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Advice needed!

T

TSP

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Nov 22, 2021
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belgium
Hi. I recently started dating a woman (36) with borderline. From what I've picked up, she started self mutilation (it's bad) at the age of 14 and has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals until she was 34. She stopped self-harming and she's doing a lot better, or so she says. We've been on a date some time ago, it went pretty fine, but at the end of the date we got into a "deep" conversation, she clearly stated she wasn't looking for a relationship at this moment, but that could change in a month or so(her head was buzzing from studying IT and taking driving lessons, and she needed time and space for herself at the moment). She told me she'd very much would like to keep me close in her life. (I know, probably a form of manipulation), and with watery eyes, she told me she even has doubts about being an A-sexual and A-romantic person. Before we both went our own way, she presses her body against mine, did it twice actually, and hugged me really tight, after the hug I could see a big smile and twinkeling in her eyes. She told me she likes it when I send her "loving" texts and such, but now she's totally off the grid, she reads the texts but there's no reply. We agreed to go on another date during our former date, but yeah. I have no clue what's happening. she might be doing this constantly to people or it could all be true, and she's just going through a tough time in her head. It's the combination of all the things she said that makes me doubt about waiting for her or cut and run. So yeah, thoughts and advice would be welcome!
 
D

dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,849
she clearly stated she wasn't looking for a relationship at this moment, but that could change in a month or so
well I guess it's down to you to decide whether you are ready to deal with all this uncertainty.

From an outside perspective, someone who doesn't reply to your texts when you've barely started dating, sounds like obvious redflags.

I find her being borderline a bit irrelevant as someone with borderline could want to go into a relationship full-on and not be this uncertain. So it's more to do with her general overall behaviour.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Um...not to be rude or disrespectful, but...I would walk away. Right now. She doesn't know what she wants or who she is. (Hey, neither do I! So no judgment here, but as someone with BPD also who has been sexually / affectionately / emotional teasing, seductive, shy, aloof, moody, clingy and then "out of sight out of mind", it's just a huge emotional strain for you. I'd leave now, early on)

And yeah, if I really want someone, they know it. I REALLY want them. Too much. It's when I don't know or I'm not sure that I act...like the above.
 
T

TSP

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Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
4
Location
belgium
Um...not to be rude or disrespectful, but...I would walk away. Right now. She doesn't know what she wants or who she is. (Hey, neither do I! So no judgment here, but as someone with BPD also who has been sexually / affectionately / emotional teasing, seductive, shy, aloof, moody, clingy and then "out of sight out of mind", it's just a huge emotional strain for you. I'd leave now, early on)

And yeah, if I really want someone, they know it. I REALLY want them. Too much. It's when I don't know or I'm not sure that I act...like the above.
Yes well... It's a thin line between crazy and genius and, sadly, I lean towards crazy. Fuck me. Ah well. I appreciate your reply, I really do! When I think about "normal" women, I'm like, I'm not doing that, are you crazy? Lol. Just wanted to see what people with BPD thought about the situation. You we're no help at all! (my way of saying thank you)
 
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