Afraid to look mom in the eye

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PeopleRtheWalkingDead2me

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Aug 22, 2018
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69
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Texas
#1
My mom always let my older brother get by with beating me and my little sister. All she would do was scold him.
When I was in 2’nd grade (about 7 years old) mom beat the hell out of (more like physically and mentally tortured) me, my older brother and little sister with belts, coat hangers, fists and slaps for about five minutes every day after we came home from school for five days in a row. Then she’d tell us if we ever told anyone about it she’d kill us. After that she’d take me in the kitchen and make me look her in the eyes while she was looking back at me with the most evil and terrifying look in her eyes I’ve ever seen and she’d tell me that I wasn’t ever allowed to look her in the eyes unless she told me to. Then we felt constant fear until we went to school the next morning.

Before that time I viewed the world as a mostly exciting place full of adventure and possibilities. But afterward I felt like the world was a dangerous place, to always be suspicious, to never drop my guard and that I could never fully trust anyone. Oh, and I could never look anyone I didn’t know very well in the eyes without feeling terrified. So when in public I almost always avoided making eye contact.

Anyone else ever experience such abuse?
 
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PeopleRtheWalkingDead2me

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Aug 22, 2018
Messages
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Location
Texas
#2
Sorry, wrong thread

Sorry, I put this in the wrong thread. Should be in the: "Bullying, Mental and Physical Abuse Issues."

Could a moderator please place this thread properly? Thanks.
 
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PeopleRtheWalkingDead2me

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Location
Texas
#3
I've already put it in the right thread. All that need be done is delete this one. Thanks moderator.
 
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PeopleRtheWalkingDead2me

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Texas
#5
If your mother did all that then two options for me would be possible
One is forgive her and try to get close to her or ignore her for the rest of your life,if i could i would do the same and ive been also abused as a child.
Well, nkirkas I didn't try to get close and I couldn't ignore her until I left home. But even then I still came back to see my brother and sister.

So sorry for your abuse as a child. I understand though. look up "toxic shame" this should get you pointed in the right recovery direction. At least I'm trying it for starters.
 
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vent101

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May 20, 2019
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15
Location
London
#6
Yeah looking in the eyes can be intimidating
I was abused as a child too... funnily enough even up until a year ago it was still happening I'm 2 now.
I felt safer outside than inside
I've had to move out ad live on my own and every person I've lived with since has been toxic its been a nightmare
th positive I've taken from abuse is I'm far more empathetic... sometimes too much
even the emotional abuse has left scars that I still carry with me today... I feel so stupid saying it... but it doesn't feel like a choice I feel like in someways I've become what my uncle wanted me tobe all along