Advice on behalf of child with bipolar mother

S

Sidl02

New member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
4
Location
London
#1
Hello,
I’ve just joined this forum in the hope of receiving some advice if possible.
I recently befriended a young lady who was 18 and is living with her bipolar mother.
She is diagnosed but refuses medication and smokes pot to ‘relieve her symptoms’.
Her daughter is so kind and caring but she is constantly on edge and it seems like the slightest thing can set her mum off to berate her and call her all sorts of horrible insults. I’ve heard it for myself and it’s upsetting.
My friend shows all the typical signs of being brought up in this environment. Anxiety, no self worth, fear of doing the slightest thing wrong, trying to please everyone, self doubt and taking on board the insults regularly thrown at her such as she is worthless. In contrast when her mum is experiencing better days she begs her not to leave her.
My friend is the loveliest and most considerate and empathetic young woman I have ever met but she is so unhappy at home and is in a constant state of anxiety.
I desperately want to help her and build her confidence. I want to make her realise she is so bright and her environment isn’t healthy and there is so much more to life. But she feels guilty at the thought of leaving and her mum, when not in one of her manic episodes, makes her feel it’s impossible to leave.
I just don’t know how best to support her but equally I can’t just watch this amazing young woman being destroyed and made to feel worthless.
If anyone has any advice i would really appreciate it. I adore her and she’s such a lovely person that I just want the best for her. Do you think she would benefit from counselling?
Thank you in advance, Rachel xx
 
S

Sidl02

New member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
4
Location
London
#2
Also, her mother refuses treatment and smokes pot regularly. My friend has tried to speak to her mum but she is in denial and refuses to see that there is a problem and seek medical help. But I can’t continue to watch my lovely and empathetic friend continue to live in this cycle of abuse anymore. She is the loveliest of daughters, a daughter any mother would be so proud of. She’s never in any trouble and she is so kind. But she has no confidence and fails to see just how wonderful she is because she is always told the contrary. She hates living at home but is scared to leave xx
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
1,864
Location
hiding behind the sofa
#3
What a good first post sidl2 :welcome: and welcome. Thank goodness she’s got a good friend in yourself. She will need someone to talk to and encourage this ,even if you think it’s a bit boring. She needs to explain what’s going on in her life. The worst thing she can go is bottle it up and go into herself. Having no self worth can stay with her for life so please praise her and compliment her. Can the pair of you go out on a night to have a break. At your age you should be out enjoying yourself.

Ulimatly it’s down to her mum try and talk her 8nto seeing a GP and go with her . Alternatively if your wanting a professional to speak to phone MIND on 030012333963 and they are open 8-6 . They will give you any advice you need. But if she should become dangerous to herself or others get her in to AE or phone 999.

I understand her wish not to leave but she needs to talk to her mum and explain how that she may if she doesn’t get the help. I’m sure she loves her daughter and is not realising just how upsetting for her this is and hopefully you’ll be at her side to support her.
 
S

Sidl02

New member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
4
Location
London
#4
Hi Daffy,
Thank you so much for replying and your advice. I really do appreciate it.
I’m a lot older than her and have kind of taken her under my wing. She confides in me and trusts me which has taken a lot and I just want to make sure I guide her in the correct way.
I have explained to her that her mum loves her and isnt well which she is aware of. But she lacks confidence and blames herself and feels she needs to be a better person so she won’t be shouted at. It’s quite heartbreaking as she really is the kindest and most empathetic young lady I ever met.
It’s so hard as she has grown up in this environment and therefore knows no different. But to see and hear the way she is treated is very difficult and I just want the best for her and for her to see her own self worth. Does that make sense? She feels guilty about leaving but equally she is desperately unhappy at home and spends most of her time feeling anxious and fearful.
Thanks again for your advice. I think she would benefit from some sort of counselling and i’ll discuss this with her in more depth xx
 
S

Sidl02

New member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
4
Location
London
#5
Are there any counsellors that specialise specifically in dealing with children who have been brought up by bipolar parents? If so could anybody please recommend anyone? Many thanks xx