (which they arranged and organised) when I was still in considerable pain and it was the first time I was on my feet for a long period, as I didn’t want to miss it) suddenly turned on me...by completely ignoring me the whole time I was there. I was taking photos, and all they said was - Kim take this pic, that pic, but in a not so nice manner. I was in tears when I got home and back to my bed. I then decided to put it aside and think it might have been me imagining things, maybe they were just stressed. I continued to look at the good in them. Maybe they didn't mean to...but they did etc. Anyway, to cut another long story short...their very nice and then nasty attitudes have been going on and on...examples...on a night out, Karen asked for wine glasses for all of them, but not me to share a bottle, on another night out tryed to do it again, but i asked if I could share and they filled theirs to the top and put a smidge of wine in my glass, another time Leah raised her voice at me because I didnt know part of her job description...i could go on.....So I am a positive person despite everything I have been through, But my grandad is about to die. He is 92 having pallative care from home right now. I went to see him yesterday to say goodbye. (He lives 1 hour and 20 mins drive away). But on the way I had to see them at one of their houses for a drop of presents off for one of their sons. I explained the night before (on our mummy social group) that i couldn’t stop too long as my grandad was about to die. I had been chatting to Karen about this the night before so she was the only one who knew. But none of them acknowledged what I had typed. I was shocked. Karen even responded to them in chat like i wasn't there. I then put in the group "karen thanks for lisening"...mainly to prompt some kind of compassion. Only then did 2 of them respond with sorry see you tomorrow. Then I turn up en route to see my grandad. I walked through the door, said hi (no response) they’re in the back of the kitchen. When I walked in one of the mums is holding the baby of the other mum, She pulls the bottle out of his mouth, "alright what is the matter with you, it's like you're going to die"...the baby didn't really do a lot, but she looked up at the other mum and smirked. I was stunned. There was a silence. Then I said to myself (in my head) i now know this is bullying. I calmly sat down. They started to talk like nothing had happened, but with looks and smirks on their faces. Then Leah sat down, "urgh I had piles the other day, it was such a pain in the arse, I couldn't sit down " random thing to discuss - she knows I was in intense pain having my coccyx removed and couldn't sit for months. Then Karen turns up...actually gives me a kiss "you ok?" then after Leah making a comment of "my cakes are going to die on me", Karen turns around after 10 mins, "this icing is dead"..."Leah responds with ..."Oh nobody is going to die!!....”then I shoot up “Grace came on we are going home now”. I said bye and went. They are now messaging me asking me if im ok, how is my grandad. I am deeply sad and frustrated in that they can be so vile and then pretend like nothing has happened and be nice to me again. I am really confused, they were absolutely being quite horrible. I am finding it exceptionally difficult to ignore them as we are all on facebook, live in a small town, and I am about to apply for my daughter to go to school. The other thing they have done is when I tried to have a friend of mine added to our meet up group, they said she couldn’t come as their house was too small. Then lately, I invited a different friend to a dance group and they weren’t very friendlya to her either. She now doesn’t want to continue it. Hope you can help. I have responded to their messages, but with no kisses, very formally so they know he has 48hours to live. But Karen is now consistently messaging me. I think I am being bullied. I know I am very different to them personality wise, so if they are trying to bully me out of the group I can see why, but bullying me then being nice again is really stressing me out. I asked my husband if we could move because of them it is getting so suffocating. I don’t work right now as I am a full time mum and they always arrange bbq’s throughout the summer, new year celebrations, demand to come around my house on my birthday (uninvited) by daughters birthday (uninvited), etc. Another thing they have done is on my last birthday tell me they have bought me a pamper voucher to get my nails etc done…then I never received it, but they continuous at times talk about getting their nails etc done…really hope you can help. I don’t know what to do about this. I really want them out off my life.
 
Hopefuloldie

Hopefuloldie

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 30, 2018
Messages
156
Location
UK
#3
Hi

Whether this is bullying, thoughtlessness, odd group dynamics or insensitivity, it sounds to me like you would benefit from widening your social circle so that you become less dependent on being part of this group.

If you think about it, just the fact that you all had babies at the same time isn't necessarily a guarantee that you are all ideally matched for friendship.

Maybe trying joining some other groups - courses, volunteering, toastmasters, ramblers, - whatever you might find interesting. Good luck x
 

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