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Advice on how to handle my relationship

Delilah67

Delilah67

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
110
Location
Herefordshire
My fiancé and I are definitely trying again, he’s still staying at his parents but he’s taken me out for meals/ drinks ... took my children and I for lunch yesterday and booked us 5 nights away next weekend.
however, I’m paralysed by him not being here and staying at his parents rather than being here. I feel so rejected ( he seems to think it’s better for us ) but I just want him here, I’m listless and obsessed .
The rational side tells me to let him be, respect his need for space and that he is trying his best (considering he ended it a week ago prior to my diagnosis)
Last night I couldn’t get onto our Netflix account and he’d changed the password ( which he told me) but I immediately saw it as a sign that we’re not meant to be together. I couldn’t get the new password to work and got into a right state. He then turned up here and sorted it quickly and stayed the night . Immediate relief.
This morning he got up and left at 8.30 with no breakfast, and I feel absolutely crap and abandonment.
His messaged he loves me but I hate he prefers his parents company to me ... and how long will this last?
I wish I could just do something constructive but I’m sat here on my bed feeling crap
 
L

Lavendergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
161
Location
London
Hi okay do something constructive that's a really good idea
Only needs to be a small thing
Cleaning out a cupboard you have been putting of
Or starting to read that book you have never got round to
In the moment while you thinking which task to do you are taking away those negative thoughts
They will return but again allow that then breathe and let them go
It sounds like your fiancee wants to take things slowly
It's like going back to the beginning of something and doing it properly and lovingly this time
He will be just as scared as you are
He doesn't want every thing to go back to how it was too quickly
You both need time to repair
I know it's hard but by not putting any pressure on him he will see changes in you and that will eventually bring him closer
Also when you start your therapy you will learn techniques to cope with situations like this
Your doing great baby steps x
 
L

Lavendergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
161
Location
London
Oh yes I meant to say going away is brilliant isn't it
Something to plan for
That was a lovely gesture from him
Go buy something nice for your break 🤗👌
 
Delilah67

Delilah67

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
110
Location
Herefordshire
Oh yes I meant to say going away is brilliant isn't it
Something to plan for
That was a lovely gesture from him
Go buy something nice for your break 🤗👌
[/
Hi okay do something constructive that's a really good idea
Only needs to be a small thing
Cleaning out a cupboard you have been putting of
Or starting to read that book you have never got round to
In the moment while you thinking which task to do you are taking away those negative thoughts
They will return but again allow that then breathe and let them go
It sounds like your fiancee wants to take things slowly
It's like going back to the beginning of something and doing it properly and lovingly this time
He will be just as scared as you are
He doesn't want every thing to go back to how it was too quickly
You both need time to repair
I know it's hard but by not putting any pressure on him he will see changes in you and that will eventually bring him closer
Also when you start your therapy you will learn techniques to cope with situations like this
Your doing great baby steps x
thank you so much and you are absolutely right .

Is it wrong that I feel jealous he prefers their company to mine? I imagine him having a grand old time because I’m not there . I hate these feelings.
Surely if I love him I should be glad he’s happy?

I’m keeping off Facebook as I get stressed seeing him online, I’m going to go for a walk with my friend soon.
I’ve done a lovimeditation via YouTube on letting go...

Thank you for reminding me that he is scared too and taking yet another chance on me. I will try your suggestions.

thank you
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,635
Location
Nashua NH
You are doing the right thing by giving him his space. Let him grow to miss you. Show him that you are capable of standing on your own without him. It will prove that your relationship is strong enough to handle the distance and will be good for you.
 
L

Lavendergirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2020
Messages
161
Location
London
thank you so much and you are absolutely right .

Is it wrong that I feel jealous he prefers their company to mine? I imagine him having a grand old time because I’m not there . I hate these feelings.
Surely if I love him I should be glad he’s happy?

I’m keeping off Facebook as I get stressed seeing him online, I’m going to go for a walk with my friend soon.
I’ve done a lovimeditation via YouTube on letting go...

Thank you for reminding me that he is scared too and taking yet another chance on me. I will try your suggestions.

thank you
You are doing so well
Enjoy your walk
Yes fb a false impression of life 😊👌
 
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