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Am I a bad person?

Miss_Sweets

Miss_Sweets

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Sydney
I have recently been arguing with my partner over small issues that don’t usually bother me and I say such negative things to her and then after sending messages or ending a phone call can be a hysterical mess for hours on end. I have self harmed over the thought of pushing her away and I fear that I will hurt her if I snap.

What are ways I can cope better? For her sake and mine? Also does anyone have any tips on breaking the habit of self harming?
 
L

Loochx

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2019
Messages
13
Location
Leicester
I have recently been arguing with my partner over small issues that don’t usually bother me and I say such negative things to her and then after sending messages or ending a phone call can be a hysterical mess for hours on end. I have self harmed over the thought of pushing her away and I fear that I will hurt her if I snap.

What are ways I can cope better? For her sake and mine? Also does anyone have any tips on breaking the habit of self harming?

Hey, I’m exactly the same, I’m 21, my boyfriend is 23, he is also very argumentative and has his own personal mental health problems, which causes us to clash massively, and act impulsively, when we argue if he says something that hurts me, or puts the phone down, or wants space because I’m being over powering, I cannot cope attal! I used to self harm but I have stopped, sometimes I will take tablets to entirely wipe me out , because I just don’t want to feel how I feel, but what I can say is meet a friend, call a friend, distract yourself! I never really want to see anyone when I’m in that state but just chilling with a friend and talking about something different or even ranting can help me, i force myself to do something rather than to sit and dwell! Because I do know it really does not help!! X
 
Miss_Sweets

Miss_Sweets

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Sydney
Hey, I’m exactly the same, I’m 21, my boyfriend is 23, he is also very argumentative and has his own personal mental health problems, which causes us to clash massively, and act impulsively, when we argue if he says something that hurts me, or puts the phone down, or wants space because I’m being over powering, I cannot cope attal! I used to self harm but I have stopped, sometimes I will take tablets to entirely wipe me out , because I just don’t want to feel how I feel, but what I can say is meet a friend, call a friend, distract yourself! I never really want to see anyone when I’m in that state but just chilling with a friend and talking about something different or even ranting can help me, i force myself to do something rather than to sit and dwell! Because I do know it really does not help!! X
My fear and worry is that I’d be burdening someone else with my issues and coming from a rough childhood, I was essentially brought up to keep things to myself. Is that normal??
 
L

Loochx

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2019
Messages
13
Location
Leicester
My fear and worry is that I’d be burdening someone else with my issues and coming from a rough childhood, I was essentially brought up to keep things to myself. Is that normal??

I think it’s worth telling her this, if she important to you, and your important to her these things should be spoke about and shared with, it’s important for people close to you to understand because otherwise things won’t work out, and if someone wasn’t willing to stand by you after you explain to them, that’s there loss, because we are all special and important, it’s just finding the right person to share our emotions with! I think you should speak with her briefly, as far as you feel comfortable with, and then she may begin to be more understanding, and help, then the bad reactions may not happen as much, you never know there could be some part of her that understands even more than you think! It’s so important you tell her at least some of these things! X
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
850
Location
Norfolk
My fear and worry is that I’d be burdening someone else with my issues and coming from a rough childhood, I was essentially brought up to keep things to myself. Is that normal??
Keeping things to yourself is what causes your suffering to continue, we start to fear our emotions so suppress them and become detached from reality. People with BPD base their decisions on feelings (rather than facts), that link into your negative core beliefs about yourself (unloveable, worthless, I don’t matter etc), which in turn affect your behaviour (anger, addictions, compulsive urges etc). Furthermore, if you have suppressed your emotions it’s highly probable you create what’s called cognitive distortions, thinking and feeling things are true when they actually aren’t, this is your brain lying to you in order to keep you in a state of suffering. I’d advise you look into Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), either through a therapist or some self help books. You can learn techniques to regulate your emotions.
 
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