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Aftermath and shame..

B

Beau Bay

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2021
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4
Location
UK
First time posting. I am curious to learn about other peoples experiences in hope I can gain an insight into ways to deal with this awful mental battle. I’m still coming to terms with BPD and trying to learn how I can deal with it in order to move forward. A typical “episode” of rage and anger (and everything that comes with it) occurred yesterday between me and my partner. A comment was made by him but the derogatory tone he used (after I snapped at him) was enough to tip me over the edge.

I have apologised for what happened and all seemed to be forgiven. We’re both learning how to adapt to this mental illness but I struggle with the aftermath that comes with my outburst.

I find it hard to explain but I feel somewhat awkward, guilty and ashamed. I feel like a let down to myself and him. These feelings take over and I wallow in self pity finding it hard to move on from this problem/get back to feeling “normal” within my relationship.

How can I cope with the feeling of guilt after everything I caused :(
 
lilbit

lilbit

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2018
Messages
71
Location
London
Hi Beau

I can totally empathise with how you're feeling. Sorry I don't have any answers or advice but at least be supportive and let you know you're not the only one :)
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,176
First time posting. I am curious to learn about other peoples experiences in hope I can gain an insight into ways to deal with this awful mental battle. I’m still coming to terms with BPD and trying to learn how I can deal with it in order to move forward. A typical “episode” of rage and anger (and everything that comes with it) occurred yesterday between me and my partner. A comment was made by him but the derogatory tone he used (after I snapped at him) was enough to tip me over the edge.

I have apologised for what happened and all seemed to be forgiven. We’re both learning how to adapt to this mental illness but I struggle with the aftermath that comes with my outburst.

I find it hard to explain but I feel somewhat awkward, guilty and ashamed. I feel like a let down to myself and him. These feelings take over and I wallow in self pity finding it hard to move on from this problem/get back to feeling “normal” within my relationship.

How can I cope with the feeling of guilt after everything I caused :(
You sound like you need reassurance, if so tell him how you are feeling inside. Once you know the air has been cleared, you can both move on from it... :hug:
 
B

Beau Bay

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2021
Messages
4
Location
UK
Hi Beau

I can totally empathise with how you're feeling. Sorry I don't have any answers or advice but at least be supportive and let you know you're not the only one :)
thank you so much. It’s a very strange feeling. Thank you
 
B

Beau Bay

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2021
Messages
4
Location
UK
You sound like you need reassurance, if so tell him how you are feeling inside. Once you know the air has been cleared, you can both move on from it... :hug:
Thank you so much. It really is as simple as that. Things just aren’t always that clear when consumed by the feelings/emotions. Thanks once again
 
B

Bpdcgd

Active member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
44
Location
Ireland
I hate the shame. Wanting to avoid feeling it motivates me to try my best to use skills learned in therapy to avoid ending up experiencing days of shame for a couple of minutes of madness.
In my humble opinion feeling the shame is good in a way though, it reminds me I'm a decent person who has outburst but doesnt intend to hurt those close to me.
Your partner seems to be a decent guy willing to accept your illness and work with you. A suggestion I would have is maybe agree a safe word with your partner(try picking something funny). If your partner sees you are in the mits of an episode he can say the safe word and it may give you that moment to stop and think or walk away and calm down before you say so much that you feel terrible afterwards.
 
B

Beau Bay

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2021
Messages
4
Location
UK
I hate the shame. Wanting to avoid feeling it motivates me to try my best to use skills learned in therapy to avoid ending up experiencing days of shame for a couple of minutes of madness.
In my humble opinion feeling the shame is good in a way though, it reminds me I'm a decent person who has outburst but doesnt intend to hurt those close to me.
Your partner seems to be a decent guy willing to accept your illness and work with you. A suggestion I would have is maybe agree a safe word with your partner(try picking something funny). If your partner sees you are in the mits of an episode he can say the safe word and it may give you that moment to stop and think or walk away and calm down before you say so much that you feel terrible afterwards.
I couldn’t agree more! Thank you for the advice! I will most definitely give it a go. It’s so easy to get lost in your clouded judgement you lose sense of the “right” thing to do
 

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