all about me.

[debbyftm]

I am 42 married with 3 children 18, 15 and 6.
My eldest has just moved out and gone off to Uni, my 15 yr old son lives with his dad, and i see him once a week if i am lucky enough for him to grace me with his presence.
I dont work at the moment as i have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis 3 years ago, and the meds i take me me feel yuk.

I think my lovely daughter moving out is what finally sent me further down.
My best friend and neighbour moved away in the spring, and the new neighbours who moved into her house dont speak to me, since i asked their son to stop being nasty with my little boy. My bro and his family lived opposite,and they have now also moved away.
I am also a full time carer for my parents. This in itself is a really drain on my energy levels, as having the arthritis, already makes me suffer from fatigue. My mother can be quite demanding, and she lets me know about it if i am not available when she requests me for something.
My mother in law, is very demanding of our time, and can be very nasty if we dont do things for her either.
My husband was unemployed for 3 years and is now working 12 hour shifts so i am alone a lot of the time, apart from when 6 yr old son is in from school or weekends, and its just me and him.
I live in a small village, with nothing much here to do. I have to rely on a really bad bus service to get about or wait until hubby is off and use the car.

So basically i feel stuck here, with life passing me by. I feel like i have run around after everyone all my life and i am still doing it. Ive brought up my kids, and now i have to care for elderly parents. I know its down to me to get off my arse and do something, but i keep finding barriers.

Transport!
My parents, if i stopped looking after them and something happened!
Who is going to look after my youngest if i get a job with hours out of school.
Finding a job local is hard as i have no good transport to get to nearest town 10 miles away.
I have no friends, i do have other mothers that i talk to at school, but thats as far as it goes.

I just feel so alone, i find myself crying most of the day and about nothing really, the tears just start flowing.
It took me years to find a real good friend, and i only had her for 4 years...and i now cant find anyone that will give me the same kind of friendship i had with my friend that moved.

summed up in one word....LONELY

I feel like maybe doing an Open University course, but if i have read through their list of subjects ive read it a thousand times, I cannot decide what to do.
From leaving school up until 2002 i have worked in care work, ive looked after elderly, mentally ill, on various hospital wards, autistic kids, physio dept, pharmacy assitant.
I know i cannot go back into care work due to arthritis, as i am limited to moving and handling of patient situations.
I feel like the longer i leave things and dont do anything, i am going to be looked upon as too old, and not worked for years, also my arthritis is only going to get worse with the years to come.

I just dont know what to do to get myself off the bottom. I have no one to talk to about how i feel. My husband is nt a big talker, and he just goes to work and worries about me he says.

I dont know how long i can keep doing this mundane life for before i finally flip.
I feel like everyone thinks i am this thing with no feelings, no emotions...i never get tired...i am always there at their beck and call.
I just cannot do it anymore..i cant. I want to be selfish and do something for me!!!
Time is ticking away for me and i dont know what to do or who to turn to. I just want a life back, so i can have some fun, and have a social life and some friends, and some self worth and self esteem.
My head is going to explode soon if i dont do something with my life.
Thanks for listening. Got a headache now and crying again.

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi debbie and to the forum.

I am so sorry for all your recent troubles. Lonliness is a very difficult thing to overcome, sometimes you can be surrounded by people but still feel so alone.

I hope you manage to make some friends on here and that members are understanding.

I have had a bad day myself today, it is not the norm for me lately but other members here have really helped me get through it and been tremendous in their support.

We have a variety of forums here to talk about different issues or difficulties we may be facing, so it might be worth having a look and getting involved in some conversations. We also have a chill out forum which is good for having a laugh and light hearted chat, and a two pence worths forum which is good for distracting yourself and getting involved in (a sometimes heated!) debate, or getting something off your chest.

If deciding on committing to a uni course is not something you can do right now why don't you try some local voluntary work in some areas you might be considering studying. That might give you a flavour for the course and some motivation to do it. Also you can build up a social circle that way, and be with people who have a shared interest. There a huge variety of voluntary jobs available, it is surprising what kinds of jobs are available.

Take care, and I hope you feel brighter soon

 

[CarlC]

Hey debby
You got a herbalist near you? if so go there and tell them about your arthiritis.YOu can also make/buy nettle tea as it helps to fight rheumatoid arthritis, it`s simple to make you just fight some nattles (away from traffics/roads) and you just pick the leaves,you then just put them in a sauce pan with some water and then boil them, and you can also eat the leaves aswell it tastes like spinach.
Here`s a link to all the benefits you get from nettle tea
That`s what i`d advise.OR you can look on the internet for teas and herbal remedies for rheumatoid arthritis.

God bless hope you feel better soon.

 

[flukebox]

whip the affected area with fresh stinging nettles, the tea is a poor substitute

the nettles stimulate circulation which in turn releives the pain and also helps to HEAL you so the arthritus actually dissapears over time

bloodflow is the healing agent in our bodies, and lack of it is the major cause for most of these types of ailments

take a squeeze of fresh lemon juice on the morning with a little honey and hot water and as much cayenne pepper as u can stand to stimulate bloodflow and youll soon be feeling a lot better

If your thinking this is a bit harsh, then consider that not too long ago EVERYONE used to do this in spring as part of their cleansing ritual

so get on with it, you big wussy

good luck!