• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Advice needed. Scared for friend's prognosis.

J

Jin's girl

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2015
Messages
2
Please help!
I have been seeing the same man on and off for 10 years. I always knew there was something 'different' about him but saw his differences more as autism spectrum issues. He is wickedly smart and typically very caring. Definitely worth the eccentricities! We had now been together exclusively and steadily for 3 years.
But over the last 2 years, I began to suspect something more serious was going on. He started to talk about being followed, monitored by the government, sought by religious groups...He felt sure his computer was being monitered by others and people were reading all of his texts and emails and listening in on his phone calls.
LSS, he got progressively worse until his family forced him to treatment. He is currently doing the first 72 hour observation. I am suspecting a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia, or something similar.
How do I help him? What is the correct response from me when he shares his experiences with me. (so far I would always respond that I believed that HE believed this was happening but that I thought it was a perception or interpretation mistake. I did not see what he saw. It seemed to upset him if he thought I thought he were lying. I did try several times to discuss the possibility of an illness causing his experiences... and he would say, YES, THOSE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY! WHY ARE THEY FOLLOWING ME?)
We live in different cities 4 hours apart and only see each other every other weekend.
Will the hospital ever allow visitation? What are the chances he will be released after the 72 hours? Can he be forced to be committed. (obviously, he thinks he is just fine) I fear I may never see him again! He was taken in yesterday so this is all fresh on my mind so I am sorry if I am rambling.

I love him and want to do what is best for him and his recovery. ANY advice will be carefully considered. (Just as a side note, his parents connect the onset of his illness with his meeting me and are NOT wanting to include me in his recovery. I am getting information from his sister. :panic:) ~Thanks
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi Jin's Girl, welcome to the forum.

I would really like to answer your questions, but it is quite hard, because I don't know all that is / has been happening, and there are a lot of assumptions, but I will have a go.

But firstly, you say you have noticed his symptoms over the last two years, and have known him for ten years, yet his family seem to be thinking it started when he met you. Do they think he has had these experiences over a longer period? Why would they blame you?

His delusions. I have delusions and can tell you that they feel totally real, so that it is impossible not to believe them, even if they are ridiculous. I have people in my life who tell me they are not real and so I don't act,on the delusions (much!) and I can even see they can be ridiculous. He can learn to deal with them, once he can accept that he does suffer from delusions. I think you are right to say what you do to him, he isn't lying, that is what he really thinks is happening.

In hospital he can be committed, and can be made to take medication. Usually these days people are not in hospital for very long, maybe a few weeks at the most. You can check with the hospital about their visiting rules. Presumably he can tell them he wants you to visit, even if his parents object.

I hope things work our well for you both. Please ask more questions if you like.

Sarah
 
F

FAWM34

Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2014
Messages
5
Hi Jin's girl, I feel you are a good and caring person. I have had experienced and went through all what you have mentioned about your friend is going through. However in my case after 72hrs I was detained under mental health act 1983 for three months. So it is likely your friend if two doctors agreed that he is unwell or a danger to himself or society then he might be detained for a couple of months in order to get treatment. Remember I am not a professional but I am saying this because of the experience I have gone through previously. I wish him quick recovery. He may later be referred to CBT alongside the medication perhaps.
 
J

Jin's girl

New member
Joined
Apr 7, 2015
Messages
2
Hi Jin's Girl, welcome to the forum.

I would really like to answer your questions, but it is quite hard, because I don't know all that is / has been happening, and there are a lot of assumptions, but I will have a go.

But firstly, you say you have noticed his symptoms over the last two years, and have known him for ten years, yet his family seem to be thinking it started when he met you. Do they think he has had these experiences over a longer period? Why would they blame you?

His delusions. I have delusions and can tell you that they feel totally real, so that it is impossible not to believe them, even if they are ridiculous. I have people in my life who tell me they are not real and so I don't act,on the delusions (much!) and I can even see they can be ridiculous. He can learn to deal with them, once he can accept that he does suffer from delusions. I think you are right to say what you do to him, he isn't lying, that is what he really thinks is happening.

In hospital he can be committed, and can be made to take medication. Usually these days people are not in hospital for very long, maybe a few weeks at the most. You can check with the hospital about their visiting rules. Presumably he can tell them he wants you to visit, even if his parents object.

Please ask more questions if you like.

Sarah
Thanks so much for your reply. Can you share with me what people have said to you that was helpful or made you feel loved and secure? What did people say to you that was NOT helpful. My boyfriend has such a paranoid component that I constantly fear he will distrust me. How did the people in your life gain/keep your trust?
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
I think the most important thing is how your relationship is, that you are close and have that bond. That is at the base of everything. What you have been saying, that you understand he believes those things, that he is not lying because that is his perception of reality, is good.

I don't tell people generally what is going on, I am quite isolated at the moment, there are two people I am close to who know what is happening. The worst things they have said in the past was that I should just stop all this nonsense.My brother used to think it was funny and joke about it, but I didn't mind that really because we had a good relationship that could encompass that. However I wouldn't advise joking about it. Now they both take it in their stride, they may still tell me it isn't really happening, but in a gentle way. And sometimes I will ask them what is really going on, and I know they will tell me the truth. That is important because the experience can be frightening and overwhelming.

I know some other people deal with delusions this way. Delusions can be about all sorts of things, and some choose to keep believing them and incorporate them into their lives. But you can't do that very easily with these kind of paranoid delusions (being watched / followed etc). That is the kind I have mostly too.

I think what is important is that you already have a strong bond, and that you keep reassuring him that you do care and believe in him (if not his delusions) and will be there for him.
 
Top