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advice on how to help my hubby to not feel rejected if I can't spend time with him ?

W

_winter_

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2018
Messages
6
Hi everyone, I don't think this is strictly a BPD issue, but I'm sure his anxiety/paranoia/etc are adding fuel to the fire. Whenever my hubby is home I can't really do anything without him, for more than a short period of time, or he gets offended (& offended can quickly go from being a little hurt to full blown angry) If I'm cleaning the house after 15-20 I hear "pay attention to me!" Which I would think is cute if I could at some point go back 2 cleaning, but he gets upset if I try, like im cleaning so I can ignore him. I'm trying to find a job, something he's frequently upset that I don't have. If I'm going to fill out applications i'll warn him:"hey I'm going to do some job hunting, so I won't be able to hang out for a bit, & will want to put somthing on hulu that we've already watched so I'm not distracted". He'll acknowledge what I've said & then will eigther spend the entire time trying to show me funny meme's & interesting articles on his phone every few minutes (the only place for our computer is in the living room where he's going to be sitting), or he'll ask if I want to watch : list of movies & TV shows we haven't seen b4, but want to. I'll repeatedly remind him of what i'm doing, sometimes he'll catch himself mid-meme, but it won't stop him from showing me more a few minutes later. If I'm then stern, or upset with him he seems to feel rejected. When i was trying to take online classes last year, I had to just let him feel rejected, which turned into him yelling at me about "me ignoring him" while I was in the middle of classwork. We're both very affectionate people, if i'm not busy i'm always happy to pay attention to him; but this has gotten out of control. If he's home I basically can't get anything done (After 10 min of typing this post I hear "pay attention to me!" & spend 20 min snuggling with him, & I'd spent the hour b4 this snuggling with him. I love him, it's never a chore to snuggle, or spend time with him, but I need to be able to get things done.) i've tried to talk to him about it when he's in a good mood. He see's where it's a problem but has no idea what to do about it. Any thoughts? Sorry this got so long.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,288
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
He does sound very needy, is moving the computer to a quiet place in the house a option? If you're trying to get a job, that should take priority over him showing you something on his phone, the thing on the phone can wait but the job applications need doing as soon as you see them :hug:
 
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