Almost at the end.... Help needed

[Whathappenedgeez]

I don't like asking for help I feel guilty. I'm running out of options day in and out I'm beyond depressed with anxiety and depersonalization. It does not let up. Trying to figure out how to get beyond this for a while now no luck. I can't believe I was once happy and felt like a normal person growing up. It started to change at age 20 but slowly got worse. Having energy when I was younger, hanging out with friends, even playing sports... Blows my mind I did all those things without getting anxiety and no depression. I could not play a sport let alone even make it to work. After trying bunches of suppliments, a handful of antidepressants I'm still struggling I really am...one thing I talked with a doctor about was sleep apnea... I think that could be playing a huge role in this. Zero energy, depressed I have zero energy going up stairs is hard enough, heart palpitations and anxiety. But after telling her that I wake up 10 times each night only get 5 hours sleep instead of 8 now, I snore and have been told I snore so I could be stopping my breathing cutting of oxygen to the brain, wake up feeling more than I do before bed. Etc. I'll still keep trying antidepressants but I think I need a CPAP machine. The way my life is daily is not even called living. It's just ain't the feelings that you feel when depression strikes.

 

[stygianiron222]

i think you should try the machine or up/change your meds. keep fighting, life does get better. i believe in you.

 

[NWiddi]

I would agree, give the CPAP machine a try, my aunt has sleep apnea and it helps her get a good nights rest.

But if you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.

Please take good care of yourself and I hope you can use the forums for support during this difficult time.

 

[Whathappenedgeez]

Thanks all. Trying to think of and try my treatment options. Depression makes u think the opposite of good. You hate yourself, the choices u made and you feel hopeless ull never get out of it....

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Hi @Whathappenedgeez

One thing I learned is that I made a pact with myself that if my situation gets out of hand, that I will reach out for help. Asking for help indicates that you are a strong person, not a weak one.

I, too, have sleep apnea. It was incredibly bad before I used a CPAP machine. Before using the machine, I would have either very shallow breathing or stop breathing all together for 60 TIMES AN HOUR. Now I'm down to around 2 to 5 times an hour. I actually enjoy using my machine. It does help with my quality of sleeping.

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

@Whathappenedgeez
I totally relate to what you said:
I can't believe I was once happy and felt like a normal person growing up. Having energy when I was younger, hanging out with friends, even playing sports... Blows my mind I did all those things without getting anxiety and no depression. The way my life is daily is not even called living.

 

[treasurebox]

Know that there will be better days for you. You were made to survive and live a good life.

Create happy moments because happiness is a choice.

Listen to uplifting and encouraging songs on youtube because music is therapeutic. Music helps.

Do what you love doing or are good at. Do your passion. It will make you fulfilled and happy.

 

[bementalhealthwise]

I don't like asking for help I feel guilty. I'm running out of options day in and out I'm beyond depressed with anxiety and depersonalization. It does not let up. Trying to figure out how to get beyond this for a while now no luck. I can't believe I was once happy and felt like a normal person growing up. It started to change at age 20 but slowly got worse. Having energy when I was younger, hanging out with friends, even playing sports... Blows my mind I did all those things without getting anxiety and no depression. I could not play a sport let alone even make it to work. After trying bunches of suppliments, a handful of antidepressants I'm still struggling I really am...one thing I talked with a doctor about was sleep apnea... I think that could be playing a huge role in this. Zero energy, depressed I have zero energy going up stairs is hard enough, heart palpitations and anxiety. But after telling her that I wake up 10 times each night only get 5 hours sleep instead of 8 now, I snore and have been told I snore so I could be stopping my breathing cutting of oxygen to the brain, wake up feeling more than I do before bed. Etc. I'll still keep trying antidepressants but I think I need a CPAP machine. The way my life is daily is not even called living. It's just ain't the feelings that you feel when depression strikes.

I believe it would be great if you could get a CPAP machine to aid in sleeping. Sleep is so important for both our phisical health like energy and strength, but more importantly sleep greatly helps with your mental health. From what you said I believe that if you can improve your quality of sleep it will greatly improve you both physically and mentally. The most important thing in life is do ONE thing at a time, so I ask you to work only on trying to improve your sleep quality, and don't worry about anything else, if you Google the 12 steps to good sleep hygiene you will find some straightforward tips to aid in sleep that may help. When (not if) you are getting good quality sleep you can tackle the next thing you want, please do keep us up to date, we are here for you.

