• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Alone at Christmas

BEDROCK

BEDROCK

Member
Joined
Nov 2, 2013
Messages
22
Would just like to give a short and encouraging message to anyone who is alone, single, isolated or suffering my whole hearted love and compassion. I live alone as you may have already gathered and have been single for over 6 years and it never gets better, have suffered with long term chronic depression for over 10 years and have had a slew of friendship and relationship problems with friends, family and former partners.

So with these breakdowns of confidence, trust and betrayal, not mentioning past mistakes and things I wish I'd done differently, I have had a terrible year and cannot wait to turn over a new page and make a fresh start in the new year.

I struggle with life and cannot get on for trying, so hope that the next few months I can collate my DJ gear and make a goal to get my first gig next year, even if it is a small birthday or garden party, anything to just get in front of people and make people smile with some feel good vibes.

I am there for folk on here and have previously created numerous threads about social gatherings and can appreciate that some people have no get up and go or even strength to actually meet people in social environments but we have to start somewhere and you just need to give yourself that extra push, I am kind, quietly confident and have a host of quirks and bad points, I am only human, we take the good with the bad.

So hope you can share your plights and maybe have a sensible discussion about those who are alone and in need of some love at this time of year. I have had some issues with my folks and will find spending the whole Xmas day with them hard but will plough through it with a smile and get it over with. Some of my family think I just kick up stinks about stuff while I only tell it how it is, and that nobody ever wants to solve paternal issues because they never want to look in to the dark and find the root causes of how, why and when things had happened and caused things today, people just don't want to know, their lives are white picket fences, steady job, wife and kids, settled life, so why should they unsettle any boats to change and find solutions to things, anyway.

Without going on too many tangents, what are your views on things and maybe share your tips and tricks to get you through difficult times.
 

cpuusage

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
37,637
Location
Planet Lunatic Asylum
Without going on too many tangents, what are your views on things and maybe share your tips and tricks to get you through difficult times.
15 years single, 12 years living alone for me. So far it's been a terrible Christmas.

i don't know what to suggest? Sleep is good.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
35,278
Location
Mordor
Hope the antichrist turns up - and starts a fight?
 
mrlaurel

mrlaurel

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2011
Messages
6,378
Location
west mids
15 years single, 12 years living alone for me. So far it's been a terrible Christmas. i don't know what to suggest? Sleep is good.
guys I hope things go as well as they can for everyone on their own or alone this christmas.

take comfort in the fact many of us have been there and we don't take anything we may have for granted.

its always harder this time of year as the "media" fill our heads with how great things are....

there will be many of us around the next few days, nott he same I know but we are all in this together.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
I know it's a cliche (sorry, cba to try and find the accent on the keyboard) but loneliness is not the absence of people. It is a mind-state. Sometimes I think it's the recognition of how essentially everyone is an isolated individual, born alone and destined to die alone, and other people merely being present can't take away the feeling of aloneness. I think Sartre wrote about it, and possibly Kierkegaard. It is the human condition. We can thrash about communicating and forging relationships of all kinds with others and yes, that can be a very pleasant distraction, and yet we feel essentially isolated and alone. I try to embrace it and put a positive spin on it - at least I'm still me and I'm unique kind of thing - and I think that can work. Yet, when it comes to Christmas and the New Year - neither of which have any religious meaning to me, neither of which have any personal significance to me whatsoever - I find myself sad and dwelling on the physical distance (600 miles) between me and my only child, who I would just like to hug. I can go out and speak jovially with others - I can even go out and dance and get tipsy and say all the right salutations, but all that is just a temporary distraction from the reality of the sadness I feel.
 
J

jimindigo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2012
Messages
198
Maybe Love?

Maybe if we can 'soften' towards ourselves,be gentle with ourselves,
compassionate with ourselves,maybe the pain will lessen a little.
Blessings,
jimindigo:)
 
P

Prehistoric Rex

Guest
I can relate bedrock. The harder I try sometimes the more roadblocks I seem to crash head forwards into.

I do remember many years back, good ole queen Betty, mentioned she had had her annus horribulus. (Think my greatest sympathies were not greatly pricked. Lol.)

Anyway whatever she called it, 2013 has been beyond what I would have even believed in a film. It has been beyond awful and my anxieties and feelings of self doubt and reaching out to whoever would listen has most definitely been a good description of my last six months or so.

One step forward, two steps back.

I don't know about you but xmas there is massive pressure to be happy. Certain members of the family and one friend have been incredibly cruel. Definitely hit the bottom of the barrel but despite this because my own pretty desperate pleas for anyone that could put up with me and my need for some companionship, I have begun to build almost a completely new life.

These new friends I can't say I feel one hundred per cent easy with them. I have always been quite blessed to have at least one or two brilliant long term friends and some family, but I give myself such a going over at times myself for being incredibly weak myself. Think I am more accepting others opinions of me above my own, but I am still here and on the planet, as you are yourself and I always try even if it can seem impossible at times to believe that there will be better times..

Bit of a bloke at times and hate reaching out. Can really wind me up that I do this all too often and can get incredibly agitated at myself, but none of us are an island. We all need people. Sometimes most definitely it can be better to hideaway for a while, particularly if things tough at this time of year.

Who knows what the new year will bring. I have never really been a great one for suspicions. However in the past, some good things have happened for me on Friday 13th, ie exchanged deeds on my flat, passed my driving test, first date with very ex girlfriend.

But this year I think me personally am putting down to the curse of the thirteen.

Who knows what next year brings but sometimes it can be a turning point to sink so low, because the only way forward is up.

Wishing you well for the coming year.:)
 
U

urbangibbon

Guest
Carry On

I have been alone at Xmas for years. I just treat it as another day and then it loses its attribution and significance. I buy a drink, some decent grub and my annual smoke and I read or listen to music or watch some watchable TV or do some internet. I hibernate for three days as I do at New Year. If I dwell on Xmas as something which I "should be doing", then it just makes me think of all the loss and disappointment in my life and it makes me more depressed than I already am. I simply carry on as if it is just another day. That is the way I cope with it. It's all humbug anyway. It is all about business making lots of profit which is why all the hype starts in early November. Yours Sincerely
Ebenezer. :)
 
Last edited:
Top