it took a long time to accept the limitations of the illness, but hopefully I can manage it a lot better, there is hope out there, you can reach middle age without achieving all of your goals and have a state of understanding and some peace. I have adapted to the harsh conditions inside of me and the outside world and not be all angry, most of the time. I don't need to "cure" myself or "change" myself, my body/brain did the correct thing by protecting me, it was what it was protecting me from that was the issue. You can see it as a disease or incorporate it as a survival mechanism, it didn't survive millions of years of evolution for nothing. Your negative thoughts about this condition are real and true, but thoughts can change . It's not your fault, and try to be more compassionate to yourself and your body. Allow the negative emotions to come up and have their place, if you feel safe to do so...they are are important to the regulation of your emotional, intellectual and physical well being. You people did the right thing by internalising it, hence why you have a diagnosis, wear it as a badge of self control. The weak ones are those who wrongfully externalised their anger on others....