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Advice please???

M

meeko

New member
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
3
this post probably isn't going to make much sense because i'm rubbish at expressing my feelings, but anyway. i feel like i'm completely stuck in a rut and i can't get out of it. i (think) i have anxiety, i haven't been diagnosed with it but i'm anxious all the time and i find it hard going to lessons in college because i start to panic once i'm in class. i also over think everything. even saying on here 'i have anxiety' is making me really confused because i feel like i don't know what is anxiety and what is not, i get really worked up about things like this.
i've been seeing a counselor at my college however in my last session she told me, in a nice way, that i didn't seem to be getting anywhere and that there'd be no point me coming back the next week. i felt kind of relieved at that because the sessions did make me nervous but at the same time really upset because i felt like i was finally moving towards something. she said to me 'you seem to want to get better but you're just not ready to attempt it yet' and i think that's basically my problem
i've been feeling depressed for almost a year now i'd say but i never seem to be able to get the courage to actually attempt to solve my problems (hence why i said i feel like i'm stuck in a rut). i just feel really numb all the time, i do constantly think about suicide but the thought of it only brings a feeling of relief for a split second and then it's gone and i'm back to feeling numb. i don't self harm, it doesn't make me feel better in any way because i still feel nothing. i feel like i'm pushing all of my friends away because if they ever see me upset i automatically switch to my emotionless face (i've found it hard expressing my emotions since i was young) and i block them out if they ask if i'm okay. i do want to talk about my problems with my friends, i just feel incapable of doing it because i constantly feel like i'm attention seeking if i do. my ex boyfriend called me self-obsessed because i'm 'stuck in my own depressed world' and whilst originally i'd never seen myself as self obsessed (i care a lot about other people), the more i think about it the more i worry that i am, and the more i worry that i am the more i think i'm being self obsessed by just worrying about it so much in the first place. sorry if that doesn't make sense
i don't really know what i want to gain by posting on this forum. i guess i'd just like to hear peoples views and maybe some advice on how to get out of this rut if anyone has any
thanks in advance
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi Meeko,

I can't stop now but just wanted to say hello and welcome. I'm sure others will be along with some good advice soon.
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Nov 1, 2014
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here
Hey meeko, really like the name.
I can relate strongly to a couple of things that you have mentioned.
Just wanted to say hi and welcome to the forum. :)
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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You sound like you need some focus. Have you any goals? What do you want to do with your life?
 
Parissa

Parissa

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Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
234
Location
Bedford
:hug1:

It's not as simple as not being ready to change. Your counsellor is wrong there. It's not knowing how. Feeling lost. You seem lost. Confusing emotions.

If you are having suicidal thoughts I think the counsellor should keep seeing you.

Have you told your GP?

Love Parissa
 
M

meeko

New member
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
3
to maybe.shes.a.wildflower

I don't know what I want to do with my life. i'm in my second year at college but i've decided against going to university because I still have no idea of what I would study or anything... (also the idea of university scares me a bit).
I guess one of my main goals at the moment is to make good friends and have some good experiences whilst i'm still young.. a lot of people I know have just wasted their teenage years studying for exams and I don't want that to be my main memory
 
M

meeko

New member
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
3
to Parissa

I do feel very confused. I don't know if I am suicidal though that's the things, the thought of suicide pops into my head every few days at least but whereas it gives me a sense of relief I don't think I'm actually considering doing it, I don't think i could actually go through with it.
And no, I'd be worried my GP would tell my parents
 
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