- Feb 20, 2019
Hello, it is weird that I want to be alone for the rest of my life? I got split with two of my friends in May last year and I don't want to come back to them because they're toxic af and one of them still sends me snaps about how wonderful her life is. After that all stuff that happened in my life I don't want to be with anyone, even with my family. I was bullied at the end of the primary school and middle school, I had an crush on a boy who literally hated me. I was depressed and I self harmed once, I'm ashamed and I regret this till today. Also I wasn't talking to my parents at all, I was only talking to them about important stuff, and I was spending time alone. But I think my anxiety went away and isn't this overwhelming like it was, sometimes I can talk to people normally, but in other moments I have this feeling that nobody likes me, nobody actually cares and nobody wants me in their surroundings. I don't know why I want to be alone, I think I'm scared of relationship with someone. And also I'm not sure that I'll want to have kids in future (when I'll eventually fell in love with someone, and this person that will actually want me), cause I'm afraid of being a bad mother. But now I'm 20 and having a kid is not important for me now. I don't know what to do, I don't want to feel in that way.