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All the days blur together

M

MamaMax

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Thank you so, so much!

My days are...nothing. I do literally nothing. I sleep if I'm able. I used to HATE staying home all day and not going out somewhere. Now, it's a relief to just sleep and when I do have to get up before noon to do something, I feel stressed. I never enjoy anything I do (hence why I don't do anything. Everything is either boring or anxiety-filled). If I'm with people I love, I'll pretend to be fine and happy, as I don't want them to be worried or sad.

I just realised I was supposed to call the postal service last October 2020 to organise a few refunds for missing parcels, but I STILL haven't done it. It's now almost December 2021!!!!
Well this can't go on forever, what is happening in regard to treatment? I really don't want to patronise as I'm sure you have tried everything you can think of?
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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Thank you so, so much!

My days are...nothing. I do literally nothing. I sleep if I'm able. I used to HATE staying home all day and not going out somewhere. Now, it's a relief to just sleep and when I do have to get up before noon to do something, I feel stressed. I never enjoy anything I do (hence why I don't do anything. Everything is either boring or anxiety-filled). If I'm with people I love, I'll pretend to be fine and happy, as I don't want them to be worried or sad.

I just realised I was supposed to call the postal service last October 2020 to organise a few refunds for missing parcels, but I STILL haven't done it. It's now almost December 2021!!!!
:grouphug::doh:
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Well this can't go on forever, what is happening in regard to treatment? I really don't want to patronise as I'm sure you have tried everything you can think of?
No treatment as of now. I've been to various therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. I can't afford to have a "regular" one. No medication changes how I feel. Talk therapy doesn't change how I feel.
 
M

MamaMax

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Messages
86
Location
Inverness
No treatment as of now. I've been to various therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists. I can't afford to have a "regular" one. No medication changes how I feel. Talk therapy doesn't change how I feel.
Well that won't do, there must be more medications to try? I'm not sure where you live so I don't know what kind of support is available, I know some charities offer free therapy?
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Well that won't do, there must be more medications to try? I'm not sure where you live so I don't know what kind of support is available, I know some charities offer free therapy?
Therapy just doesn't work for me. I already know the what, why, when, where, who and how of my life and problems, but that knowledge and understanding doesn't help my feelings. I feel more like a colleague than a patient when talking to any mental health professionals. I have a psychology degree myself, though never used it.

Yeah, there are more meds I can try. I haven't exhausted ALL the SSRIs. I've tried both SNRIs. I've tried a MAOI. I haven't tried any Tricyclics as doctors tend not to prescribe them and I worry they'll just add to my lethargy and apathy. I already sleep so much!

Stimulants don't help at all and make me feel terrible and extra depressed and dull. Mood stabilisers literally do nothing for me. My moods aren't erratic though (I don't have Bipolar).

I can't afford Esketamine therapy, as here in Australia it will cost around $800 a week. No way!
 
M

MamaMax

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Messages
86
Location
Inverness
Therapy just doesn't work for me. I already know the what, why, when, where, who and how of my life and problems, but that knowledge and understanding doesn't help my feelings. I feel more like a colleague than a patient when talking to any mental health professionals. I have a psychology degree myself, though never used it.

Yeah, there are more meds I can try. I haven't exhausted ALL the SSRIs. I've tried both SNRIs. I've tried a MAOI. I haven't tried any Tricyclics as doctors tend not to prescribe them and I worry they'll just add to my lethargy and apathy. I already sleep so much!

Stimulants don't help at all and make me feel terrible and extra depressed and dull. Mood stabilisers literally do nothing for me. My moods aren't erratic though (I don't have Bipolar).

I can't afford Esketamine therapy, as here in Australia it will cost around $800 a week. No way!
You have gone through so much, I'm in awe of you, really I am.

This is probably a bit out there but have you tried the likes of The Depression Cure? I don't know if these self help type books are of any use and they all seem to promise a lot of things, but this one seemed to at least make some sense.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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You have gone through so much, I'm in awe of you, really I am.

