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Advice needed for a relationship with someone suffering with severe depression

W

Wolf_Wolf

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Sep 4, 2020
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Hey, im not entirely sure if this topic is best suited here but I thought id give it a shot :)

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and a half and there is nothing i wouldnt do for her I love her to bits and we are both uni students.
To put it bluntly without going into detail she has had the shittest deal in terms of shit happening to her in life that I have ever come across in person, from family to school to friends and financially it shocks me how she is still managing to sometimes have a smile on her face.
She was diagnosed with clinical depression in january this year and has been downhill ever since, she will cry every other night about how much she hates herself and self harms. She has had a change of drugs and they still don't seem to help much, she is very much trying to avoid getting therapy because she feels she wants to be on the right drugs before that happens but even then whenever i bring it up when it gets bad she refuses to talk to me about it.

She will breakdown and tell me how much I dont deserve to be in this situation and all but in my mind she has given me plenty of easy ways out if I felt it was going to be bringing me down but I love her and just want to be there for her.

It has gotten very bad in the last 2 weeks where she is getting really upset as she says she struggles to feel happy with me, she says she still loves me and ofc would hate to not be with me but cant seem to feel any happiness or love and it makes the relationship feel like its taking a toll on her which I hate of course.

It is made more tricky by the fact I am paying half of her rent and supporting her this way as she has gotten minimum loan and parents barely speak to her .

Honestly im not expecting anyone to be able to magically say something that will make this all sorted/better but I was just seeing if there was any advice you guys could give.
Thank you so much for reading !!
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Did she say she did not love you? or that her depression was taking away feelings of love and that upset her?
 
T

TimeOutForTina

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Aug 15, 2020
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66
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Nottingham
Hey, im not entirely sure if this topic is best suited here but I thought id give it a shot :)

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and a half and there is nothing i wouldnt do for her I love her to bits and we are both uni students.
To put it bluntly without going into detail she has had the shittest deal in terms of shit happening to her in life that I have ever come across in person, from family to school to friends and financially it shocks me how she is still managing to sometimes have a smile on her face.
She was diagnosed with clinical depression in january this year and has been downhill ever since, she will cry every other night about how much she hates herself and self harms. She has had a change of drugs and they still don't seem to help much, she is very much trying to avoid getting therapy because she feels she wants to be on the right drugs before that happens but even then whenever i bring it up when it gets bad she refuses to talk to me about it.

She will breakdown and tell me how much I dont deserve to be in this situation and all but in my mind she has given me plenty of easy ways out if I felt it was going to be bringing me down but I love her and just want to be there for her.

It has gotten very bad in the last 2 weeks where she is getting really upset as she says she struggles to feel happy with me, she says she still loves me and ofc would hate to not be with me but cant seem to feel any happiness or love and it makes the relationship feel like its taking a toll on her which I hate of course.

It is made more tricky by the fact I am paying half of her rent and supporting her this way as she has gotten minimum loan and parents barely speak to her .

Honestly im not expecting anyone to be able to magically say something that will make this all sorted/better but I was just seeing if there was any advice you guys could give.
Thank you so much for reading !!
Hi there,
So sorry for you both. It sounds like the medication needs to be looked at first. Only once she starts to feel a little better can you and her see how you both feel about the relationship.
I do hope things improve shortly for you x
 
W

Wolf_Wolf

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Joined
Sep 4, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Aberystwyth
Did she say she did not love you? or that her depression was taking away feelings of love and that upset her?
No the opposite , she said she loves me and all but it’s the depression that makes her not happy If that makes sense
 
W

Wolf_Wolf

New member
Joined
Sep 4, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Aberystwyth
Hi there,
So sorry for you both. It sounds like the medication needs to be looked at first. Only once she starts to feel a little better can you and her see how you both feel about the relationship.
I do hope things improve shortly for you x
Yea honestly The relationship is the least of my concern at the moment I just want her to be in a good place and be happy. She gets really upset and refuses to talk about it to me when I try and suggest she gets help/therapy . She was told her new meds take 6 weeks before side affects go away and she’s nearing the end of the 4th but it’s just a struggle at the moment
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Side effects might go away sooner. She might also feel better after 2 weeks, and gradually improve. Is she being given medication by her GP?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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This might help her to see how she is feeling every few days, if there is an improvement or not, so she knows when to return to her doctor. Please encourage her to go back as often as needed as she doesn't have to live with depression, medication should make her feel quite a lot better soon. They have helped me many times out of major depression.
 
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