Alcohol problem

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SelfRespect

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#1
I'm not an alcoholic as such but I have been drinking every night for years and have become seriously obese because of this. In May I decided enough was enough, cut down the alcohol, got a turbo trainer for my neglected bike and set about loosing weight. I have lost 1.5 stones, lost 10" off my waist and dropped 3,5 off my BMI. But, over the last three weeks have started to increase the alcohol consumption again. We order our shopping online and my husband and children do not check it, I've been buying enough to have two to three beers every night and 6 on a Friday (I had dropped to just 6 on a Friday b4) now I've convinced my husband to let me have some for the start of his holiday and I didn't add as many as I thought to the order, so now I have to trick my son, 13, to ride with me into town on bikes, 7 miles, for what it's worth, ( we can no longer afford a car) to go to the supermarket to buy more so I have enough to at least take we to Sunday. I'm slipping and don't know how to stop it. I tried once b4 and only lasted 6 weeks. I used to smoke b/w the ages of 9 and 22, when I decided to give up I did just like that, it was a sinch, so why does alcohol so easily defeat me?
 
sunset547544

sunset547544

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#2
I used to smoke b/w the ages of 9 and 22, when I decided to give up I did just like that, it was a sinch, so why does alcohol so easily defeat me??
I think everyone is wired up differently. E.g, I am the opposite, I have pretty much quit drinking and never looked back, but quitting smoking is a whole different ball game for me I have been trying to do that for over 20 years with some success but eventually the stress becomes too much for me to cope with and I start up again.
 
Tired Daisy

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#3
I had no choice to give up it was either giving up drinking or die a slow painful death from liver failure.

I wasn't an alcoholic and I did not drink everyday, I drank once every weekend but when I drank it would be a lot on that evening/night. Occasionally I'd have a drink during the week but not very often.

I did enjoy my drink and I miss it.

"I have liver problems which are unrelated to alcohol" if I drink alcohol I f**k my liver.
 
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S

SelfRespect

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#4
I have been told by my GP that my liver is under strain after a blood test, so I really need to drink responsibly so strained does not become damaged.

AG
 
Drooo

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#5
I'm not an alcoholic as such but I have been drinking every night for years and have become seriously obese because of this. In May I decided enough was enough, cut down the alcohol, ... But, over the last three weeks have started to increase the alcohol consumption again. We order our shopping online and my husband and children do not check it, I've been buying enough to have two to three beers every night and 6 on a Friday (I had dropped to just 6 on a Friday b4) now I've convinced my husband to let me have some for the start of his holiday and I didn't add as many as I thought to the order, so now I have to trick my son, 13, to ride with me into town on bikes, 7 miles, for what it's worth, ( we can no longer afford a car) to go to the supermarket to buy more so I have enough to at least take we to Sunday. I'm slipping and don't know how to stop it. I tried once b4 and only lasted 6 weeks.
"I'm not an alcoholic..."

Do you know who says things like that? Alcoholics. The first step is admitting to what your problem is. Everything you've said here suggests you most certainly are an alcoholic. You drink regularly, you can't stay away from it for long, you're being deceptive about your habit etc. Be honest with yourself and then be honest with your husband and go from there, seeking professional help, particularly addressing what is causing you to turn to alcohol in the first place.

Alcoholic drinks are full of sugar and sugar leads to cravings. When I had a problem with drink one of the things I was told was to tackle this by avoiding sugary foods as well, as it keeps a sugar-craving feeling going in the body. This sugar content is one part of why you can't quit it so easily, but only one part. The rest is likely made up of what's going on mentally for you to want it in the first place.
 
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SelfRespect

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#6
I'm sticking with my GPs diagnosis. She's known me for the last 18 years through thick and thin and I think after ten years of medical training to become a GP, if not more, she would know whether to call me an alcoholic or not and she says not, why? Because I can go through the whole day without alcohol and I am not physically addicted to it. I get no symptoms of withdrawal when I don't drink. I just enjoy relaxing at night with a pint of beer.

