- Aug 4, 2020
i just wanted to let you guys no i have not been diagnosed. but i have no one to talk to so i would really appreciate if you could let me know if my fear is valid or if this is all a phobia and it's not normal. So, i used to go on gorey websites when i was younger. I'm very disappointed i did so. My cousin always went with me. But he never stopped. I don't know this for sure vut i genuinely think he enjoys going on the websites. We also fight a lot. I've done and said really horrible things to him. He did to me. But when i visited him today he brought up everything i've done that upset him. Which is absolutely valid and i completely understand. I've apologised so many times, i told him that i would do anything to fix what i've done. I know words don't fix anything. It's just the fact that he resents me for everything but i don't. It's really frustrating because he NEVER apologised for anything HE did. He does not have to forgive me, he can also hate me. But he will never acknowledge his part in why we ever fought. He is a very resentful person. So this is where my whole fear even started: If he is so resentful and so obsessed with gore, what if he plans on doing something to me or my family members? Is this selfish to think about because if it is i will try to stop thinking about it. Also he introduced me to his friend who apparently "likes" me and wants to get to know me better but what if this is just a plan to make me feel comfortable enough around them to kill me? My cousin always brings him up and uplifts his friend every cahnce he gets. This is probably normal but thinking it comes from him i don't know how to feel. He is also manipulative and has been since he was a baby. He has lived through hard times. But okay, here is my question: Is my fear valid? Should i avoid him and his friend at all costs? Or is this fear ridiculous and i'm overthinking all of this. Cause i once visted him and when his mom offered me pie and juice, i refused because i genuinely thought it was gonna be poisoined. It wasn't because a friend ate from it and nothing happened. So yeah...thanks for reading my story.