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Always Feeling Blue

R

Regina Li

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2021
Messages
3
Location
USA
My name is Regina.
I am only 20 but I have been seeing a therapist for almost a decade and on medication for about 4-5 years. I am more or less stable now while on Prozac and abilify but I want to share the times that were most difficult for me.
I have a seemingly mild diagnosis: unspecified anxiety disorder. But I sometimes feel the diagnosis is wrong. During the worst periods, I could spend the entire day thinking obsessively about the most irrelevant, random things. I couldn’t force myself to watch a movie, eating takes at least an hour. I would stay in the bathroom every time for an hour leading me to avoid going to bathroom. That causes me to occasionally just pee, even poop all over myself when at home.
Now things are better, but I still must spend 3-4 hours each day here and there just thinking. I could be anxious about what to buy for lunch, how much time I will spend on my homework that day, or did I sounded desperate when asking my friend for their class schedule next semester so we can try to be in same classes...
I am doing average in school now but sometimes I just get reminded of how hardworking and full of potential I was in middle school. I have learned to make peace with my illness, even when my psychiatrist says it is possible I will need medication for the rest of my life. I am trying to take this step by step but sometimes it just seems if it weren’t for my mother’s help, I would be on the streets already. Sometimes it just seems like there is so little hope...
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,703
Location
USA
I'm no trained Psychiatrist, but you might want to have one look into OCD. From what you wrote, you may have issues in that regard. I have had, so I know a little about it. Good luck.
 
R

Regina Li

New member
Joined
Aug 2, 2021
Messages
3
Location
USA
I'm no trained Psychiatrist, but you might want to have one look into OCD. From what you wrote, you may have issues in that regard. I have had, so I know a little about it. Good luck.
Thanks for the suggestion, but my psychiatrist already took that into account. It just doesn’t appear on my diagnosis.
 
C

cathanifrind174

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
139
Location
Paris, France
Depression is hard Regina. Welcome to the forums. You'll find a lot of people have similar thoughts of guilt and feel that they're not living to their fullest potential. I also admit that I spend an hour in the bathroom and I don't feel motivated to do anything. It's a long hard struggle and I'm still in it, so I can only send you love and motivation. KEep seeing your doctor and listen to him, and with time, you can hope that the depression subsides, althought sometimes it stays on for a long time or keeps coming back every now and then.
 
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