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New member
Sep 23, 2009
I'm not sure what is wrong with me, for a lot of years I have just assumed it's depression, and have done my best to accomodate it, comes and goes, highs and lows and it has kind of worked.

The past year however I'm finding it increasingly hard to cope. There hasn't really been a change in my circumstances or anything that may have triggered anything.

Aside from the 'depsression' I'm struggling to even feel sad. I just feel kind of empty and muted a lot of the time. I'm ALWAYS tired and feel like I'm coming down with something, without actually ever getting properly ill. I don't really ever feel happy, but at the same time, I can't really say I am sad. Empty is the best word I can think of.

I have a job that relies on me being able to organise a lot of things and is very mathematics based. Over the past year, my ability to deal with tasks at work has decreased significantly for others to now be noticing. They just assume I'm being lazy and unproductive, but in truth I can't seem to focus on any one task for a length of time. I often forget what I'm supposed to be doing and am extremly easilly distracted. I'm not noticing errors and mistakes in my work as I should and this is really not helping. Whenever I try and organise or concentrate on a a task in my head it's like I'm fighting white noise to make sense of it.

Socially, I've always struggled a bit with groups of people and I've never really liked going out on nights out. I enjoy evenings in with people I know, but going out and meeting new people and having to speak to them is something that feels like a complete chore to me. I am always very wary I am coming across as a complete wierdo to people as well, and end up over analysing every thing thats said and end up just sitting quietly and listening rather than speaking.

I don't like people in my personal space, and people touching me or being in my personal space, even if it's affectionatly on their behalf, it makes me panicky. However, I must send out the right signals, because people rarely approach me or get into my personal space unless they really have to.

Recently, in the past 18 months perhaps, I've had instances where I'm asked a question, or I'm having a conversation, and what is in my head, is not what comes out of my mouth. I end up just stumbling over the beginning of the sentance then just saying "forget it." This is ok when I'm chatting with friends, but at work meetings, it makes me look like I have a speech impediment.

The frequency of this happening is increasing, it used to happen once every few weeks perhaps, now its 2/3 times a day. And not just in groups of people where the conversation is quick anymore, it's happened when I'm just talking casually to one person.

I have moments, and these come randomly but pretty frequently, where what I am doing doesn't feel real. Like I'm watching it through someone elses eyes, or on a television or something. I've been led to belive these could be anxiety attacks, but I've not had conformation medically or anything. They don't occur when I'm paticularly anxious or anything, they are normally random. It more often than not occurs when I'm driving, but it has occured at other times as well.

I spend a lot of time in completly fictional scenarios in my head. I know these aren't real, and I'm under no illusion they are anything but daydreams, but sometimes they are scarily lucid. Most are just nonsensical situations with made up people but some are really inappropriate, such as everyone in my immediatly family being killed and what I'd have to sort out, and how I'd go about organising the funeral. How other people would react etc. Don't get me wrong, I don't wish any harm on any of them, I love them all, but this is what I end up thinking and obsessing about, amongst other morbid things, like how I would kill my self if I did.. not that I have been feeling suicidle.. I had not intentions of trying to carry these out.

Family history wise, I'm not sure if this is relevant but my grandmother on my dads side has schitzophrenia and my dads never been a perfect picture of mental health but he's never been diagnosed with anything specific, apart from a sizable herion addiction.

This is a long post I know, but I wanted to get everything down in writing. I have been to the drs before and tried explaining how I felt but I couldn't explain it properly. So I figured I could post here to get some advice, and maybe just print this post of and give it to my doctor.. as it articulates what I can't vocalise. I don't know if everything I've mentioned is relevant, or if any of it is relevent really, if it sounds like I'm being a whingy hypocondriac then tell me..

Thanks in advance for any replies.



Well-known member
Founding Member
Apr 4, 2008
Hi Baby B and welcome to the forum.
The problems you describe could well be the depression you say you have as this can do all sorts of funny things to you. It might be worth seeing your GP and asking to be referred to the local mental health services for assessment.
Take care


Well-known member
Jul 15, 2009
Hi and :welcome: to the forum. You are certainly not being a whingy hypochondriac, it sounds like you're having a hard time and I would agree that it might help to print out your post & take it to the doc. I'm not so sure about rushing into asking for a referral to MH services (sorry KP1), I personally find it better to have my GP deal with things, but if he suggests it, then that might be best for you.

I've experienced quite a bit of what you are saying myself and I'm sure lots of people on here have too, so don't worry about what you tell us, we're very friendly and can understand because we've been there.

Let us know how you get on.


Here is the advice that comes to mind. Take some time off work and let yourself relax, and set aside what you are going to do each day on the time off. So that you maintain some sort of structure. Maybe take up some meditation and yoga. Do something active. I recommend it. I find it helps with my racing thoughts these days when I run. I don't even run all that far but just enough to get the endorphins flowing through the body. They make you feel good. While you are implementing these new things try hooking yourself up with a psychiatrist through your GP man. Those are some things I came up with real quick. Read positive material, listen to some good tunes, try to keep your mind occupied. watch a lot of comedy. try to chill with people that encourage you and will listen to what you have going on here. You are not being a hypochondriac man. You are just sharing your concerns about yourself dude. And we are all on this forum to either get help and give help so explain away because I like reading about other peoples problems and helping out. It really is my pleasure. Hope this helps.
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