My mother on the other hand used to wake up, rinse out the cigarette butts she had stubbed out in ramekin dishes previously used as glasses (as she had run out of glasses) and fill them with vodka before she could even physically think of doing anything at all and she would drink till the night came, would hide her bottles in the toilet cistern away from my sister. I on the other hand just pop my empties into the bottle bin and my beer is kept open to view in the cupboard in the kitchen, never hidden or sneaked. True I have not told my husband that there is a few more than I had cut down to but he is welcome to look at any point he likes. I just worry that it's easy to fall back to enjoying my nightly indulgence and putting back on the weight I have lost.

AG
 
Kerome

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#7
My experience with addiction is low-level stuff like sugar and games, but its shown me that there is always something else behind addiction. If you’re truly, deeply happy with yourself and your surroundings, you won’t feel the urge to get addicted strongly and for the most part you’ll be able to drop them more easily. You say you dealt with tobacco without problems when you were younger, so likely the question is, what has changed?

I’d say, take a long look at yourself and the reasons you want to drink. Are you running away from something perhaps, or is there some feeling you want to obliterate?
 
S

SelfRespect

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#8
Mmm I have had mental health issues from as far back as I can remember, self harm started at 19 and is still apart of my life 32 years later, the drinking though didn't start until 2008 after I came out of a 4.5 month stint in psychiatric care, I decided to get a flat and be away from the children while I was in crisis and I started drinking I went from 10st to 17st in three years and have struggled to loose it since. I've been back home many years going from one crisis state to another and I use the beer to relax but only at night. My psychiatrist did say I had an addictive nature but I don't think I've been addicted to anything, maybe a little psychologically to booze, but she say's the sh is an addiction, I don't think so as it doesn't go beyond the crisis as in I don't self harm unless I'm in some sort of crisis.

AG
 
Drooo

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#9
That's okay, I wouldn't expect you to agree.

There's a documentary about alcoholism called "Rain in my heart", you should give it a watch. One of the people featured in it denied she was an alcoholic too... then she died during filming from the damage that alcohol had caused.
 
S

SelfRespect

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#10
As I said it's not just me that would disagree with you but my GP and also my psychiatrist who also said I wasn't alcoholic and I think that kind of educational backing makes it plain.

There is a big difference b/with denial and plain facts and I've been told by two medical professionals that I'm just a heavy drinker and that I should cut down because of my weight and that's all. Might I ask you what is your qualification to diagnose me as alcoholic?

AG
 
Drooo

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#11
I'm not qualified to give a medical opinion, I'm making an observation. Your diagnosis from a doctor would rely on you telling them the whole truth, I trust you do that?

Don't get defensive about this, it's something I know about from a personal perspective and I've seen it destroy someone that I know. I know that alcoholics NEVER think they are alcoholics. They ALWAYS point to other people who drink so much more than them and all of that. That's just the way that works. But nobody wants to be labelled an alcoholic so...
 
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SelfRespect

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#12
My doctor knows everything about me, all the unpleasant and pleasant details about me, the only people I've lied to about my drinking is at hospitals as I don't think it's that relevant to why I've been there.

It's easy to get a bit touchy when you've seen your mother in incredible dire straights and know you have never got there and never want to either. I was drinking 6 bottles of real ale a night and never during the day. My mum is now a tee total and no longer smokes. The only thing that really bothers me about our two situations is she'd drink am till pm and never got fat but I only drunk at night and ended up with a final weight of 18st 12!!

AG
 
Drooo

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#13
Drinking all day means probably not eating very much, maybe that's partly why. Drinking at night means the calories and sugar doesn't get burned off so just accumulates.
 
Z

Zoleyj1

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#14
The general definition of an alcoholic is someone who loses control over how much they drink, which I think you described.
You don't need to drink all day or experience withdrawals to be an alcoholic BUT if you find that often you can't just have the one or two you promised yourself then that is addiction taking over.
 
