Advice Needed

[Lifemage]

Ummm, think I'll start with a 'Hello' to everyone. I just registered because I did a search on google for 'hearing voices' and started reading in the forum and seen many familiar things. I just need advice on whether or not I need a doctor of sorts, or if there might be another explanation because at times I feel like I'm starting to go mad. You can't hear my tone of voice or see what I'm going through, but perhaps somebody can help me here.

A few months ago, I kept hearing somebody whistling, not all the time, just some times. It would happen at all different hours, even waking me from a sleep (I don't sleep too soundly so the old expression of 'out of a sound sleep' just doesn't apply), but it happened nearly every day. I might add there was no way it was coming from anybody or anywhere else. It wasn't really disturbing, but it was more a curious thing. I always heard of people hearing voices and thought to myself, this isn't a voice so there's no worries. After a while, it stopped anyway, much to my relief.

In the past couple of days, I've been hearing voices. I don't understand a word that's being said. First it sounded like someone was talking to me, but couldn't make out what was being said and couldn't find anyone here with me. It happened in silence and when I've been watching the TV or listening to music. I checked for other people, even checked to make sure I wasn't getting someone through a phone, CB radio, or through the hifi. After having ruled out all obvious reasons to hear a voice come to me out of thin air, I started feeling like maybe I am going nuts. Today was the clencher when I heard many different voices and it seemed they were all in conversations. I still can't understand what's being said, but my main concern is you see on TV or hear on the radion about people who harm others or themselves because of these voices and I don't want to go down that road. I may seem cool and calm in here, but in all honesty, it's really disturbing me because I think I'm going crazy. I don't harm myself (other than smoking .. I know I know it's bad for me) and I don't harm others, EVER. Even defending myself is very difficult because I can't stand to hurt anyone. I have a basic fundamental aspect to my nature that won't allow me to even think ill of someone, despite what they do. I always feel there's a reason why they do the things they do and try to rationalise their behaviour. This may sound trivial or silly, but I think about these voices and it's scaring me, terrifying me. I just don't know what to make of these voices, but I also don't want to go to a Psychiatrist.

Final question .... is this something I do need to seek professional help with, or is this something that might possibly pass? Thank you for all your help in advance.

 

[imported_softwhisper]

Hello Lifemage...
Im...new...to this forum...too...
I was passing by...
and...stumbled...on...your plight...with the 'voice' to you...
I also...hear 'voice'...
my journey...with 'voice'...has...been a sole...pathway...
however...
many years down...the track...
have...found...
peace...
to what...
could...have been...a very precarious...life style to...my first encounter...
Medical help...is not to be shunned...
but...
soul recognition...for...my mind...won...
it is not to say...that sometimes...
stress...with 'voice'...needs some sort...of medication...
i find...
however...
to dull...'voice'...only makes...my situation...worse...
to...my...now...mind...
I...try...to go ...with the flow...of it...
I ask...questions...
I take the positivity...
and...
disregard...
that...
what is negative...
we...are...a purpose...i feel...
our...own intuition...
in regards...to a better quality...to 'voice'...
is...to ...ride ...the storm...
there...usually comes...an.answer...
of the cause...
sometimes...
depending...on life style...
in meaning...our environment...
depends on the quality...of time we can muster to it...
I have been hearing 'voice'...for just...over 8 years now...
but...
as...i describe...a silent ear...
some say...normailties...
i have actually been hearing all of my life...awareness...is another word...to describe...this...
try...not...to stress...
as...stress...
is...negative...
I laugh...here...
as...I'm the biggest...stress monger...
so you can imagine...
'voice' to me...in the early days...had...a field day...
to try...to see...the beauty...of life's...givings...
now...i also...know...that can ... be very hard...for ...some...
you see...
treating...'voice'...with a positive approach...
is for me...a better...dealing...
but...
when...
the oooofy word...is used...or others...
then it is hard to say...to'voice'...have a nice day...
for me...
i ride...the storm...
and...
say...to higher accordance...please assist me...
this is your choosing...of whatever...name calling...
to me'voice'...is...spirit...energy...fields...of...past descendants...
but...
there again...
not
all have this belief...
you will come to terms with it...cherish...
if...you try to be...calm...
and...
simply say...
who are you...
if....
disrespectful...
then disregard...
try...to occupy....your spare time...
with some sort of entertainment...that keeps...
your stress...levels down...
i do art...
and...
write...
you will...be all right...sweet one...
know...there are...lots here to support...
please...feel...you can talk...at any time...
talking...about...it...
works...
loves to you....
softwhisper(xxxhugsxxx)

 

[parker]

In the past couple of days, I've been hearing voices. I don't understand a word that's being said. First it sounded like someone was talking to me, but couldn't make out what was being said and couldn't find anyone here with me. It happened in silence and when I've been watching the TV or listening to music. I checked for other people, even checked to make sure I wasn't getting someone through a phone, CB radio, or through the hifi.

