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Always been judged by the way i look

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TinyStar

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2019
Messages
45
Location
England
I'm not even being paranoid or over sensitive.
This is how my life has been from a young age.
I'm not ugly, i don't consider myself too bad looking. Iv'e been told plenty times i am quite pretty.

I just LOOK young. Too young to be taken seriously sometimes.
I have a serious babyface. Just under 5ft, always the shortest of the pack. I'm petite and slim built. No curves whatsoever. And struggle to gain weight due to stress and lack of appetite.

Since i turned of age its been the same..Random people assuming i'm a child. People who don't even know me telling me 'Your're not X age, u look about 10!'
Looks of disbelief when i reveal my actual age.
When i 1st started clubbing at 18..the looks i got from others as if thinking..How did this Kid get in here?? Lool There were actual 14/15 yr olds strutting round the same place..but of course they actaully looked womanly.
Made going out, socializing and having harmless fun, even working..Shitty. And a put off and not so much fun anymore when people are constantly staring and commenting on How i look.

I know i look young, I know im cute and I know i'm short..I can't change that. Keep your opinions to yourself.
Then there's the friendly ones, usually elderly woman..'Its a good thing. Imagine when your in your 40's/50's you will look like your in your 20's..' Flattering maybe the 1st 2000 times i heard it. Now i just grit my teeth and smile because its the most annoying thing i have ever heard.
The amount of times iv'e held back and bit my tongue from ripping someone apart about their looks or appearance. Just so they know how it feels.

And I thought it was bad before i had children. Whilst pregnant i would get looks of pure disgust because people would automatically jump to the conclussion I was underage and pregnant. I was 22 when i had my 1st child FFS. And it was the same afterwards..whilst out and about, doing my thing baby and buggy in tow.
'You don't look old enough to have a baby' 'How old Are you?..Noo'

Got to the point i would dread going out, meeting new people. When you get the same judgement and hear the same things all the time.
Its chipped away at my self confidence and self esteem. Sometimes i feel like i havn't developed properly, as if i am not beautiful and womanly.
Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, everyone is beautiful in their own way.
But If looking youthfull is such a blessing, why have i grown to hate the way i look.
I can't appreciate the way i look because people make it into such an issue.
It's not just the things people say or react..Its how i have been treated also. As if i am a youngster because i appear young. It's so fuckin undermining and annoying. I am an Adult, I moved out of my parents home at just 16yrs and iv'e taken care of myself ever since. And i have LIVED. Yes I have made some stupid/wrong decisions in life but I'm far from immature or unwordly.

Its hard to ignore something when constantly reminded, i have managed to let certain glances and stares and comments go over my head over the years and i get less now i am a older. But the damage has been done from the impact of others judgment whilst..trying grow into an independant confident woman. I don't feel i like people much because of how quick they are to judge.
I don't feel.like i fit in anymore because most people look their age or even older.
No amount of make up or classly clothes change my appearance..I still look young.
If i could- i would change a few things about the way i look because there's no chance i can change the way people react towards the way i look.

But not many would understand because..Its such a good luck and a future blessing to look much younger than my years. Well im now 31, 2kids in tow and could still pass for 18 believe it or not.
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
6,922
Location
hiding behind the sofa
You have my sympathy . On my 18th i was thrown out of my own party for being underage the same happened on my hen night when i was 25 and my daughter was most upset when my grandaughter was thought to be mine and i was in my late 40s. Unfortunately its just something that you will have to cope with. But i do think it held me back at work because i looked young. I only really started getting good promotions when i was much older.
You cant change the way you look , I’m now in my mid 60s and most people think I’m 10 years younger and finally accepted the way i am with gratitude. Don’t try and change yourself . If people have a problem with you remember its there problem and not yours as annoying as it may be
 
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TinyStar

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2019
Messages
45
Location
England
Thank u, daffy.
Glad 2 know i'm not only one to experience this.
I know its not the worst thing in the world and probably wouldn't bother others in similar situations. Probably comes across as minor or shallow to whine about lol.
Just one of those things that have been annoying and constant for years, so it has had some impact on my self image, and self esteem..Especially on top of the bad experiences throughout my life. Think it has contributed to my social anxiety too.
But you are right, i try not to let it bother me too much now, have enough to deal with and focus on.
 
G

George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
310
Hey if it’s any help I can relate so much but in a different way entirely. Except in my case it’s very much the opposite. I’m a male, tall and I’ve been excluded because I’m tall and awkward but I als have a very rough looking face, resting mean face if you will. I’m sure if you saw me and didn’t know me you wouldn’t want to approach me but I’m genuinely a nice guy. Sometimes is ‘scary creepy’ looking guys are the most chill and friendly. Anyways I’ve been excluded and ostracized and bullied my entire life for being a bit different. Not a single friend atm. My best friend from childhood has betrayed me time and time again. Not a girlfriend in my life either. After all this time I realize I prefer my solitude and beginning to welcome rejection. There’s great value in learning to be your own friend and in that you learn so much about yourself. Good luck you’ve got great support here on saf.
 
T

TinyStar

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2019
Messages
45
Location
England
Hey if it’s any help I can relate so much but in a different way entirely. Except in my case it’s very much the opposite. I’m a male, tall and I’ve been excluded because I’m tall and awkward but I als have a very rough looking face, resting mean face if you will. I’m sure if you saw me and didn’t know me you wouldn’t want to approach me but I’m genuinely a nice guy. Sometimes is ‘scary creepy’ looking guys are the most chill and friendly. Anyways I’ve been excluded and ostracized and bullied my entire life for being a bit different. Not a single friend atm. My best friend from childhood has betrayed me time and time again. Not a girlfriend in my life either. After all this time I realize I prefer my solitude and beginning to welcome rejection. There’s great value in learning to be your own friend and in that you learn so much about yourself. Good luck you’ve got great support here on saf.

Hi george,
Thanks for taking the time to read and write me.
I know its just not nice when people judge others on the outside. Not knowing who we are inside.
I honestly believe that everyone is made unique for a reason. Just too many ignorant people out there.
Don't let your past or how others see you define who you are.
I try not to now, wouldn't want my children growing up thinking its all about looks and image, Its who we are as a person that is most important.
But it still leaves me feeling low sometimes, i jus want to be able to go out and about without getting judgmental glances. I see people mentally trying to work out my age loool.
I can bet inside you are a kind soul, that's so hard to find in people these days.
I love what you say about learning to be your own friend. I am just doing my own thing now, don't have the energy to try and impress people. Trying to find myself again.
Virtual hugss to u x x
 
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