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SelfRespect

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#15
I don't loose control at all, I hardly think, when I was drinking this much, drinking 6 bottles at night and not during the day a lack of control by any stretch of the imagination. I like relaxing with beer at night, not cheap high alcohol content beer but mid range real ale which goes against alcoholism which is about the alcohol and getting drunk. I canny remember the last time I got drunk. I just have to accept it's making me put on weight and I need to cut down and the night time pleasure is something I cannot maintain, and again two highly educated medical professional Drs have said I'm not an alcoholic just a person who drinks more than the recommended amount and that I should cut down for health reasons

Ag
 
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ramboghettouk

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#16
if your an aa member or ex aa member everyone who drinks is an alcoholic, it's an article of faith like the only answer is complete abstension

god knows with me, the gp said i'm a problem drinker not an alcoholic a alcoholic drinks when he knows it's doing him harm

years ago i turned up at this off drug and alcohol clinic with a friend as they'd said they could get people offf psychiatric drugs, in reality it wasn't on offfer, my friend got talking to this guy she said your an alcoholic he said no i'm a problem drinker she started laughing
 
W

winofunk

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#17
Personally, I think it is down to the individual to decide whether or not they are alcoholic. I would have little faith in any professional's opinion.

I believe that alcoholism is an illness that tells you that you don't have it, and that can continue long after an alcoholic stops putting alcohol into their system.

I tried addiction counselling and I tried the Community Addictions Team, both approaching it from the perspective of controlling my alcohol consumption.

Neither worked because once I had taken that first drink, I could not stop. Complete abstinence was the only option for me.

In AA I learned that alcoholism is a three fold illness. It is physical, mental and spiritual. The physical aspect is what they regard as an abnormal reaction to alcohol - once I take one drink of alcohol, I cannot stop. They say one drink is too many, and a thousand is never enough.

The mental part is an obsession with alcohol. If I did not have any alcohol, I would be obsessing about how I would get some, where could I go to get it? If I did have some I would he worried that what I had would not be enough. Coupled with that is the belief that next time it might be different. Next time I won't offend or upset anyone. Next time I will be in control of it rather than it control me.

The spiritual side of it is not about religion. It is about how you feel on the inside. The best way I can describe it is my get-up-and-go got up and fucked off. I was dead on the inside. I had nothing to give emotionally. My sole relationship was with alcohol.

To me, it does not matter how frequently or infrequently you drink. It is what happens to you when you do take a drink.

If you do not believe you are an alcoholic, then go fill your boots and enjoy it. If there comes a time when it is costing you more than just money, then perhaps you might want to reconsider.
 
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S

SelfRespect

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#18
I guessed what you were saying :)

I guess it's pick and choose what you believe in when told something by a professional, I believed my psychiatrist about me not being an alcoholic but don't agree with her about me having BPD.

I just think I would be a lot less controlled than I am if I was seriously addicted, I very really get drunk but like to have enough to last through the evening and night, I drink slowly so that is not many bottles of ale, and on the rare occasions I do feel the effects more than others it does not result in detrimental actions to either myself or my family, the great majority of my SH is when I'm stone cold sober.

I get what your saying though :)
 
W

winofunk

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#19
SelfRespect, I have heard it said many times that you have to reach your own gutter before you do something about it.

Personally, I like to think that people do not need to wait until it gets that bad. I would hope that people do not need to wait until AA is the only door open to them before they accept they have a problem.

Enjoy your evening :)
 
S

SelfRespect

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#20
OK I admit it, I've been trying to remove myself from my original post :rolleyes: I do think about alcohol all the time, It's not about getting drunk as I can be satisfied before that, it's just a psychological attachment to the idea that I cannot be happy unless I have had some alcohol in the evening. When I was a kid I'd say to my stepfather "do you want a sweet?" and he'd say "No, if I had one I'd want them all" and that is what it feels like, you get the taste and want to continue. I don't continue until I'm heavily drunk, as I said I drink slowly so drunk is never a thing, but yes I do struggle not to drink and I want to have alcohol every night and I do try to think, "How can I convince my husband to buy some? Can I get him to agree to a £40 Tesco shop and allow me a few beers :low: maybe I am an alcoholic and just in denial I just want to be happy throughout the week and have a beer on a Friday with my husband and his Friday bottle of wine and not feel disappointing that there is nothing the next day.

I am an alcoholic aren't I? soo depressing :low: I'm like a young child begging for sweets, I really am, I criticise my teenage daughter for asking for sweets and chocolate and I'm no better with my husband and beer:low:

AG