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Alone (phobia)

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anjeleyes

New member
Joined
Oct 19, 2008
Messages
2
Location
New Brunswick, Canada
I have a phobia of being alone yet I have pushed my friends and family away. I have always felt the need to have a man in my life and if I don't have one or if I get rejected by one, I get into a depression. I hate being alone and when I do meet someone that interests me, I tend to fall in love way too easy and way to fast and of course this scares the shit out of him and he's gone... leaving me once again, ALONE. I feel I 'NEED' a man to make me happy and I can't seem to find happiness when I'm single.

Why am I like this? Does anyone else feel this way?
 
S

sunshineTime

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
2
A lot of people feel the same as you. If I’d had a penny for every time a female friend has complained about men being afraid of commitment and unable to handle somebody falling in love with them I’d be very rich. Well maybe not but I’d have a few pounds.

There is nothing wrong with you not wanting to be alone, it is totally natural to want to be in a relationship – I think we can’t help it, like it’s how we’re programmed. Don’t see it as a personal weakness, blame human nature!

There is nothing wrong with falling in love easily, it is a good thing to be able to express your feelings for somebody! Maybe you’ll find a guy who is able to handle this without freaking out and you’ll live happily ever after. In the mean time you could experiment with treating them mean, keeping them keen :)

Good Luck!
 
ms_P

ms_P

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
3,067
Location
BeNeLux
I have a phobia of being alone yet I have pushed my friends and family away. I have always felt the need to have a man in my life and if I don't have one or if I get rejected by one, I get into a depression. I hate being alone and when I do meet someone that interests me, I tend to fall in love way too easy and way to fast and of course this scares the shit out of him and he's gone... leaving me once again, ALONE. I feel I 'NEED' a man to make me happy and I can't seem to find happiness when I'm single.

Why am I like this? Does anyone else feel this way?
Hi Anjeleyes,
You are most definitely not alone. Many refer to this "needing a man to be complete" as the Cinderella Complex.
It can boil down to a fear of independance for women. The "wish to be saved".
It's more common that one would think, by all reports.
I fell prey to it too, awhile back, but am happy to say I can manage fine on my own and the world will not end if I don't have a man in my life.
:flowers:
 
cloudberry

cloudberry

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2008
Messages
409
Location
North Lincolnshire
Push me pull you

I have a similar thing, I hate being alone but have pushed people away.

In my case its a fear of being abandoned (so to avoid being abandoned I abandon them first - push them away, thus helps me to "feel more in control" or at least have that illusion) combined with a fear of intimacy. Add that to my neediness for companionship and to be cared for and its all a complicated mess at times.

But having awareness of the pattern really helps.

I am obviously not saying you have the same patterns as I do. But if one bit resonates it may help.

I hope you have a good day today,

love from cloudberry:tea:
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
I think it's human nature.

Hugs to everyone that's unhappily alone.

:grouphug:
 
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GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
Many cultures are aware and accepting of the idea that we are 'completed' by the other partner. I believe 'feminism' regularly sends out reactive attacks on women who are aware of their own nature and wish to be in partnerships.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting or even needing to be in a relationship. Nor am I saying there is anything wrong with choosing to be single.

:flowers:
 
shaun3210

shaun3210

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2009
Messages
1,805
Location
Up North
I have a similar thing, I hate being alone but have pushed people away.

In my case its a fear of being abandoned (so to avoid being abandoned I abandon them first - push them away, thus helps me to "feel more in control" or at least have that illusion)
I have very similar issues, I have in the past happily got into relationships but as soon as there is a rocky patch (which there always is sooner or later when dealing with people’s feelings) I tend to reject the other person before they reject me.

I thought it best to step off the relationship merry-go-round when I noticed the pattern, but I do hope to be able to step back on it one day:) as I find it isn’t nice being alone :(
 
H

huggybear65

Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2009
Messages
23
Location
near Grimsby Lincs
I have a phobia of being alone yet I have pushed my friends and family away. I have always felt the need to have a man in my life and if I don't have one or if I get rejected by one, I get into a depression. I hate being alone and when I do meet someone that interests me, I tend to fall in love way too easy and way to fast and of course this scares the shit out of him and he's gone... leaving me once again, ALONE. I feel I 'NEED' a man to make me happy and I can't seem to find happiness when I'm single.

Why am I like this? Does anyone else feel this way?
I am just like you,when I find a girlfriend I tend to be very clingy and that scares them away,wish you lived in the UK lol
 
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bill.toy

Active member
Joined
Sep 13, 2010
Messages
27
Location
North East England
Theres a technique used in sexual therapy where 1 of the partners is having trouble actually having intercourse and is getting uptight about itb - and thats to take it off the agenda - but to do other things like sensual massage that gives pleasure.

Maybe adapting that to your situation might help - don't go out looking / expecting to find a man to fall in love with then worry about scaring him off - but try expanding your social network where you can meet more men who you can have in your life as friends - without the pressure of having to please and keep them
 
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