Something like this happened similar to me. But i listened harder & harder, then one night the voices were clear as day (i geuss i sorta tuned myself into them) I haven't gone the psychiatrist route but i also have a very supportive wife that is always there for me.

I think one of the important rules to go by is are you any harm to yourself? are you anyharm to anyone else? Keep those in check and you should be fine

Sleep is your friend, do what it takes to get it. ( take a little bit of benedril or over the counter sleep aid) With enough sleep you can fight anything

 

[rabina]

Hi Lifemage,

You're not going crazy first of all.
What you're experiencing would be frightening to anyone.
I would suggest you talk to a close friend or relative first and tell them you need their utmost support in what you're about to tell them.
I am not an expert by any means, but I do believe you should see your medical doctor as to rule out any physical cause. He/she may send you to a neurologist or psychiatrist also.
Remember to have this close friend with you for support; it really does help relieve your anxiety.
Depending on what the doctors find or not find, medication might be prescribed.
Ask as many questions as you can about your situation; I suggest you write them down so you won't forget. You may not get the answers you want or they might not give you a reasonable explanation for the voices you're hearing.
DON'T WORRY THOUGH; THIS SEEMS TO BE THE CASE FREQUENTLY.
You have to start somewhere though as you did by coming here and that's a good thing.
There are so many reasons as to why you could be hearing voices and aslo so many different treatments and other ways of dealing with them.
Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in what you're experiencing and that you're not going crazy.
If you have a place to go where you don't hear the voices, I suggest you go there for much needed relief or go out and you may be surprised to find you won't hear them outdoors or when you're with other people.
Getting out of your environment can be very helpful as well as keeping busy with things you enjoy or are interested in.
Calm yourself down; these voices won't do you any physical harm.
They are causing enormous anxiety within you because you don't know the source of the voices, but whatever the source may be, there will be relief for you ahead.
Talk to that friend and make an appt. with a doctor.
One fear of all voice hearers is that others will label them as crazy, but that's not the case at all and don't think this.
You can try simple things like ear plugs, turning off all but one sound system and keeping it low, listening to an mp3 player or ipod, listening to a talk show instead of music, going out for a walk or drive, going into different parts of your home to see if you hear the voices in every room or are they only in certain rooms and places.
If you're alone, you may want to be with others until you get some answers/relief.
Get sleep, eat, excersie and continue to do what you usually do.
I suggest not talking back to the voices although you probably will want to since they're so disturbing; just make it short and sweet though.
Take good care of yourself and I wish you much luck.
rabina

 

[Lifemage]

I want to thank you Softwhisper, Parker, and Rabina. Your words sound encouraging. Even though I read some of the things in the forum before I posted, you still get a feeling that condemnation is going to reign from all corners of the forum universe. I just thank all of you for not making this unpleasant.

There's a couple of things I didn't mention in the first post, but I'm not sure if it makes any difference. I do have a partner and he's the opposite of supportive. See, I mentioned the whistling and he went nuts. He tried to rationalize what had happened, (As if I hadn't already been there, done that). I think, he thinks, I was just joking around. So, after a response like that, I definately didn't want to tell him what was going on now. See, when things are happening around me, I have to cover everything up or he gets angry. Everything has been going wrong around me lately and he blames me.


Every eletronical appliance in this flat has been srewing up, or things have been falling. Some of this he's seen and other things he wasn't here for. He was here for papers and books falling off a book shelf and knocking off his mothers cups that he kept from when she passed away last June. They shattered. He said it was my fault and barred me from going near those cups (even though I was sitting on the other side of the room, nowhere near them. It was only two that broke (I shouldn't say ONLY two, as each one is precious, but I meant there were others.

