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All alone and trapped in life

S

Sorrow

New member
Joined
Apr 18, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Nowhere
So i am a 30 years old woman, soon to be 31. Somehow, all the choices i made had lead me to complete loneliness. I have literally noone anymore in my life. I used to have friends and a very long term relationship. I destroyed everything by myself, lost all my friends one by one and later i left the only man i ever loved. I am paying all the mistakes i made. I wasnt feeling okay with myself, thats why i destroyed everything between me and others. Now all the old friends of mine are married, having their jobs and families and generally busy in life, we arent talking but its easy to find out through social media... I woudnt even dare to speak to them after so long, even if they forgave my bad behavior and absence of years, i am no near their social circle, there would be no time for me and in general its how i feel about everyone right now. I tried to speak to one of them some months ago, just to find out that she is married with a kid. I asked her to meet up for a coffee to catch up with our news, she said yes sure and since then she dissapeared... I feel just very behind in life, i dont have any job, i dont have any relationship, i dont have anything at all. Its been 3 years since i broke up with my ex boyfriend, since then i live in complete solitude , my ex moved on with other person , i still havent met anyone and i dont even know how to do this anymore. In my age it seems everyone are already in relationship, i live in a small town , i have no idea anymore what to do to meet some new people(moreover single) and job seems like impossible to find, even in other towns(i dont have any experience even if i have a bachelor degree, i finished university later in life and i own it only a few months now, everyone need experience, i never get an answer from all these cv's i am sending.....) I dont have a good relationship with my parents, no siblings... Actually my relationship with my parents were and always is terrible. They abused me psychically and verbally since i remember myself, maybe thats what lead me to always make unhealthy relationships with people. We have zero communication and they never cared to find out about my personal life anyway. Just helping me a bit with a few money to survive, which they never forget to hit on me in every chance they have. Maybe i need therapy with a psychologist, i realized it better now after i hit complete bottom and lost every single person i had ever known, but i have no money to do it, i have no money to do anything in general, because no job ,no money, just basic money to live that my parents provide. I feel like i am just existing until the my death day , that either will come natural , either by my own hand if i cant endure this anymore. 3 years now, everyday feels the same and this complete silence is killing me. I live by my own and thats because my parents dont even want me in the house, they prefer to help with a small rent so they can keep me away from them as usual. Since i was a kid they never had time for me, or wanted to know me better, i always felt a stranger in this family, like a burden that they had to tolerate... And i am so embarassed in the end to talk to other people with similar age, cos everyone seems to have their life in a balance , while i am a no life trash , what to even talk with these people, i know the look that i will see in their eyes. I have noone to help me to start from somewhere, noone to talk to feel a bit better, somehow it was my mistake how i ended up but i am paying it too expensively... Moreover this covid thing is restricting even more the things in every section. I tried online chating but it seems most of these people are looking for sex,even worse most men are married already, or divocred looking for some fun.... Seems like there is no hope anymore for me to find true love either, i know most people meet, get married and start a family in their 20s.... Sometimes the need of ending all is too strong and probably will become stronger as time keeps passing with nothing changing, i am trapped, i dont know what to do anymore...
 
