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Alone and Confused

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rivergypsy

Active member
Joined
Oct 21, 2010
Messages
43
Location
Leicestershire
Hi, I am suffering from severe depression, borderline personality disorder and hear vicious degrading voices constantly. I have been in hospital since march and have recently been discharged from a section. I have taken 4 overdoses since being here(not the nurses fault they are brill but we are encouraged to take responsibility for ourselves) I am currently having ect but am finding that it is enhancing all the abuse and loss I have suffered. I have tried several different antidepressants, mood stabilisers and anti psychotics but none are effective. I have to wait about a year for therapy as the waiting lists are so long. Can someone please advise me what to do as I am desperate and on the verge of taking another overdose so that I can be with my son.
 
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DELATEXT

Guest
please get your cpn or doctor to access you a support worker from mind or a similar mental health charity, to give you practical and emotional support,
do you have a social/care manager, see if they can access support as well
 
maxitab

maxitab

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 18, 2010
Messages
10,376
Location
In Devon
Hi river, you are having a tough time, and this may be the wrong moment or you may be have this information, but do you understand the role of extreme emotional sensitivity in your situation? I come across so many people with BPD who have been given little information about it. You may ask how it will help, but I was so relieved to find that this sensitivity can govern our lives, and that whatever upsets anyone else will trigger us off the the millionth degree.....I wonder if that is what is going on? Can you talk to anyone on the unit about Emotional Regulation, Self Sooth or ANY DBT skill?
Learning these has been a life saver for me.
If no one there knows you can look it up on Google, or I can try and help.

Firstly, there is one thing for certain, these feelings do change......its a case of hanging on in until they do......
I'm not talking about distraction, that only works up to a point. What you do also depends on what it is you are feeling. Is it loss, grief, anger, irritation, loneliness, emptiness.....?
If you are feeling loss and grief you need to find some way of comforting yourself....wrap in a duvet and howl or cry...I always find holding onto something makes a difference, a pillow, cuddly toy, towel.......If this was a child you were caring for what would you give them? Give yourself that.
If it is anger/frustration/rage, find a safe way of expressing it, I know it's hard when you are in hospital. Twist a wet towel and shout.......squeeze the life out of a pillow....
The more you resist and fight the feelings the longer it will take to recover from them. Can you try and get one of the nurses to be with you and say you want to express this stuff?
I think everyone around you is having a bit of a panic because they can't regulate your emotions and it is really hard for you to do that for yourself....then when you are overwhelmed all you want to do is get rid of them and not feel that way anymore, and if that means the ultimate,........please believe I have been there so many times. It is possible to recover and to get back in charge so your emotions are not so awful, but you need to find a way of calming, without just supressing or distracting. I wish I was there with you.....all I can do is encourage you to give this a try and to hold on.........:hug:
 
R

rivergypsy

Active member
Joined
Oct 21, 2010
Messages
43
Location
Leicestershire
I'm finding that my mood is constantly low, not fluctuating and I have obsessional thoughts of death(my son died at 18 months of cancer), a sort of idealized thing like I could be with my son but also look down on my loved ones and look after them. I can't explain, I'm finding it all very wierd and very upsetting. My voices constantly tell me to kill myself, I now sleep with the light on as I get panic attacks if the light is off. Relaxation techniques help for a short while but not for long.
 
maxitab

maxitab

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 18, 2010
Messages
10,376
Location
In Devon
Too be honest I am surprised they work at all.....well done to you that they do! Relaxation is different to what I am talking about though....can you ask someone on your unit to explain DBT, maybe they can't! Have a look at Mindfulness, lots of us with emotional sensitivity find it is better for us than relaxation. Theres a thread on here, under the self help section I think......or you can just typr mindfulness in to the search box at the top right. Same with DBT.

This floaty thing you describe sounds to me a bit like dissociative symptoms.....or it could be the ect. Low mood is associated with BPD too, I was diagnosed as clinically depressed long before the BPD thing!

Keep posting River.....you are going to get the help you need!
 
ria__x

ria__x

New member
Joined
Oct 23, 2010
Messages
4
Location
south manchesterrr
sounds like you have been through such a tough time and i can't imagine what you're going through! i know it's easy to say but please hang in there and remember help is always at hand, from health professionals to relaxation techniques and there's lots of support groups. i probably sound like everyone else but didn't want to read and run! i really hope you feel a bit better soon xxxxxx
 
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