He's been here when other things just seem to fly off the shelf, usually papers and pictures (all of his mother). Now, to me this isn't a bad thing per se because I felt maybe she was there and was trying to tell him to help him, but he only shouts at me. He believes in all that for other people, just not for himself.

All our electrics, even our car, have been having problems. The colour went out in our TV, the digi box says we're getting a full signal, yet everything gets distorted, our DVD player refuses to play certain DVD's (not all), the playstation keeps freezing up on us, the slow cooker we JUST bought blew all our ciruits and had to get an electrician out and take the slow cooker back, light bulbs keep blowing, the top on our electric cooker (flat ceramic top) shattered, the TV (different make and model from the one in the living room) has the same problem as the TV in the living room (both TV's under a year old), the bulb in our fridge won't work, switches at the wall sockets keep getting turned off while things are on (which is impossible as anyone in the UK would know unless someone physically turns them off). Just in case someone thinks there's something wrong with the wiring in the flat, we've had a total of four electricians in here and they can find absolutely nothing wrong. Besides, it isn't limited just to the flat, it is also our car. We just got it a year and 4 months ago. Since we've had it, the starter, the alternator, the battery and the leads have all had to be changed and no radio will work right in that car. It has been checked over for a short or fault in the wiring by three different mechanics and no problems could be found.

This may all seem like 'just bad luck', but it feels like a lot more. The problem is the whistling started about the same time all these problems were going on and all of it has continued and escalted since. My partner blames me saying that he's never had any kind of problems like this until I got in to his life. He says that it's one thing after another. In a joking (yet not so joking way) he said I must be cursed. So, when the voices started a couple of days ago, I definately didn't want him to know.

I hear a voice and my head flings around to where I hear them coming from and it seems as if it isn't coming from a certain place. Like right at this moment, it makes me want to cry and burry my head in the sand. As I stated in the first post, I don't wish to harm myself, and even more so I don't want to harm others. Around here in this estate, I'm considered the agony aunt. Everyone comes to me for advice, or as some call it 'pearls of wisdom.' I don't think I'm smart, or insightful, or even experienced, but they feel I always have the right answers. My partner said I've gained a sort of reputation amongst the people here and they all love me and respect me. That part feels good, but then I get the feeling that if I'm wrong at some point then that will all end as well. Everything else has been going wrong lol. Honestly, I end up laughing and crying at the same time (which sounds nuts to people but is very much a reality for me).

I don't have all the answers, or I wouldn't be in here asking for some lol I guess even an agony aunt needs some counsel and advice from time to time. But I don't feel I can tell anyone around me what's going on. I've only lived here in this estate for a little less than three years and haven't gotten THAT close to anyone. My family (what little I have left which is just a father and brother and grandparents) are thousands of miles away. Besides, my father and brother basically don't talk to me and would only shun me and walk away from me if I told them what was going on. My grandparents would say it's the Lord talking to me or they might say Satan is attacking me and rebuke him. Either case the family are all on extreme sides of things such as this and none would be a help. As I said earlier, even my partner is without understanding and I don't have any CLOSE friends, only many friendly acquaintances. Anything I do will have to be on my own for now, or perhaps with friendly online help. I will set up a time to go to see my GP and go from there.

And to you, Parker, sleep is a dream lol. Since I was a young lady (about 18 or 19) I suddenly couldn't sleep. Doctors have given me many different kinds of sleeping tablets, antidepressants (which they say works as a sleep aid as well) and change of lifestyle and diet over the years to no avail. In the last 18 years I have only slept over 4 hours twice, and both times I was quite ill. What little sleep I do get it interupted frequently. Years ago, I turned to alcohol to get me to sleep and even then I had to drink till I passed out. The worst part about that was, I was awake, completely awake, only 3 hours after. I don't drink anymore, but I don't get sleep either. Doctors of all sorts are useless in getting me to sleep lol. I've been through a dream study where I was hooked up all over my body to read muscle contractions, heart rate, measure oxygen in my blood, brain waves, all kinds of stuff. It took three days of being awake 24/7 because I couldn't fall asleep with everything attached to me lol When I finally fell asleep it was for only two hours and they said I had RLS, sleep apnea, and, evidentally, night terrors (which I guess is supposed to affect more children than adults). I used to remember all my horrible nightmares (because I never had good dreams) but I rarely remember dreams now. After so many tablets and other things, years of battling it, I decided to give up on trying to get 'a good nights sleep.' If I could get one good nights sleep, this might all stop lol

Thank you again for your time and patience.

