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Advice please!!’

B

Bluebubble

New member
Joined
May 7, 2018
Messages
1
My husbands depressed, angry and violent!
I want to divorce him. But, his heads not in a great place atm. His made some really terriable choices that has made me realise I need to get out the marriage! Things have been messy since he assulted me and I found out he attempted to have an affair. He does not want to seperate. We bring the worst out of each other. He told me he is questioning weather life is worth living. My reaction wasn’t great. Once I processed what he said I wanted to speak to him but it was too late he lost intrest. He disappeared yesterday and I panicked thinking he was ending his life. It made me realise that I need to help him and get my act together.
Yesterday I tried to evaluate the situation. He was still angry! So I decided to leave the house and stay at a friends. And I’m glad I did because he lost it! I told him we need a safe space before we speak or address anything.

Everything is overwhelming me I keep getting faint and dizzy spells.

All we do is argue! I’m not good for him at all! I am worried about him. I just feel like I can’t just divorce him now. I don’t know what to do! Or how to handle it. I’ve never been great with dealing with his depression. He thinks I’ve never done enough, although I think I have. I feel like he wants me to “fix it” but I can’t! I Feel like I’m going to explode. I just don’t know what to do!

Any advice would be great?
Am I making the right decision by suggesting space?
I feel like I have to tread around egg shells now, as everything I say or do sets him off?
I really don’t want to be with him no more, but feel like I have a sense of responsibility.
I don’t want to “sweep what his done under the carpet”! Everything needs to be addressed. We never deal with our problems we just try and forget them.

Any advice would be great. I don’t want him no harm.

Hope you guys are doing well.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya and :welcome: to the forum. I think once a man has hit a woman there is no going back - but that is just me. He has to take responsiblity for his own behaviour and taking it out on you is NOT acceptable. I think you were right to stay with friends and him saying he will commit suicide is manipulation. I know you don't want this but he needs to address his thinking not you. You don't want to become a battered woman who eventually feels a loss of self hood.

There are some sources on the internet. If you are sure you want to stay with him then I suggest Relate - which is British based organisation which deals with relationship problems of all types. They can advise you and offer counselling. Relate | The relationship people
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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Please divorce him. You don't deserve to be abused. :hug:
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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I think you are doing the right thing staying with your friend. Your number 1 priority has to be your safety. Your husband's behaviour is not acceptable and mental health problems are not an excuse for abusive behaviour. You are not responsible for his actions.

I would advise you to speak to woman's aid for advice. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/&ved=2ahUKEwj32veq1vXaAhXHAsAKHUqxByQQFjAAegQICRAB&usg=AOvVaw3EcMrAK5O2pK93mbggvNDD

If you are concerned about your husband's state of mind speak to his GP and hand responsibility to them. If you feel it is more urgent call 999. The police can check on his welfare and get him psychiatric help if necessary. Do not put yourself back in danger.
 
Lucky Tia

Lucky Tia

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Jun 23, 2017
Messages
151
Location
Moon
If one day he hits someone then who knows what he might do next? It's better to stop this whole thing before it gets worse by staying away from him.
The thing is that I know some women who wish to divorce, but because they're supported financially by their husband and rely solely on him they're afraid to do so. Thus, they end up bearing the terrible treatment for years only to realize at the end that it was totally not worth it and they get a divorce sooner or later. That's how it ends.
So one of the biggest mistakes a girl can ever do is when she can only rely on her husband for income and can't survive on her own, thinking that everything is gonna stay the way it is now forever. The same goes with girls who only rely on her parents. Thinking that she's making the right decision by staying with her husband just cuz she thinks she doesn't have financial support.
As long as you're not in that category where you can't support yourself at all then there's no reason to think about staying with him if he intends to keep that behaviour.

It's better to look at the full picture at the end, try to picture yourself with him in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years and so on and see if it's worth staying? I don't think so. You shouldn't be responsible for his actions, he's an adult and can make his own decisions without harming the ones around him including you. As long as his problems can't seem to be fixed right away, so if you're unsure u might wait some time while staying away from him and call for help if needed.

If you notice that something is wrong and he doesn't listen nor treats you right no matter how you try then it's time to file a divorce. When taken to court they're going to evaluate it and try solutions first and it takes some time as they hear both parties, if things won't work out even after that then for sure it's better to start a new beginning without it escalating into something bigger. So even if you're still unsure and he doesn't want to, be brave and don't worry of filing a divorce.

Remember that sometimes divorce is better than staying in a bad marriage.

You deserve better and I wish you all the best. ^^
At the end of the day you know better and the choice is yours to make.
 
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