
x3n
Member
Hi. I am a 23 years old male, that (since his late teens) is having a lot of problems and confusion in his life. Long story short.... I've been housebound for the last 6 years. I developed the agoraphobia due to the unexpected cancer death in my familly. Since then, I feel like I am jailed.... During all those years, I have left my house only four times. Two times in 2014, when I was actually working on the phobia with my psychiatrist, once in 2015 and the last time 2 weeks ago. I cant really describe the fear and feeling of terror when I am outside. It just feels like nightmare, a different terrific universum. The thought of staying in open area is terrific. My body starts shaking, I cant even controll my movement. At this point, I dont even know what am I supposed to do....
I know I have wasted the best years of my life and for the majority of that time I stayed in home and decided to ignore my problems and let them win with me. I dont have job, car, girlfriend, degree.... Im basicly alienated from the outside world. I have very very lovely familly, thanks to them i managed to finish highschool. They do everything for me, but I always feel bad for it, because when you think about it this way, which familly would like to have such a useless son? Some of my friends and the people I know, they always tell me that I wasted my life. That because I have nothing at the age of 23, I will neither be able to achieve it later. It hurts, but deeply inside of me, I think its true.
I dont know how am I supposed to fight with my problems. I cant even attend terapy. I cant even leave my home for anytime longer than a couple of minutes. I do have dreams, I do have passions, I would like to go to college, to set myself on a proper career path, but it just feels impossible. I love playing on a guitar, I would like to make it my job. I feel like my life is already over. At the age of 23 i have nothing. Nothing...
My another problem is alcohol abuse. Due to the amout of untreated problems (OCD, Depression, Anxiety etc.) I have started to abuse alcohol very heavily. For the last 1.5 year, on every friday/saturday I drink 6-10 beers, sometimes during regular days too. I know its bad for my health (as im already obese and have no physical activity) but it just feels like getting super drunk is the only way to feel "good" and free of problems. When I think about alcohol, it makes me happy, I would like to stop with this habbit, but Im afraid I cant.
What should I do? I would like to have a normal life, but at this point it might be impossible to achieve. I have a wonderfull familly, I live only, because of them. I am 23 years old and I wasted my life already. Sorry for long post.
I know I have wasted the best years of my life and for the majority of that time I stayed in home and decided to ignore my problems and let them win with me. I dont have job, car, girlfriend, degree.... Im basicly alienated from the outside world. I have very very lovely familly, thanks to them i managed to finish highschool. They do everything for me, but I always feel bad for it, because when you think about it this way, which familly would like to have such a useless son? Some of my friends and the people I know, they always tell me that I wasted my life. That because I have nothing at the age of 23, I will neither be able to achieve it later. It hurts, but deeply inside of me, I think its true.
I dont know how am I supposed to fight with my problems. I cant even attend terapy. I cant even leave my home for anytime longer than a couple of minutes. I do have dreams, I do have passions, I would like to go to college, to set myself on a proper career path, but it just feels impossible. I love playing on a guitar, I would like to make it my job. I feel like my life is already over. At the age of 23 i have nothing. Nothing...
My another problem is alcohol abuse. Due to the amout of untreated problems (OCD, Depression, Anxiety etc.) I have started to abuse alcohol very heavily. For the last 1.5 year, on every friday/saturday I drink 6-10 beers, sometimes during regular days too. I know its bad for my health (as im already obese and have no physical activity) but it just feels like getting super drunk is the only way to feel "good" and free of problems. When I think about alcohol, it makes me happy, I would like to stop with this habbit, but Im afraid I cant.
What should I do? I would like to have a normal life, but at this point it might be impossible to achieve. I have a wonderfull familly, I live only, because of them. I am 23 years old and I wasted my life already. Sorry for long post.