Lifemage

 

[imported_softwhisper]

Gosh...lifemage...
such...a woeful...situation...
I'm so sorry...to hear...of your plight...
I do understand...the keeping...mum...on 'voice'...
I do...to many family...members...
With regards to...your things...tumbling...ect...
my wall clock...fell off...last night...hooks...came...right out...
also...
other...things...that move...
energy...is a powerful...commodity...
if...
we give...the power...of...thought...to it...
for...me...
enhances...more...to it...
I simply...said...last...night...
when...the clock...fell off...
'oops...you don't need...to be so ...observant...that...time ticks...on...and...bed...I feel...you feel...is time...'
no 'voice' came...
sorry...i dont...mean...to be ...flippant...
I...have...the deepest...empathy...for you...
Your doctors appointment...may be...a good direction...
to talk...to some one...by physical contact...other...than computer...
I also...feel important...
but...
its...a hard one...
who...to trust...your value...to the situation...
it is real...
and...
needs...to be...treated...as such...
to my mind...
Our family...and...friends...of...sometimes...are...the worst offenders...to us...in 'voice' hearers...
'take a wee pill'...
is their solution...
my objection...
so...unfortunately...mums...the word...for me...
I do have a precious son...and...partner...who...may not understand fully...but...do not...condone...
Please share...lifemage...here...
others...here...may...transpire...their experiencies...and...how...they deal...with them...
anythings worth a shot...
keep your chin up sweety...
for...me...
there is purpose...
and...
somehow...
will be revealed...to you...i feel...
our first thought...is usually...from the higher source to life...
and...
best solution to the problem...
however...
we the 'voice' hearers...can vouch...to grasp..it...
sometimes...is given...in many forms...
'voice'...
but...for me...
to...keep asking...the higher self...or source to life...
time and time again...
the penny clicks eventually...
Peace in the loving grace to it softwhisper(xxxhugsxxx)

 

[rabina]

Hi Lifemage,

Glad to hear you'll be seeing your GP.
I understand about not having anyone to talk to about this and the reactions you think you'll get if you try. That is very unfortunate, but the norm so it seems.
I am lucky to have one, but I almost always deal with this on my own.
You, therefore, have to take matters into your own hands and stand up for yourself no matter what anyone else thinks or says.
You have to make choices that will help in your comfort where you live as I have done.
You'd be surprised at how small changes can help immensely.
You do have to "fight" though and not be afraid of the cowardly unseen voices for that is what they are; cowards who prey upon innocent, good people.
But, don't use too much of your energy in doing this; it will drain you.
That's why I said to keep any replies short and sweet. (not necessarily sweet.)
If you believe in God, turn it over to him as often as possible; he's able to handle it.
All voice hearers are "Warriors" for they're in constant battle with these unseen cowardly sub-beings. They truly are cowardly bastards.
I don't like to even refer to them as beings for they're "lesser than that". They are lesser things with a voice only.
I wish that boyfriend of yours was supportive, but you can always change that part if you want to.
Have faith in yourself and stay well and what works for one may not work for another and vice versa so try until it's right for you.

rabina

 

[parker]

Lose the boyfriend, just imagine how he'll treat ya down the road

The sleep thing you might want to start looking outside the box on this. I'm a big believer in this.

 

[Lifemage]

The thing is Softwhisper, Rabina, and Parker, my partner is one of the most supportive people of everything I chose to do in this life. This is the only thing he isn't supportive of. He truly is a wonderful person with such a good heart, it's just I think this situation is too much for him. When I wrote earlier about losing his mother, that was the worst thing that has ever happened to him in his life and he's lost so very much. One sister shot 8 times and killed, another brother blown into bits, one brother, after all that drank himself into a 40 year old grave, his mother just died of cancer, his best mate just died a couple months ago because he drank himself into an earlier grave (his was more understandable as he accidentally killed his mother, father, and 6 year old neice), but still is a very hard thing for my partner to deal with. Just three weeks ago, he lost his uncle. I know everybody goes through death, but he's seen more than his fair share. I think at the moment, any thought of me having a problem physically, mentally, or emotionally is just too much for him to handle. He is a supportive person, and was supportive about anything before his mummy passed away. He's been so very supportive of my writing, my art, my music, my children, my grandchild coming, how I feel about myself from the inside, what I want to do from day to day. It's only been since these deaths, and three deaths of people close to you all within 8 months is hard on anyone. I have to give him a chance because he is a wonderful person. Doesn't make it any easier at the moment, but in my heart I know he'll change, it will just take time.