JustinS1998

JustinS1998

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2020
Messages
101
Location
Pennsylvania
So i am a 30 years old woman, soon to be 31. Somehow, all the choices i made had lead me to complete loneliness. I have literally noone anymore in my life. I used to have friends and a very long term relationship. I destroyed everything by myself, lost all my friends one by one and later i left the only man i ever loved. I am paying all the mistakes i made. I wasnt feeling okay with myself, thats why i destroyed everything between me and others. Now all the old friends of mine are married, having their jobs and families and generally busy in life, we arent talking but its easy to find out through social media... I woudnt even dare to speak to them after so long, even if they forgave my bad behavior and absence of years, i am no near their social circle, there would be no time for me and in general its how i feel about everyone right now. I tried to speak to one of them some months ago, just to find out that she is married with a kid. I asked her to meet up for a coffee to catch up with our news, she said yes sure and since then she dissapeared... I feel just very behind in life, i dont have any job, i dont have any relationship, i dont have anything at all. Its been 3 years since i broke up with my ex boyfriend, since then i live in complete solitude , my ex moved on with other person , i still havent met anyone and i dont even know how to do this anymore. In my age it seems everyone are already in relationship, i live in a small town , i have no idea anymore what to do to meet some new people(moreover single) and job seems like impossible to find, even in other towns(i dont have any experience even if i have a bachelor degree, i finished university later in life and i own it only a few months now, everyone need experience, i never get an answer from all these cv's i am sending.....) I dont have a good relationship with my parents, no siblings... Actually my relationship with my parents were and always is terrible. They abused me psychically and verbally since i remember myself, maybe thats what lead me to always make unhealthy relationships with people. We have zero communication and they never cared to find out about my personal life anyway. Just helping me a bit with a few money to survive, which they never forget to hit on me in every chance they have. Maybe i need therapy with a psychologist, i realized it better now after i hit complete bottom and lost every single person i had ever known, but i have no money to do it, i have no money to do anything in general, because no job ,no money, just basic money to live that my parents provide. I feel like i am just existing until the my death day , that either will come natural , either by my own hand if i cant endure this anymore. 3 years now, everyday feels the same and this complete silence is killing me. I live by my own and thats because my parents dont even want me in the house, they prefer to help with a small rent so they can keep me away from them as usual. Since i was a kid they never had time for me, or wanted to know me better, i always felt a stranger in this family, like a burden that they had to tolerate... And i am so embarassed in the end to talk to other people with similar age, cos everyone seems to have their life in a balance , while i am a no life trash , what to even talk with these people, i know the look that i will see in their eyes. I have noone to help me to start from somewhere, noone to talk to feel a bit better, somehow it was my mistake how i ended up but i am paying it too expensively... Moreover this covid thing is restricting even more the things in every section. I tried online chating but it seems most of these people are looking for sex,even worse most men are married already, or divocred looking for some fun.... Seems like there is no hope anymore for me to find true love either, i know most people meet, get married and start a family in their 20s.... Sometimes the need of ending all is too strong and probably will become stronger as time keeps passing with nothing changing, i am trapped, i dont know what to do anymore...
Hey, just replying to say I relate to the main point of this. While I have never had a relationship and can’t relate to the situation with all that, I am a 22 year old man that is completely alone. I have no friends, and I don’t make face-to-face interactions with anybody every single day, nor do I text/message anyone. Just saying I relate to you on that.
 
P

Philw

Active member
Joined
Apr 17, 2021
Messages
27
Location
North Wales
Iv done exactly the same 39 today and mostly alone lost my family (missus and daughter and home) also my job and have no money I'm currently seeking help to win my family back but it's the Pitts.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,164
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
M

Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
1,164
Location
South America
Hello I'm more or less in the same boat. I feel totally lost and lonely. My life took a turn when I left behind many things to help some family members. Today they all forgot me and forgot all what I did for them. I feel I made a huge mistake and my heart has never been so broken.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,164
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I'm so sorry for your situation. You really have it rough. Please don't consider yourself "a no life trash," as you say. You are not a low-life, and you are not trash. Is it possible in your small town that you can see a psychiatrist for meds? Can you see a therapist for talk therapy? Both most likely will help you deal with your situation better. And hopefully, you can find a therapist who will take payment on a sliding scale. I think you have to fix yourself first before you can fix your situation. I, too, am pretty much alone. I don't make a lot of money (I'm on Social Security disability and cannot work), so I rent a room in this person's house. I don't feel so alone by doing so. Is it possible that you can do the same thing? It will help reduce your renting costs as well.
 
I

invisible man

Active member
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
Messages
37
Location
Wales
@Sorrow I feel similar in the sense of being trapped/Alone.. I have a few real friends but still relate a lot. Sorry you have gone through so much & I agree with the above with therapy it could help a great deal, feel free to message if needed things can get better !
 
L

LTV1985

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Manchester
Hello. It is very difficult for me to post or reply to posts that other members make. When I was reading your post @Sorrow, I couldn't help but relate to what you are going through, as have many others.
I find sometimes that after posting or writing your feelings down always helps towards understanding yourself and what you have been through.
Hopefully this entry is a small step towards a better tomorrow for you.
 
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