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Alcohol is the only thing that helps

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Taavi

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Joined
Aug 9, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Europe
I think I have a strange relationship with alcohol or maybe I'm just being overdramatic, idk.
I used to basically not drink at all, maybe one glass at a party or so. I had no interest in getting drunk and I never enjoyed the taste of alcoholic beverages. My father even mocked me for it and called me stuck up.
This changed suddenly about two months ago when I realised that alcohol is a good way to numb my thoughts and feelings. For several weeks I drank almost every night BUT: never much, usually 100 ml of vodka mixed with lemonade. Just enough to calm me down and take the edge off and be able to sleep better.
Then ten days ago I overdid it, not by drinking too much but by mixing different drinks which not made me drunk but still lead to me feeling incredibly sick and throwing up several times. It was a thoroughly unpleasant experience which I don't wish to repeat. After that I had completely lost any desire to consume anything alcoholic and at the same time I felt good emotionally so I thought that topic was over.
Unfortunately yesterday something made me feel terrible emotionally and I tried to handle it by drinking a whole bottle of wine. I know that doesn't sound a lot but if you're not used to then it feels a lot. I definitely felt the effects this time. And the bad thing is that I liked it.
I like and simultaneously hate how easy it is to numb oneself. I would lie if I said I wasn't tempted to do it again.
I never drink much so it might sound ridiculous and a bit overdramatic but I find it kinda scary because tbh this is the only thing that makes me feel ok. But emptying a bottle of wine any time I feel frustrated or depressed can't be a solution.
I know I sound overdramatic when I say this but I'm scared that if I don't find an alternative I might end up with an addiction one day.
I need a healthy alternative but I really can't think of anything.
 
J

Jomp

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Jul 25, 2020
Messages
132
Location
UK
It's not over-dramatic; anything that becomes a dependency to help cope with emotional stress is a problem.

Promise to stay off all alcohol for six weeks; shouldn't be a problem for someone with your limited exposure. If you can't do that, then it's time to speak to someone who can help.
 
EddieH

EddieH

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Oct 29, 2017
Messages
9,904
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Try to break the habit while you still can. What i was drinking to cope with my problems has become the problem. I believe most of my mental health problems are caused by alcohol, but I cant quit. It is a curse, so fed up with the stuff
 
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Nukelavee

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Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,919
Location
London, ON
Drinking to numb how you feel is a terrible reason to drink - it can become an unending cycle.

I have a very close friend who justifies her drinking problem because "it's for her anxiety". Of course, she also takes benzos for the anxiety, and vapes CBD, for the anxiety.

I'm nearly to the point of cutting her off from my life. All my support is simply enabling her.

At the least, I'm going to tell her if she ends up homeless due to booze, I'm not helping her.

Makes me feel shitty for saying that, but I'm not ruining my mental health (such as it is) because she has no will power.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,321
Location
Glasgow
Using any substance as a crutch is a bad idea. Ive had substance abuse issues my whole life and though short term it may alleviate you fellings believe me in the long run it cripples you
 
T

Taavi

Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Europe
I'm weak and it seems like I have become unable to deal with negative emotions. During the day it's mostly ok but in the evening I find it hard to cope and I don't wanna bother anyone so I just sit here, feeling increasingly stressed out. It would be so easy to steal some alcohol from my parents. They wouldn't even notice. They don't drink a lot so all gifted bottles for birthdays and stuff is just sitting there. I'm so fucking sad and it drives me crazy knowing the stuff is there and it would help but I'm not "allowed" to drink it.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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I'm weak and it seems like I have become unable to deal with negative emotions. During the day it's mostly ok but in the evening I find it hard to cope and I don't wanna bother anyone so I just sit here, feeling increasingly stressed out. It would be so easy to steal some alcohol from my parents. They wouldn't even notice. They don't drink a lot so all gifted bottles for birthdays and stuff is just sitting there. I'm so fucking sad and it drives me crazy knowing the stuff is there and it would help but I'm not "allowed" to drink it.
Ive used alcohol, amphetamines, benzos, opiates etc as a crutch to deal with my stuff. Never a good idea. We all say we wont get addicted cause we are have it under control. Honestly substances become worse than the problems your running from
 
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Taavi

Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Europe
Is it weird that I feel so conflicted?
50% of me is like "shit, this isn't good, I really need to stop"
50% is like "you've literally been drunk ONCE, stop being dramatic"
It's like I don't have a problem but it COULD become a problem and that's what freaks me out. It's not about amount or frequency but about the reasons behind why I drink. If i got drunk every weekend partying and having fun I probably wouldn't worry about it. But because I do it alone and while feeling like crap is why it doesn't feel right.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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Is it weird that I feel so conflicted?
50% of me is like "shit, this isn't good, I really need to stop"
50% is like "you've literally been drunk ONCE, stop being dramatic"
It's like I don't have a problem but it COULD become a problem and that's what freaks me out. It's not about amount or frequency but about the reasons behind why I drink. If i got drunk every weekend partying and having fun I probably wouldn't worry about it. But because I do it alone and while feeling like crap is why it doesn't feel right.
Its not weird at all. And the fact your thinking and rationalising is a good thing. Its all to easy to fall down the rabbit hole and very difficult to find your way back. Use this forum as a crutch. It will serve you much better
 
T

Taavi

Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Europe
I hate myself when I drink and I hate life when I don't. I can't win can i
 
T

Taavi

Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2020
Messages
12
Location
Europe
For real though is there anything that makes you feel calm and numb the way alcohol does but that isn't alcohol or similarly damaging
 
Martian

Martian

Member
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
23
Location
Minnesota
I had my first episode of psychosis last winter. Alcohol was a factor. I always wondered if I was an alcoholic, but I don't crave it. I think I used it because nothing else "worked." Then I finally got on meds that do work. No more alcohol. You're only hurting yourself. It never helps anything if we're honest about it. To drink to point of being sick is something my old body and mind can't handle anymore. I hope you find something else to help, new doctor, therapist, SARDAA meetings... Best wishes to you. Stay safe.
 
U

Undercoverofthenight

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Dallas, Tx
First of all, I know exactly where you are coming from.

I have gone through periods in my life of heavy drinking, and It was the only thing that helped. or so I thought.

Let me tell you, that is a lie. Alcohol is a liar. It will relieve you of your stress, worries, and anxiety's for the day, for the night. But it will turn on you. And leave you feeling far worse than you did before.

Alcohol is a toxin. In excess, it will wreak havoc on you physically and mentally.

Alot of people turn to Alcohol because it is Legal, and very socially acceptable.
But let me just give you an example of how bad it is for you.
There is a substance fact/forum website called Erowid. People review and share there experiences on every substance known to man. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And Alcohol has the highest percentage of bad reviews.

Alcohol in excess will turn your brain to mush. Ruin your liver, heart, stomach, etc.
 
C

Cillian

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Joined
Sep 16, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Germany
Hi I'm back. Sorry, I couldn't remember what email I used to register so I had to set up another account.

Things haven't really gotten any better. Sometimes I don't drink for a week and think that's it, I don't need that stuff anymore and have no cravings whatsoever. Then something happens again and I need it to numb myself so I don't have to feel all this shit. I never drink a lot but I like the buzz of slight inebriation. It calms me down. I likes things to be numb. Idk if that's bad
 
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