As for sleeping. I have went so far outside the box, I had to take a break inside the box lol. I've tried exercise (yoga even), I've tried mediation, reflexology, acupuncture, accupressure, aromatherapy, herbalism (different herbal concoctions), different kinds of music, keeping a regular set time to go to bed and get up every morning despite how I sleep, I've already got a great diet (no meats except fresh fish that's never fried, all fruit and veg are not cooked and potatoes are baked, porridge made only with water in the mornings, handful of walnuts or almonds everyday, and beans some times, no dairy, no pastas, no breads, loads of seeds, and everything I buy is organic). I don't take any kind of caffeine nor any tablets of any kind. I don't take any kind of fizzy drinks, no sugar except at the holidays. I walk all the time (went up the cave hill yesterday). I've even asked my partner to lightly tickle my arms and back till I fell asleep, but that backfired in the sense it feels so good you want to stay awake to enjoy it lol. Shhh, I didn't tell him that lol I've even tried reducing any kind of stimulous and reading books before bed. There is no lights on when I go to bed, nothing to make a sound (although at times I have tried leaving a tv on, a radio on with quiet slow soothing music, even left the tv on a channel that had nothing so all I got was white noise, I've tried nature cd's, I've tried sleeping out in nature, which is the only time I feel good after sleeping, but I can't afford to go camping all the time and it just isn't practical to sleep outside in this estate) I keep everything dull and quiet for up to a couple hours before bed. I've tried using different kinds of washing up liquids thinking maybe alergies are a problem. I bought hypoallergetic everything for the bed. I got only natural bed clothes (cotton) with no dyes. I've tried using things to change the smell of the room and then went the opposite way to make sure nothing was scented in every way. I've tried changing shampoos, conditioners, not b low drying my hair, blow drying my hair, I've tried using different or no deodorants, I've tried everything I could think of, or others could think of. Now I just live my life and forget about trying to sleep and it's actually worked. I think I got so caught up in the 'how to' that I forgot to just relax. I still don't sleep well, and it is hard and mornings I wake up in frustration and tears, but now I'm not as frantic about it and let it roll off my back for the most part. I put myself back in to the box lol

The worst bit is, when I'm feeling best emotionally (no longer suffering major depression) and mentally, that's when I started hearing these voices. Now, yesterday, I only heard them once and that's when there was two people visiting. I don't know ... there doesn't seem to be places in this flat it doesn't happen, has even happened in our car and when we were walking down the estate. But it's only been going on for a couple days anyway, not like I've had to go through this for years. There's no pattern to go by unfortunately. I would pray to God, but, well, I just don't believe ... too difficult to explain that one.

I will be going in to see a doc on 21st. I haven't been to a doc in so long, I'm not even sure who this doc is, but I hope I'll be comfortable with them because I don't find talking (face to face that is) easy. Online is a piece of pi**, but when you're sitting in front of someone, it's very very different. Anyway ... thank you for being supportive and the kind words of encouragement Wish me luck lol

 

[parker]

Wow i feel sorry about questioning that now Looks like you got things covered. I often thought that voices that were not constant would be hard to handle, mine's 24/7 if it's not jabbering it's making some hypnotic sound. Voices that are there all the time you don't have to wonder if / when it's going to start up. You'd think it would get old, but it's just there.

Sorry about saying that about the boyfriend it just looked worse in writing i geuss (that's my excuse anyway)

Good luck with the doc

 

[Lifemage]

No worries Parker. I wasn't offended by what you said and after reading what I wrote, I could perfectly see why you would have said what you said. If I had read what I wrote, then I probably would have thought the same way. I tend to focus on one thing so much that I often 'forget' to mention other things which would shed a light on the subject. My partner has been a good one, just not as much recently. He's just going through so much and I try to be there as much as I can for him so I can get that wee bit of him back that's lost at the moment. All people do things or say things that aren't 'right' to people, but there is always ... ALWAYS a reason for it. I'm not saying that the bad people do is ok, not by any means, but those things are done because of some reason. It helps me look past all peoples faults so I can better help them and be compassionate towards them. Many people who do the worst in life might have been different if there had been somebody there who actually could see past the bad and had a genuine heart that cared about them. It has to be sincerly felt or it doesn't work.

