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All in-person social contact exhausts me

S

stevie_sloth

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
6
Is this anything anyone else has experienced?

I've always been a one-on-one kind of person, with one best friend and a few other "lesser" friends, as a kid. In my teens and 20s, I still had that one best friend and all my other friends I saw only when my best friend was there. They were my friends through her.

I then moved to another state and although I've been here since 2003, I have NO local friends. I did have two, who I made through work, but one of them drifted away as I was so quiet in person (compared to how open I was over email) and the other drifted too because she got sick of trying to get together while I avoided it.

Even my original best friend I hardly talk to anymore. I see her twice a year for one day. Her friends these days I mostly don't know.

My current "best" friend is an online friend who lives 30 minutes from me, but whom I have never met in person. Despite being very close friends for over two years. Yeeeaah.

The thing is, I don't WANT friends in person. It is just too tiring emotionally. I can never relax. Even the excess smiling I feel I must do leaves my jaw and neck sore, I sometimes get mild panic attacks (body shivers) and I slightly black out from too much forced laughing.

Fun times. Lol
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Is this anything anyone else has experienced?

I've always been a one-on-one kind of person, with one best friend and a few other "lesser" friends, as a kid. In my teens and 20s, I still had that one best friend and all my other friends I saw only when my best friend was there. They were my friends through her.

I then moved to another state and although I've been here since 2003, I have NO local friends. I did have two, who I made through work, but one of them drifted away as I was so quiet in person (compared to how open I was over email) and the other drifted too because she got sick of trying to get together while I avoided it.

Even my original best friend I hardly talk to anymore. I see her twice a year for one day. Her friends these days I mostly don't know.

My current "best" friend is an online friend who lives 30 minutes from me, but whom I have never met in person. Despite being very close friends for over two years. Yeeeaah.

The thing is, I don't WANT friends in person. It is just too tiring emotionally. I can never relax. Even the excess smiling I feel I must do leaves my jaw and neck sore, I sometimes get mild panic attacks (body shivers) and I slightly black out from too much forced laughing.

Fun times. Lol
Yes I understand this.been thinking about this sort of thing a lot lately. Friendships can require a lot more energy than I have.
I never really realised this until I had a melt down 2 years ago, and on my journey after that ,it became hard work being with people. I realised I had always tried to please friends/others and now I find it so exhausting. even when I'm lonely ,I've thought about instigating a visit or a telephone call to a friend, but mostly think better of it as it exhausts me....I'm far from perfect but people seem so selfish to me nowadays...
Fun times indeed :)
 
aoi89

aoi89

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
13
Add me to the list. I'm completely socially exhausted, and I can completely empathise with your feelings about social contact.
 
S

stevie_sloth

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
6
Good to know others feel the same way.

I love and seek out internet interactions because i like who i am online. I am the most natural form of me. But in person, i am self conscious, insecure, bored, tired, always trying to fit in. Hence, exhaustion.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I can relate to what you're saying too.
It is draining to have real life interactions and to deal with the anxiety that comes with that.
I really like the idea of having company because i'm so alone a lot of the time, but the reality of being around people is tough.

I think it's really good that you've got some good online connections and I think that that's better than nothing.

I suppose I would say though is that I do think it's important to have some social contact with people - even if it's just one person for a short amount of time. Otherwise, things could get worse in terms of anxiety levels.

If you can find calm environments to be in, that's a good place to start.
Years ago I used to attend reading groups at my local library, I still go to some meditation classes and do pottery. All of those activities are quiet and supportive. Perhaps it's something to consider.
 
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