Am I Anxious?

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SC1106

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Joined
Mar 18, 2019
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4
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Colchester
#1
Hi everyone,

I think this has mainly stemmed from the fact that I've seen in the past couple of days in the news this reality star hanged himself due to mental health issues. I wasn't a fan of him but it's just stuck in my mind for some reason and decided I need to talk about my problems.

So, for as long as I remember I have had mental health issues. My Dad was an alcoholic when I was a child but I loved him more than anything in the world so as a child it was hard for me to understand and I saw it that he preferred alcohol over me. From that experience I have always had an issue with food, I think that's always been my coping mechanism as that was the only thing I could control at the time and those habits have lasted into my adult life.
I've always been good at supressing my issues, I always have a smile on my face, I don't like showing that I'm weak, I try my hardest never to cry and if I do, I do it on my own so no one knows I have a problem.
I constantly question what life is about, I don't really want children (to be honest some days I do, some days I don't) , I have a great job and an awesome boyfriend, we live in a great house and have no issues. I probably have everything that I want but I struggle to understand what the point of everything is and where it is going. I always try to write down what my goals are but still I question why. I never feel like I fit in, I'm not a normal 30 year old, I don't drink alcohol, I don't have many friends. I REALLY really struggle in social situations and I find that so annoying. I do work a lot. I have a day job and then an evening job too, which is more of a hobby. But I never interact with people on a level that I would call a friendly level. I say things and them I'm like why did I say that. I don't really know where to go from here. I don't know what steps to take next to sort myself out. It's really hard.
 
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Roseessa

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Joined
Jul 11, 2018
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97
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Nottingham
#2
Hi,
First of all, I want to say it's okay to cry. It doesn't mean you are weak.
Secondly, where do you think your anxiety comes in?
Is it talking to people? Starting a conversation or just being in a conversation with someone?
 
S

SC1106

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Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Colchester
#3
Hi Roseessa. Thank you for your reply.

I actually don't have an issue talking to people, so making general chit chat conversation I can be fine with. But it never goes further than that, for me I get to a stage of being afraid to let people into my life I think, so I actually don't ever put myself in social situations because i'm afraid, I'd rather stay at home and feel safe.
 
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Roseessa

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Jul 11, 2018
Messages
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Location
Nottingham
#4
Yeah I know what you mean, like it gets through all the nice generic stuff but when it comes to actually really getting to know someone or them knowing you, its like you hit a wall or something.
 
daffy

daffy

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#5
Hi roseessa have you thought about joining a group where you would have to interact e.g. a drama group and there would also be a social side to that as well I would imagine. It’s also something your boyfriend could be involved in as well.
 
S

SC1106

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Joined
Mar 18, 2019
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Location
Colchester
#6
Hi Daffy! To be honest, I am actually a dance teacher, I've been involved in drama groups before and absolutely loved it but now I teach most nights I actually don't really get a chance to have a proper social life. I think that's where my issues lie really at the moment.

I did actually go home last night and cried for a good few hours and that has actually made me feel better for today which is good!
 
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gam9147

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Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
305
Location
Delaware, USA
#7
Hi SC, I don't have many great suggestions as I also have difficulty expressing emotion and am pretty isolated in the friends department as well.

I will just say that anxiety can manifest itself from not letting yourself feel enough, something I know I'm guilty of. try to let yourself cry and feel sad or whatever it is you feel, it is OK to feel!
 

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