I'm not in any way perfect and done things I shouldn't have done. I've hurt people in my past and wasn't all that nice either. It wasn't till I searched myself for the reasons I did those things that I finally became 'aware' of who I was and why I continue to do things I shouldn't, that I finally was able to change those things about me that I didn't like. I still mess up, but nothing like I did before and I've sort of made it my life's mission to help those that others feel are beyond help. It isn't an easy path and oftentimes is heartwrenching, but so many times the rewards are well worth it.

Lately things have been quiet where others are concerned. Weird things have always happened around me, but I always explained it away with some kind of scientific explanation. These 'voices' I'm hearing is the first thing in my life that I can't explain away. It is only disturbing in the sense I can't control it, don't know what it wants, or they (since I heard what sounded like two people in a conversation) aren't clear. See, when you're told at a young age that it's ok to talk to yourself, but it isn't ok to answer yourself, then you begin to wonder. Is it just me, or does the media also play up the whole 'voices' thing? Since it's happening to me, I think about all the TV shows where they say this psychopath or this serial killer heard voices that told them to do this or that and I have to wonder if that's going to be me. I feel awful at times because I'm sitting with someone and we're in the middle of a conversation and I'll hear a different voice and look quickly to that direction and the conversation stops. A friend of mine, Bernice, asked me what I was looking at (since I appeared to be ignoring her) and I said nothing, I just thought I heard something and then giggled. She smiled and said it was probably just her cats outside. I just agree and ignore the voice and it went away. I can't tell her that it wasn't the cats and that it was a voice (then she'd think me a head case). When I know they're there, at first I'm startled, but then I get quickly sorted and am able to ignore them to a certain extent. I can't completely, but I give them no .... I'm not sure of the word I'm looking for, but it's the same with a bully, if you ignore them, most often they leave you alone. 'Validation.' That was the word I was looking for.

I've not had much experience hearing voices and I refuse to go down a path that leads me to taking psychotropic drugs, or even antidepressants. They made me quite ill when I was suffering from depression. I can't help but wonder if that's all a doctor is going to do is prescribe some kind of drug instead of finding out what the root of this problem is and fix it. I know it might not be 'fixed' but there are ways to cope without medications aren't there? Maybe because it's only just started happening to me, the fear of what happens now is actually worse than the voices coming and going as they do. They aren't hurting me, and they aren't convicing me to hurt others and they certainly aren't convicing me to hurt myself (they're just there and I don't understand them anyway); It isn't constant, like in your case Parker (which I truly feel for you). So the voices in and of themselves aren't scary, it's the fear of what people are going to think, it's the fear that this is a first step to losing sanity, it's the fear of what the doctors are going to say and do to me, it's the fear that I don't have control over this, that it might get worse, that I might start understanding what they're saying, or that eventually it will want me to hurt myself or others. It's the fear of the unknown. I hope this is making sense. If I knew where they were coming from, what they want, what they were saying and that it isn't my mind slipping away like a thief in the night, then I don't honestly think I'd have a problem with hearing voices. If I thought a doctor would say that it was ok, or that friends would accept it and that nobody would walk away from me or think me nuts, if the voices were a help then I think I'd actually keep them or deal with the fact that they're there without fear. The problem is I fear it because I don't know what this is going to bring. Is this the beginning, or just a product of a situation beyond my control at the moment and when things calm down in my life, perhaps they'll just disappear?. So many questions and fear without any answers.

I'm sorry for my rant there, but in a nutshell, that's what I think and how I feel. Thanks for all the help and many ((((((hugs)))))) to the three of you.

PBWY

Lifemage (Heather)

 

[imported_softwhisper]

Hello lifemage...((((Heather))))...how soft...and...beautiful...

