Am I a horrible person?

[Nerthus]

I don't really know what to say, or whether it is a problem or not. But I am pretty unhappy, I don't have many friends, I can talk to people and we can get on well but I don't have anyone who actually cares. Same with relationships. If there is someone who likes me, even if I wished soo much for them to ask me out, the moment they do I freak out and push them away. I can't let anyone know me. I think that people aren't going to want to know me or will just laugh if I say how I am feeling so I bottle it up - have done for about 7yrs now.

Also at work there was a guy who was very inappropriate both at work and out, but I think I may have dealt with that. Only thing is it reminds me of things that have happened with men in the past and it really freaks me out.

People just think that they can use me and treat me in anyway they want and I don't know what to do with it. I can't let people close so have no one and all these things happening that no one cares about.

Maybe I am just a rubbish person.

 

[j_lol]

We all care here so keep posting.

I can certainly identify with what you are saying. Is there anything in your past which has made you scared of loosing people? For me I think it was very unclear messages sent by my parents (always blame the parents!!) They weren't very affectionate and the only way I could gain any attention was through academia, the consequence of which was excellent exam results and clinical depression from working myself into the ground to get them!

Keep talking to us, we all have experiences which might help

 

[Nerthus]

Thanks.

I guess it's kind of the same with me. Never have been close to my parents, just worked hard at school. Felt they were pushing too hard for me to get my degree (which I did) but I had to do it all alone - they never helped. I think I just don't know how to get close to people. But then it doesn't seem like there is anyone who wants to know me, so that's not really much of an issue right now.

Also, my father and brother are probably the reason men scare me. I can't trust them or get close to them. And I always seem to try and find a father figure from someone, at school it was teachers and now its managers. Is that odd?

 

[j_lol]

None of it is odd, It's all your minds way of protecting yourself and keeping yourself from getting hurt.

I have a fundamental belief that I am unloveable so when I am close to someone be it a boyfriend or a friend I work so hard to give them reasons to love me, i.e doing nice thoughful things for them and nothing for myself that I end up wearing myself out and blowing a fuse, throwing myself into a serious down. We have to convince ourselves that we are worthy of being loved and we don't need to give people reasons. We are lovable just through being the people we are.

I know thats easy to say and not easy to believe and live by. I am struggling with that concept at the moment but after a few bad downs I have found I have no choice but to hope it's true cos I can't keep on trying to please everyone.

 

[lucid scream]

i know just what you mean, Nerthus. i am the same way, though i worked through some of it. its a lonely life though, isnt it?
your low self opinion is all in your head tho (lol! its a mental health forum, and im saying its all in your head....) it has no basis in reality. your going to see that if you really want to. if you take a close look at those around you, they are insecure and frightened of rejection too. you cant let it control your life.

 

[Dollit]

A lot of my relationships have a distance of one kind of another in them and that's because I find it difficult to let people in too close. For me it's because I seem to get people trying to take over and look after me and I don't want looking after. I don't mind help but I hate being overwhelmed and I don't love that easily. It took me 8 years to get round to telling one of the people who I'm closest to that I loved them. I wish I could do it more.