advice please

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billym4467

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so after going to the doctors about 2 weeks agao and my medication being lowered, things have been ok. even had some bad news from a family member and am now waiting to find out how bad it is. i havent been down much at all and some motivation was coming back.

anyway yesterday after going to CBT we discussed the fantersys i have, the subject has arrision before, but not details have ever been said. she thinks that it seems to be something important and missing from my life. and also it seemed as though i needed to tell someone about it. i didnt but near the end of the session she offered if i wanted to write it down if i counldnt say it, that she would read it and that may make taking about it easy.

when i got home i did write it down, and since yesterday ive contemplated how or if i would give it to her. today ive been very anxsuse and quite down also panicky, 1st time in a bit, i wounder how much this letter is the cause. and what do you do about it. ive struggled to get past things today.

its obvious its a big secret i carry and buy bring the subject up in CBT a couple of time that i may want to tell someone and confess so to speak. but if its effecting me this way already is it a good idea. advice please
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Hi Billym
Could you talk about it here?
This is a safe environment, here to listen if you want to talk
Hugs
Fox
 
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billym4467

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yes i though about it as its probably like talking to a stranger. and i have read posts of others that i come out about the fantasys. though i find it hard to take about. its not that bad and i now many others share similar thoughts. but i still find it hard to admit to. ive been looking at other forums and also looking for professionals who could maybe help me deal and get some experience, but there doesnt seem many in the area.
 
Foxjo

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Looking at other forum posts is good as it makes you realise you are not alone. Negative and intrusive thoughts are really disturbing and really common.
 
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billym4467

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my thoughts arnt disturbing ive just never acted on them. i do know many men have them, but as the cbt lady said keeping thous thoughts to yourself for 30 years plus is no good. some times just saying them out load can help.
 
letmein

letmein

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my thoughts arnt disturbing ive just never acted on them. i do know many men have them, but as the cbt lady said keeping thous thoughts to yourself for 30 years plus is no good. some times just saying them out load can help.
hey Billy I'm not sure how far down the road I can go, I have talked about some stuff but a lot is too much to go there..... ten years seeing a shrink I'm still hiding.

one thing I do know is that thoughts don't make you someone or something. you are not your thougts.
 
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billym4467

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yes i total agree your thoughts dont make you, but when they have been there so long they must be part of you. do you keep them bottled up for ever, or do you deal with them and if possible find some way to act on them.
 
letmein

letmein

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or do you deal with them and if possible find some way to act on them.
its a bit of both here, if I acted on them I would go to prison for a long time. I have to fight them away, live with them, try and understand them, why me ? why am i this person?
 
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billym4467

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i'm sorry to here you have that battle, i'm a bit more lucky i suppose as mine ant that bad and quite common i think. but i do understand the why me questions as i ask myself that everyday. why cant i just be a normal happy person.
 
letmein

letmein

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well if you feel like you wnat to explore this mate, I'm happy to talk.

as much or as little as you wnat to explore. I have a lot of violent thoughts, that can last for hours/days...... I won't go into detail as this could be upsetting.
 
letmein

letmein

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Negative and intrusive thoughts are really disturbing and really common.

shrink I'm seeing thinks its normal for me to want to beat and kill people. thinks its just as you say "thoughts" mind are much worse when my mood is low or I feel used, abused and upset.... also winter is worse for me.... I have had them on and off, mostly on now since I was a mid teen. nasty things, one step up, two back.
 
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billym4467

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yes i get worse at winter. my cbt also thinks because my meds are starting to work bits of me thats been a sleep for a while due to depression are waking up and flooding to the surface. they have always been there but when depressed sex isnt important.
 
letmein

letmein

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I expressed some of my thoughts to a woman I'd chatted with recently, and she has gone off me big style, now I know we have to be careful what is said as it can trigger people but these are the things I need to express and if you can't talk on mental health sites then were can you speak?

i like to say mine are thoughts and not fantasies... I always assume a fantasy to be sexual and as most of my hardcore thoughts arn't sexual or aimed at women per say they will for me remain as thoughts, just easier for me to name them as such.
 
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billym4467

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yes i think your right, mine are strong fantasies and always sexual. and i do agree you have to be carfull what you say as people can quickly change there view of you.
 
letmein

letmein

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yes i think your right, mine are strong fantasies and always sexual. and i do agree you have to be carfull what you say as people can quickly change there view of you.
but we have to be able to express these thoughts somewhere, I'm not saying here in an open forum is the right place. But people need to feel safe with the knowing we will not be judged on them. I know much easier said than none.

I try not to explore my thoughts too much, especially online as I know I could find people who would exploit this, I have been exploited several times in the past.

also Big Brother and all that dosn't help my paranoia.

I'd try not to worry to much Billy I'm sure your thoughts fit into other peoples normal. what ever the fuck normal is.
 
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