Perhaps...
sometimes...
if...
all...questions...we...ask...self...
self... talks...
could...
will...
confuse...
we...then...say...
doubt...
then...
look...to...giving...up...on...
NEVER...
you...are...what...your...name...protrays...Heather...
soft...wisps...of...such...beauty...takes...hold...of...the wind...to others...
your...partner...is...indeed...the lucky one...
and...
feel...sure...is...very aware...of...
that...
factor...
'voice'...scares...those...
that...
perceive...un normal...to it...
sometimes...for ...myself...
to...work...around...it...
i...dont...lie...
but...
simply...
choose...
to...leave...out...
what...
that...
cant...focus...on...at...present...
may...adapt...in...the future...to... them...
it...is...hardly...surprising...your...poor...partner...is...so afraid...
such...turmoil...to... his...poor existence...
to...hold....dearly...your...love...to...each...other...
welcomes...the positivity...it...musters...
perhaps...
wisps...of...your... name...Heather...in... tickling...his...aptitude...to...accept...
needs...a little ''''time''''...
the age...old...thingy...
that...
gives...consequence...to it...
as...
must...be... done... now...
why?...
i... say...now...
not...later...
now...is...pressure...
so...
to... relieve...
this...
take...
the weight...from ...your... beautiful shoulders...
and...
say...
perhaps...tomorrow...
for...me...
tomorrow...
comes...eventually...
time...if...in ...the right...context...
cures...all...
to take...your...poor...partners...
obligation...of...his...will...
to...be...where...he...is...at...this...present...''''time''''...
is...to...cause...injustace...to... will...of...his...accordance...
you...
to...my mind...
must...
take...care...of...your...special... quality...
self...
talks...
wither...we...like it...
or...
not...
to... listen...
is...
the...
key...
to...adhere...
to...
other... selves...
is...
the quality...
of...
confusing...self...
wither...by'voice'...
or...
human...form...
my solution...to...my self...
is...to..step...back...enhance...self...
by...saying...
hey...
what...gives?...
im...so...confused...
then...
self...answers...
again...
i...do... this... three times...
if... coherent... three times...
then...there...the...possibilty...to it...is...solved...
now...
self...
Heather...
you...may...choose...sweetness...
who...
this...
may...be...

your 'voice'...will...open...to...you...your...solution...to it...
to...give...a positive...loving...approach...
for me...
always...works...
now...
that...
was...
8 years...in...the learning...
long...time...in...earth years...
a doctor...may...not...be...needed...
but...
to...have...the option...of...this...support...is...perhaps...a...good...quality...
depending...
on...the doctor...the quality...
but...
you..are astutely ...aware...sunshine...
feel...sure...you...will...know...
what...sits...right...
to heck...with...what...doesnt...


much...loves...to your...quest...Heather...
softwhisper(xxxhugsxxx)

 

[Lifemage]

Thank you ((((((Softwhisper))))))

My mother called me 'Heather' because she loved the plant lol She said it was very strong and sturdy and would grow about anywhere and yet was very feminine and delicate. She thought it was one of the most beautiful shrubs and thought the name would fit me. My auntie thought the name fit me perfectly. When I read what you first wrote, it made me think back to those things said. You don't know the importance of that as I haven't talked about my family, only Joseph's for the most part. You could have gathered I already lost my mother from the earlier post, but I lost much more than my mother and my aunt was amongst them. So, seeing what you said about my name gave me pleasant memories and for that I thank you again xXxOoOxXx

As for taking on the weight of the world, I'm aware that isn't the healthiest course, but if I don't do it, nobody else I know is going to. I have broad shoulders lol I'm also a strong person (very stubborn as well) and I can carry the weight that others can't. When I do see myself struggling, I take myself off camping. This way I am rejuvenated and can go back to carrying the weight that others shed. The beauty that is nature is the only time I find solace and feel I can let it all go. If I have forests, mountains and water (sea or fresh) I'm home. My heart, truthfully, isn't in this world, but while I'm here I can make a difference to others hearts. Sometimes you can help others find their home, bring a little bit of peace in a mad world. That is the reward for carrying their weight for as long as I can. I believe the only ones that can carry the weight are those who were ... ummmm ... 'Built'? for it. I know inside myself we are never given anything that we can't handle, but at times my belief there waivers, such as now with something new added to my life. It just started, and as was said, time heals (if taken in the proper context).