 

[Alexander Ypsilantis]

I don't like asking for help I feel guilty. I'm running out of options day in and out I'm beyond depressed with anxiety and depersonalization. It does not let up. Trying to figure out how to get beyond this for a while now no luck. I can't believe I was once happy and felt like a normal person growing up. It started to change at age 20 but slowly got worse. Having energy when I was younger, hanging out with friends, even playing sports... Blows my mind I did all those things without getting anxiety and no depression. I could not play a sport let alone even make it to work. After trying bunches of suppliments, a handful of antidepressants I'm still struggling I really am...one thing I talked with a doctor about was sleep apnea... I think that could be playing a huge role in this. Zero energy, depressed I have zero energy going up stairs is hard enough, heart palpitations and anxiety. But after telling her that I wake up 10 times each night only get 5 hours sleep instead of 8 now, I snore and have been told I snore so I could be stopping my breathing cutting of oxygen to the brain, wake up feeling more than I do before bed. Etc. I'll still keep trying antidepressants but I think I need a CPAP machine. The way my life is daily is not even called living. It's just ain't the feelings that you feel when depression strikes.

You've taken a big step by coming to this forum and opening up. That takes courage.

I also wake up many times a night and sleep poorly, but I'm older and thought it was just a part of aging. And maybe it is, who knows? I slept like a baby when I was younger.

You might be right about the CPAP machine. I may have sleep apnea as well, I snore terribly I am told. I was going to get tested for sleep apnea and then the pandemic hit and you know the rest of that story. Certainly a good nights sleep can help us all and with depression especially.

I try and get around the lack of night sleep by taking the occasional power nap during the day, if I can fit it in my work schedule. An hours sleep during the day is worth 2 hours at night.

The life change you mention at 20 is quite common with folks who have clinical depression. It happened earlier for me, I was 12-13 years old. But the change was just as abrupt, the 'dark grey fog' enveloped me and forced out the former colors in my world. Since then, I've had ups and downs but it's always pretty much there, to one degree or another.

You're doing the right things by eating a good diet-also try and stay away from stimulants in the afternoon and evening-that will help you sleep better. I also turn down the temp in my home to 60-65 at night, that seems to promote good sleep. Good luck.

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

Know that there will be better days for you. You were made to survive and live a good life.

Create happy moments because happiness is a choice.

Listen to uplifting and encouraging songs on youtube because music is therapeutic. Music helps.

Do what you love doing or are good at. Do your passion. It will make you fulfilled and happy.

Hi @treasurebox
I think you are giving people false hope when you say, "Create happy moments because happiness is a choice." I find this suggestion to be lame and minimizing what a person is going through. When someone says they want to die or life is not worth living, saying this expression feels like a slap in the face. People want real help, and what you are saying is not real help, but an affront to their suffering.

 

[MeAndMyDepression]

You've taken a big step by coming to this forum and opening up. That takes courage.

I also wake up many times a night and sleep poorly, but I'm older and thought it was just a part of aging. And maybe it is, who knows? I slept like a baby when I was younger.

You might be right about the CPAP machine. I may have sleep apnea as well, I snore terribly I am told. I was going to get tested for sleep apnea and then the pandemic hit and you know the rest of that story. Certainly a good nights sleep can help us all and with depression especially.

I try and get around the lack of night sleep by taking the occasional power nap during the day, if I can fit it in my work schedule. An hours sleep during the day is worth 2 hours at night.

The life change you mention at 20 is quite common with folks who have clinical depression. It happened earlier for me, I was 12-13 years old. But the change was just as abrupt, the 'dark grey fog' enveloped me and forced out the former colors in my world. Since then, I've had ups and downs but it's always pretty much there, to one degree or another.

You're doing the right things by eating a good diet-also try and stay away from stimulants in the afternoon and evening-that will help you sleep better. I also turn down the temp in my home to 60-65 at night, that seems to promote good sleep. Good luck.

Hi @Alexander Ypsilantis
I really like your expression "power nap." I'll say it to myself from now on. I'm not taking a nap because I'm so depressed and don't know what else to do, but I'm taking a "power nap." Sounds so much more uplifting. (I am really serious that I like your expression.)