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advice on helpng partner



Well-known member
May 24, 2012
My partner is very unhappy at the moment and is saying she wants to kill herself. She has always been anxious and gets herself worked up with things but usually she'll see things from another perspective and realise that they can be sorted out.

She has been having issues at work with particular staff not paying attention to her concerns and issues with work and staff. All of her problems get belittled and undermined and, as such, do not get dealt with, only swept under the carpet. It is totally wrong and very frustrating because she is extremely talented at her work and her skills are rare. The company would lose a good employee in her if she left. Besides, she is tied to the job with certain things, such as them paying for her study.

These pressures, and the fact that we have just bought a house together, she is working on a masters degree, we have been in along distance relationship (for the most part) and I am just getting to the stage of completing visa applications to move to be with her, have all culminated in this. The visa will be finalised this week and she is visiting me so we can do this, so that is not so much of an issue. She is progressing ok with her degree and has lots of time.

She has many worries about affording things and just the past two days she has been bringing new things into what worries her, things that are well beyond her control within society. Before, I could talk to her and she would think on things, maybe get a bit worked up, but otherwise be ok. Maybe she would consider things a lot more and be open minded. Now, anything I say her reply is just about her killing herself and me not bothering to come to be with her etc. She went off the other night but because I am in a different country I could do nothing but inform her parents, who are at the other end of her country. It was all pretty helpless.

She doesn't think anyone at work will help her with her issues. I agree and disagree as there are always solutions. She blames herself for everything when none of those things are her fault.

I don't know what to do and how to deal with it. I am thinking to contact her parents again and let them know exactly what she is saying and say how serious I think it is. I am sure one of them would go and stay with her for a week or two.

I have her here for a week so we are going to talk. She needs the break and I am hoping it will do her some good and I can make her see sense without work being a thing for a week at least.

She was on medication for a time but did really well coming off it and has been ok. I think she should consider maybe going back on it, even though I am against medication and it completely knocks her out and does not make her deal with things. This behaviour has come on over the last week or so but I know it is serious now. I feel helpless, which is not helped by the fact I am perhaps 4000 miles away.

I have been through similar feelings of wanting to die and some of it over very similar things. I tell her it will be ok and those things will pass, that there are solutions and other options for us to take. That there are many ways she can deal with work things and certain people she needs to go to, but she does not see it. I can understand it but I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how I dealt with it, just that I got past it, got out of it and moved on or looked at the better side of it. Maybe that is the difference. I always had a bit of hope of better things and was never totally despondent, but she seems stubborn and set. Things do get better, that goes for anyone on here no matter what you might think sometimes. I am hoping this week will help, but how do I get through to her? Any tips or advice?

Many thanks for your help and advice in advance.


Well-known member
Oct 30, 2010
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Did the medications help?

Many times I took meds, felt better, put my life together again nicely & concluded that it was in the past or "cured" and would stop my meds.

For me, that was a horrible mistake as I would always relapse and each relapse was worse than the one before. I did it enough times to finally KNOW for sure to stay on them. It helped. It did not cure, I still had hard times but nothing near as bad as when unmedicated.

just my 2 cents