E
everleighhope
New member
I recently came to the realization that my eating habits are really bad. I wanted to lose a tiny bit of weight at the start of 2020 and I started off really healthy, I didn't restrict I just started eating more vegetables and working out. I felt good and I wasn't really happy with my body but I felt like I was doing things right and being smart about it. So it came as a real shock when I was posting in a weight loss forum and people started saying I was small enough and I needed to stop restricting and get help. I'd become very obsessive and restrictive.
Immediately I was so shocked that I was determined to get better. I'm very short and the calculators online gave me a very low number of calories to be eating but I followed it because I figured that was what was right for my height. I didn't want to be unhealthy though so I upped my calories and reached out to a friend for support. But the thing was after all this I still hadn't lost the weight I wanted.
In the end, the need to lose the weight won out and I went back to restricting. know I'm obsessive, I count all my calories, I'm afraid of certain foods and I watch weight loss and fitness videos on youtube in all my free time, every time I pass a mirror I can't stop myself from lifting my shirt to check how flat my stomach looks, I feel like I'm honestly a salve to the bodychecking! It's taken over my life. But at the same time, I still eat, if someone brings home cookies I'll eat a cookie, and I'll feel very guilty about it but I still eat it! I let myself have treats sometimes or iced coffee. A part of me thinks I'm fine because I'm not underweight! My bmi is on the lower side but it's still within the healthy weight range.
I know I have some incredibly disordered eating habits but I'm reluctant to refer to it as an ED because it's not that bad and I don't think I'm sick enough to get professional help. I'm afraid to even bring it up. I don't want to be sick, but I also don't want people to try and stop me from losing the rest of the weight when I'm not even underweight. Do I really need help?
Immediately I was so shocked that I was determined to get better. I'm very short and the calculators online gave me a very low number of calories to be eating but I followed it because I figured that was what was right for my height. I didn't want to be unhealthy though so I upped my calories and reached out to a friend for support. But the thing was after all this I still hadn't lost the weight I wanted.
In the end, the need to lose the weight won out and I went back to restricting. know I'm obsessive, I count all my calories, I'm afraid of certain foods and I watch weight loss and fitness videos on youtube in all my free time, every time I pass a mirror I can't stop myself from lifting my shirt to check how flat my stomach looks, I feel like I'm honestly a salve to the bodychecking! It's taken over my life. But at the same time, I still eat, if someone brings home cookies I'll eat a cookie, and I'll feel very guilty about it but I still eat it! I let myself have treats sometimes or iced coffee. A part of me thinks I'm fine because I'm not underweight! My bmi is on the lower side but it's still within the healthy weight range.
I know I have some incredibly disordered eating habits but I'm reluctant to refer to it as an ED because it's not that bad and I don't think I'm sick enough to get professional help. I'm afraid to even bring it up. I don't want to be sick, but I also don't want people to try and stop me from losing the rest of the weight when I'm not even underweight. Do I really need help?