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Agoraphobia

C

change

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
39
It's gotten bad, again.

Chronic childhood trauma led to complex ptsd, and for awhile, I had a pretty good bout in recovery.

But here lately I've completely fizzled out. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to interact with anybody.

2 years ago, I spent a year not leaving my house. This is the beginning of another episode similar to that. I make appointments, and cancel them or just don't show up. I was doing alright. It's just gotten bad again. I've made friends, and one of them makes it a point to always go out to eat when I tell her it's getting hard to leave the house. So there's no way I'm going to tell anyone. I just can't handle it. I get this feeling like I'm embarrassed to be alive when I'm around other people.

My hot water quit working so now I've got to interact with the apartments maintenance system. I have to talk to them and let them in my house. The stress of this has ruined the whole day for me. I cried over it.

I really have no reason to be this way. My backstory's tragic, but it's a backstory. It's not the present moment. Everything's beyond easy in the present moment, or at least, would be if I was anyone else. I am completely overwhelmed.

I feel like I've tried every thing I possibly could to not end up this way again, and here I am,bawling like a baby over non-problems, living a very pampered and cared for existence, and unable to open up to anyone.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
792
Location
California, USA
It's gotten bad, again.

Chronic childhood trauma led to complex ptsd, and for awhile, I had a pretty good bout in recovery.

But here lately I've completely fizzled out. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to interact with anybody.

2 years ago, I spent a year not leaving my house. This is the beginning of another episode similar to that. I make appointments, and cancel them or just don't show up. I was doing alright. It's just gotten bad again. I've made friends, and one of them makes it a point to always go out to eat when I tell her it's getting hard to leave the house. So there's no way I'm going to tell anyone. I just can't handle it. I get this feeling like I'm embarrassed to be alive when I'm around other people.

My hot water quit working so now I've got to interact with the apartments maintenance system. I have to talk to them and let them in my house. The stress of this has ruined the whole day for me. I cried over it.

I really have no reason to be this way. My backstory's tragic, but it's a backstory. It's not the present moment. Everything's beyond easy in the present moment, or at least, would be if I was anyone else. I am completely overwhelmed.

I feel like I've tried every thing I possibly could to not end up this way again, and here I am,bawling like a baby over non-problems, living a very pampered and cared for existence, and unable to open up to anyone.
I’m so sorry. I deal with this, too. It’s very tough when you think you have it under control, and it comes back. What helped you last time to overcome it?
 
N

Neverhappy

Active member
Joined
May 26, 2019
Messages
38
Location
Essex
Your backstory is very important my love....never forget that. How are you now?
 
C

change

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
39
Okay, so here's an update:

Today I went to my GP and got a medication refill. I met a new therapist and will start working with her in about a month. My GP is really supportive, told me not to feel guilty about setbacks.

I'm the only one I know in real life who's like this, so it feels so odd. I wish I didn't struggle with this. I have friends with other problems, but an inability to leave the house isn't something any of them can relate to. It creates the illusion that it's both a weird problem to have as well as a problem that nobody should have. Or at least it does in my head. I'm embarrassed to admit it to people in real life.

I just really thought that if I pushed myself in therapy that this would all go away, but it hasn't. It's crushing.

Omigoodness, I'm kind'a on a pity pot. M'bad. They upped my meds, so I'm hopeful that that will help, since the previous dose worked wonderfully in the beginning.

Thanks to everyone for your support! I appreciate it!
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
792
Location
California, USA
I’m glad to hear you are getting help. Hopefully, with therapy and medication, you can get back on track.
I'm the only one I know in real life who's like this, so it feels so odd.
I think agoraphobia is rare, but you are definitely not alone. I struggle with it too, and relapse often, but have always gotten back to being able to go out again. I’m sure you will, too.
 
R

Ragdoll what are houses

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
91
Location
Sussex england
I can relate to all your problems. Have been agroaphobic for a year now, can only face going out holding on someone's arm and that is hard but I force myself to do it. It's awful to feel cut off from everything but at the same time not wanting to do anything. Your world becomes so small and sometimes I feel like just giving up. I am seeing my doctor next week about medication, can you tell me what you are taking. Best wishes that you will feel better soon.
 
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