Agoraphobic, in college, just not doing well

T

Tobel

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Apr 9, 2018
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#1
I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the past, then that became a diagnosis of bipolar disorder due to my genetic history.

Recently I've met with another doctor who has gone back to a diagnosis of anxiety, panic disorder and agoraphobia.

He prescribed Prozac (20 mg) once a day and Kolonopin (1mg) two times a day as needed.

I'm having such a hard time even with the prescriptions. I know Prozac takes a minute to build up and I've only used it for about a week now, but I had expected the kolonopin to help out.

I'm still having such a hard time leaving my house to go to class. I read the material at home, do the online assignments, will go in and take tests and bolt out of there and I get A's and B's on all that...but I have D's and F's in my classes because I can't take myself there.

I want to get my haircut but I feel like I'm going to throw up and soon as I even think about getting ready.

I am able to leave the house, go out around people, but the whole time I'm out I'm on edge, I'm aggravated, and all I can think about is getting back home. Even at my house I am only comfortable in a few rooms. Once I venture from the bedroom, living room, or guest room...I can feel the agitation returning.

I really don't have a point to this post but to vent to similar people. I try to tell my partner about all this and the response I get back is "Just force yourself," or "What could happen? Just have to have the willpower," and I just can't get him to understand there's a physical change within me that makes me just feel like I'm stuck.

I'm in my 20's, have failed out of colleges before because I didn't go to the classes, this is really my last shot at getting my degree. I have previously self-medicated with drugs but have quit all hard drugs, I'm just not able to stop smoking weed. Unfortunately my doctor said he would only work with me if I test clean for weed on drug tests. I'm freaking out because I don't know if I'll be able to stop in time to test negative on my test in 5 weeks, I'm freaking out because I know I need to stop and can't seem to, I am failing 2 of my 5 courses as a direct result of not going.

My relationship is suffering because he wants to go out, have friends over, be social, and I'm always like "My stomach hurts, how about a movie night" and I'm pretty sure we have watched everything on every streaming service three times now because of it. He keeps telling me he's holding on until I get myself worked out because he knows how great of a person I am and how much potential I have, but I feel like I'm wearing out that invitation.


It's been years of psychiatric help, genetic tests to find the right medications, paramedics showing up after medications knocked me unconscious, I just feel like I'm getting nowhere.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#2
Sorry about all your anxiety. I have it bad too. Especially anthropophobia. I hope you make progress soon. Good job for going to college. Maybe you could get a work from home job when you are graduated? :hug:
 
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