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Nicola09

Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2009
Messages
14
Location
Midlands
hi everyone
I haven't actually 'officially' been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder yet. I rapid cycle, one day I will be manic and then the next day I will be feeling completely depressed and suicidal. Sometimes I can have a few different mood swings in one day. It's really awful, i just can't predict how i'm going to feel and its horrible.
I'm a student, and although many students are in debt and have maxed out overdrafts.. most can control their spending. When i'm manic i just cant. One day i woke up and decided I would go and buy a £900 apple laptop. So i did. When i came down I realised what a stupid thing that was, as i had no money left to pay bills or pay for food. At the time i fouond it perfectly fine to spend this amount of money. I didn't even think about it properly, just saw it advertised on the computer and decided i liked it so would buy it. I can't control the spending and it's rediculous. My overdraft is maxed out by £2000 and the bank wont let me increase it, which is probably a good thing. ITs a good job i only had a debit card and not a credit card too. THe problem is i have no money coming from anywhere, i have to rely on my loan. But if i become manic anywher around the time i get my loan it's gone, and i really can't control it. I need to get a job - but i just cant face one. I never know how i'm going to feel. If im in a depressed state of mind then i wont cope with working, if im manic i couldnt do it, god knows what i would end up doing :(
Has anyone got any advise? I'm going to see my GP as soon as the term starts again, which will be early January. I dont have any support, apart from a therapist. What should I do?
I was also wondering, does anyone experience paranoia? I've been told a few times i'm being paranoid, but i'm not sure if its paranoia or true. WHen i'm driving i can see police cars behind me and i'm adamant they are following me, so sometimes i end up driving down a different road just to see. The other day I had to ring the Samaritans, but i had to put the phone down on them cos i was so sure the police where listening in and tracking the call to see what I was saying. Sometimes I also believe people know what i'm thinking. WHen i'm suicidal i feel like the police know and so they follow me around. I also feel like im being followed when im walking, sometimes i'll see shadows around me and im sure someon is there too. I also see things fly past the corner of my eye, but when i look theres nothing there. I'm not sure what this is, is it paranoia or is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Or could it even be true?! Has anyone else experienced this?
Sorry for long post, i just dont know what to do with myself to be honest!

Nicola
 
A

Affective

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
414
I was also wondering, does anyone experience paranoia?
Yes, I do. When I was Manic I was so high and I believed I was going to lead a revolution that would change the entire planet and I was convinced the government knew. So I'd even see people outside my window holding weapons and I believed they were going to kill me and voices in my head saying people would be coming soon to take me away, and of course I believed them.

WHen i'm suicidal i feel like the police know and so they follow me around. I also feel like im being followed when im walking, sometimes i'll see shadows around me and im sure someon is there too.
When I'd walk alone I'd feel people grabbing my back and I'd turn around there would be no one there.

What I'm trying to say is that these experiences you are having are psychotic, which means they are false beliefs. And if you don't believe me just look at what I've said, I'm psychotic with a mood disorder and we are having similar experiences.

Hope this helped my friend :)
 
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