Alone for the rest of my life

V

Vibranteyes

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Poland
#1
Hello, it is weird that I want to be alone for the rest of my life? I got split with two of my friends in May last year and I don't want to come back to them because they're toxic af and one of them still sends me snaps about how wonderful her life is. After that all stuff that happened in my life I don't want to be with anyone, even with my family. I was bullied at the end of the primary school and middle school, I had an crush on a boy who literally hated me. I was depressed and I self harmed once, I'm ashamed and I regret this till today. Also I wasn't talking to my parents at all, I was only talking to them about important stuff, and I was spending time alone. But I think my anxiety went away and isn't this overwhelming like it was, sometimes I can talk to people normally, but in other moments I have this feeling that nobody likes me, nobody actually cares and nobody wants me in their surroundings. I don't know why I want to be alone, I think I'm scared of relationship with someone. And also I'm not sure that I'll want to have kids in future (when I'll eventually fell in love with someone, and this person that will actually want me), cause I'm afraid of being a bad mother. But now I'm 20 and having a kid is not important for me now. I don't know what to do, I don't want to feel in that way.
 
B

Bananadrama32

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Herts
#2
Hello 😊
I understand how you feel. I don't think this feeling will last forever. I am 32 and decided very early on that I will not bring children into this world when I'm struggling with a mental health issue and at your age you can still change your mind a thousand times.
Do you not have any friends at all? How do you usually meet people?
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
5,651
Location
NZ
#3
Hi Vibranteyes,
Welcome

Yes I was the same even as a child I knew I never wanted children, I like kids and all that, but my fear was I dont know what I am meant to do to be a good mum.
I'm 43 now and my feelings stayed the same, I now wonder since my husband and I split,maybe if I'd had a different man would we have had children??
I've never had that maternal instinct ever, I dont have any regrets, we just never know what life can bring.
The main underlying all this was my so called mother she was a mother to my brothers but not me I was emotionally and physically abused by this woman.

You are still very young,it might not feel like it but you are.
I had zero friends at your age,
My life only really started when at the age of 20 I got a job,
I had also started seeing a psychologist at this time also,

You just never know what may happen down the track
Are you getting any support or medication for depression
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
380
Location
Plymouth
#4
There will always be new people around to meet & make friends with, I'm 44 now, never got married, no children, but have people I talk to, the only loneliness I feel is not knowing what happens when I die, but if I think about it I'm not really alone on that one because we all die.

Like I said, there's always a lot of people out there to meet & make friends with.