I take care of myself the best way I know how, and it has been a long journey to find those things that bring me peace and comfort. No journey is worth taking if you didn't learn anything from it. Before I got together with my current partner, I spent a few years on my own. I learned quite a bit from that experience. My partner enhances my life, doesn't take it over or control it. I've always found it easier to go through things on my own because I don't think like other people do. When I try to explain my actions and the reasons behind it, others just look at me curiously and then try to give me advice that I know isn't right for me lol. I can do this alone, but as you said, sometimes it is nice to be able to have a flesh and blood person to talk to. The only problem I have is with doctors. I don't try the lot of them lol I've found they rarely know what is needed in order to fix a problem, they just give you tablets to take away the pain, not learn to find the source and deal with it. I battled depression for sooooooo very many years (most of my life in fact), but it has only been the last 9 years that I've found relief and it came from inside me, not from the doctors (who, by the way, actually made things worse). I tried to take my life 5 times in a 7 year span. Obviously, it didn't work. I know my purpose now. I just have to get past new things that enter my life that try to bring in doubt and fear. Truly, fear is the killer. I mean I sit and look at my life and wonder, why do I have fear? Is it the fear of death or acceptability? Do I fear rejection? When you spend so much time helping others with their problems, you tend to fear their rejection. It's odd to say because I've counselled others on their fear of rejection with great success, but when you depend on others acceptance in order to help them, it turns the tables on you. I know I don't fear death, but mostly people only fear the unknown because of their fear of death. Strange lol I fear because I won't be able to help others if I'm not able to help myself and I've always been able to and fear I won't if the voices are a sign of something not so great to come.

Say you have a car and that's pertinent to your life's work. If you work as say a taxi driver, you need your car to be in good shape. Now, just suppose your car was making funny noises. You have to either fix it yourself (if you know how) or take it to a mechanic. Now, what happens if the mechanic doesn't know what's wrong and keeps trying different things to fix it, but still isn't quite sure what is wrong. There is a fear there that the car is going to break down and you will lose your livelihood. This feels kind of the same. I don't actually know if I'm going to break down, it's just the fear there's something wrong and then I might lose the ability to help others which I feel I need to do. I have a purpose, I know what I need to do, but if this body isn't quite right, it only puts in doubt and fear. I'm trying to find a way not to fear this new aspect to my character. I probably just sound corny lol but this is me.

Heather

 

[happiness12]

hi i was wondering i am sort of newish to the forumn though i have posted on here. i was wondering if you could give me some advice when my voices are loud and angry and im paraniod i want to give up everthing my voices very negative put downs everything i do in my life my family husband and children every desion you make with evil hated voices telling you your an evil person i can't have a good because there voices our drowning out everthiing that is positive, anger just makes it worse then my behaviour becomes out of control and i emotionally hurt people with horrible text and phones calls or really hurt my family i feel people dont want to help me because of my agression and my behaviour i sometimes want everthing to be normal most of my life is living like a nobody and this reforces it all the time people are scared of behaviour because i haven't behaved nice to them but thats part of me not all of me i know what pain is emotional when the hurts is so deep i can't breathe and face it because i just want to give up and die. but then i think of my lovely husband and my beautiful kids and i know i have to carry on being alone and just knowing people dont want to help because of my behavior or they don't really care.how can i change and move forward when nobody wants to help or they are frightened of me so please any advice you could give me thanks
take care happiness12

 

[rabina]

hi i was wondering i am sort of newish to the forumn though i have posted on here. i was wondering if you could give me some advice when my voices are loud and angry and im paraniod i want to give up everthing my voices very negative put downs everything i do in my life my family husband and children every desion you make with evil hated voices telling you your an evil person i can't have a good because there voices our drowning out everthiing that is positive, anger just makes it worse then my behaviour becomes out of control and i emotionally hurt people with horrible text and phones calls or really hurt my family i feel people dont want to help me because of my agression and my behaviour i sometimes want everthing to be normal most of my life is living like a nobody and this reforces it all the time people are scared of behaviour because i haven't behaved nice to them but thats part of me not all of me i know what pain is emotional when the hurts is so deep i can't breathe and face it because i just want to give up and die. but then i think of my lovely husband and my beautiful kids and i know i have to carry on being alone and just knowing people dont want to help because of my behavior or they don't really care.how can i change and move forward when nobody wants to help or they are frightened of me so please any advice you could give me thanks
take care happiness12

Hi happiness,

You won't give up and people do care.
I do care, but at this moment I'm not quite sure what to say so perhaps some with more experience will give you some advice.

Focus on all the positive things you can.
Get out of your environment.
Do something nice for yourself or others.

Sleep until someone else comes along.

Never give up on yourself,
rabina