am fooling myself into thinking I'm okay? I'm reluctant to say I have an ED

[everleighhope]

I recently came to the realization that my eating habits are really bad. I wanted to lose a tiny bit of weight at the start of 2020 and I started off really healthy, I didn't restrict I just started eating more vegetables and working out. I felt good and I wasn't really happy with my body but I felt like I was doing things right and being smart about it. So it came as a real shock when I was posting in a weight loss forum and people started saying I was small enough and I needed to stop restricting and get help. I'd become very obsessive and restrictive.

Immediately I was so shocked that I was determined to get better. I'm very short and the calculators online gave me a very low number of calories to be eating but I followed it because I figured that was what was right for my height. I didn't want to be unhealthy though so I upped my calories and reached out to a friend for support. But the thing was after all this I still hadn't lost the weight I wanted.

In the end, the need to lose the weight won out and I went back to restricting. know I'm obsessive, I count all my calories, I'm afraid of certain foods and I watch weight loss and fitness videos on youtube in all my free time, every time I pass a mirror I can't stop myself from lifting my shirt to check how flat my stomach looks, I feel like I'm honestly a salve to the bodychecking! It's taken over my life. But at the same time, I still eat, if someone brings home cookies I'll eat a cookie, and I'll feel very guilty about it but I still eat it! I let myself have treats sometimes or iced coffee. A part of me thinks I'm fine because I'm not underweight! My bmi is on the lower side but it's still within the healthy weight range.

I know I have some incredibly disordered eating habits but I'm reluctant to refer to it as an ED because it's not that bad and I don't think I'm sick enough to get professional help. I'm afraid to even bring it up. I don't want to be sick, but I also don't want people to try and stop me from losing the rest of the weight when I'm not even underweight. Do I really need help?

 

[JessisMe]

I think there are lots of people who have eating disorders but their health is not in a place where they are suffering or placing themselves in harms way because of it. You are unique in that you have insight into your behavior and your disorder. You know what a healthy weight is and should you venture away from that too much it seems like you would adjust your behavior or ask for help. If you find yourself unable to manage the disorder and your weight drops to the point where it is in an unhealthy range that to me is a point where you would want to seek help. xo, j

 

[Helena1]

It doesn't matter if you have something that is diagnosable as an ED or 'just' disordered eating. If it is negatively affecting your life, which it very much seems to be you should get help if you have access to it.
Imagine how much better your life would be if you could eat that cookie without stressing and how you could better spend you free time that watching weight loss videos, etc.

I had anorexia when I was younger but your eating issues seems to affect your life a lot more than mine ever did.

 

[Takingmybrain]

If your here asking then it sugguests to me its become a issue and you should start seeking some kind of help. Eating issues respond best if help is sought at the start. As some obe who has a ed for over 22 years i say please speak to someone and try get help now before your way too out of control because ed spiral fast. Good luck.