This is probably a bit out there but have you tried the likes of The Depression Cure? I don't know if these self help type books are of any use and they all seem to promise a lot of things, but this one seemed to at least make some sense.
Thank you so much! No one ever knows how I feel or that I'm so unhappy, depressed, plagued with fear and all that. I present as both funny and friendly, and also wise and introspective, insightful and such. Even if I tell people a bit about my mental health, they don't believe me.

In terms of self help books, I've read quite a few. I watch certain Youtube channels. They make sense mentally, but emotionally...no change.
 
M

MamaMax

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Joined
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Messages
86
Location
Inverness
Thank you so much! No one ever knows how I feel or that I'm so unhappy, depressed, plagued with fear and all that. I present as both funny and friendly, and also wise and introspective, insightful and such. Even if I tell people a bit about my mental health, they don't believe me.
That reminds me of a documentary series I watched once. It was about a group of ten people with a mixture of mental health issues and a few without. A panel of experts put them through a series of tests and then had to decide which person had what. I remember all of them missed the woman with depression, they literally had no idea. They also misdiagnosed a healthy person with schizophrenia!

I think unless people have truly experienced depression/anxiety in all its horrors they just can't comprehend it and I'm glad of that, because no-one should have to suffer with this illness. One book I read calls it the worst kind of human suffering and I don't think that's far off the mark.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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That reminds me of a documentary series I watched once. It was about a group of ten people with a mixture of mental health issues and a few without. A panel of experts put them through a series of tests and then had to decide which person had what. I remember all of them missed the woman with depression, they literally had no idea. They also misdiagnosed a healthy person with schizophrenia!

I think unless people have truly experienced depression/anxiety in all its horrors they just can't comprehend it and I'm glad of that, because no-one should have to suffer with this illness. One book I read calls it the worst kind of human suffering and I don't think that's far off the mark.
Yeah...I'm not surprised those experts missed some things in that series! (I'd like to watch that actually)

With me, I wear a mask and put on a facade almost all the time, and even as I'm talking ABOUT my feelings, I don't show any EMOTION. So people just don't...get it.
 
M

MamaMax

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Messages
86
Location
Inverness
Yeah...I'm not surprised those experts missed some things in that series! (I'd like to watch that actually)

With me, I wear a mask and put on a facade almost all the time, and even as I'm talking ABOUT my feelings, I don't show any EMOTION. So people just don't...get it.
If I remember rightly, it was called "how mad are you, or how mad am i' something sensitive and tactful like that. It was really interesting anyways.

I remember when I saw a counsellor some years ago. She commented how when I talked about my issues, it was in monotone. There was no fluctuation in tone at all. Minimizing and Dismissing she called it.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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If I remember rightly, it was called "how mad are you, or how mad am i' something sensitive and tactful like that. It was really interesting anyways.

I remember when I saw a counsellor some years ago. She commented how when I talked about my issues, it was in monotone. There was no fluctuation in tone at all. Minimizing and Dismissing she called it.
Yes, that's me! I have SOME dynamics in my voice, but no emotion. I mean...I'm slightly dismissive, but it's mainly because for me, I've been there, done that 500 times already in my own mind.
 
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Mistral

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Apr 28, 2011
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There are many things in life we have to think about carefully before we do them. The ability to think carefully about them is hindered by depression. Depression will often make the sufferer think that if they cannot make important decisions, that means they cannot make any decisions. Of course that is not true, but it is all too easy to think that it is true when we have depression. I think we have to look to the mundane to get us back to making decisions of any kind. I suggest that leaving the big decisions about relationships, career, for now until you are used to making the small decisions will mean that the bigger decisions will become easier to make.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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I personally am good at making decisions! That's one thing I DON'T have a problem with! lol
 
M

Mistral

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I personally am good at making decisions! That's one thing I DON'T have a problem with! lol
The laugh seems confusing. Were you laughing at the thought of people with depression not being able to make decisions?
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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The laugh seems confusing. Were you laughing at the thought of people with depression not being able to make decisions?
No, no. I was laughing at myself. It's one of my most common defence mechanisms. Self-deprecating humour. I was laughing (sarcastically) that I have many issues, and it was rare to find one I DIDN'T have (making decisions).

I don't laugh at people with depression, except for myself, as I'm one of them.
 
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