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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Alone, angry, lost, and misunderstood

A

Alwaystryingbutlost123

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Texas
I just finally blew up on someone that I thought was my person. I don’t remember all that I said. I just remember me saying “don’t ever contact me again”, and “let me out now” they’ve never seen me that way. They kept hitting their steering wheel and blaming me for their choices. Me wanting to help, and apparently I made them feel stupid in a situation they’re going through right now. There was just so much I had to take from them. I understand they are going through some things with family at the moment, but I literally pushed my stuff I’m going through aside for them. I gave them money I don’t really have. I told them they don’t even have to completely pay me back, but then they got mad and then got mad that apparently I forced them to borrow money that they feel they have to pay back. They just kept saying I forced them, it’s my fault, I made them feel stupid. I finally just blew up. They had been doing this to me for the past 2-3 days and I couldn’t take it anymore. I understand they have anger but I wish they would have just stopped taking it out on me, and at the end of every time I apologized even though I knew it wasn’t me, and maybe it was. I don’t even know anymore. I’m always at fault. This time I blew up and didn’t apologize, left the car at a stop sign and walked home.



There’s more background to this person and me. But I just want to let this out. I’m so angry and alone. My depression is at its worst, and has been for the past 7months. I feel like tiny things that keep happening keep adding up, and I’m gonna break. I lost it today for just a minute. But there’s so much more that needs to come out. I don’t want to have a break down at the wrong time. I have usually 1-2 bad breakdowns a year. I just never know what will be the trigger or when it will happen.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
1,313
Location
England
Hi, welcome.
Your best bet is to try and figure out why these breakdowns happen for you. You say you don't know when or why they happen but if you keep a record of your moods or life events you'll soon see probable causes for them or at least clear patterns. Have you spoken to a doctor about them before?
 
T

treasurebox

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
495
Location
Philippines
Let it go and move on because life is not perfect but life can make you happy some other way.

Create happy moments because happiness is a choice.

What are you good at or love doing? Is it cooking, baking, doing arts and crafts? Whatever it is, do it for it will make you happy and even fulfilled.

Listening to motivational and uplifting songs on youtube helps me. Music is therapeutic. Listen to it daily or as often as needed.

Helping others helps also. Find someone whom you can help. You can volunteer to help in your community or online. You may coach or teach online.

Remember, you were created to be happy and live a good life. Do not let anything nor anyone make you unhappy.
 
A

Alwaystryingbutlost123

New member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Texas
I’m 22 and was diagnosed with depression when I was in the 5th grade (so 10- 11 years old). They said they thing my depression was on going before the diagnoses, so they weren’t sure when it started. I’ve been to therapy almost all my life. I started therapy when I was 5 years old up until I was 18 on and off. I was doing good around 2017. I felt like I finally found myself. Then I got into my first relationship. The way it ended was badly. I’m attached to someone that no longer loves me but likes being around me. I feel so alone and lonely. I used to be ok with that feeling I was content, it was hard but I was fine, and kept my distance from people. Now I feel like I’m lost and have lost myself. I no longer crave the things I used to crave. My hobbies I feel as if I don’t have the energy to even try to create. I mean I have ideas, my mind is on almost all the time. But I have no one I can open up to or talk to. I try to listen to positive things and make my energy happy. I try to motivate myself. I listen to YouTube motivational videos and psychology ones. But once I wake up it’s like it all starts over and I try to think positive. But I just feel so empty
 
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