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Advice for talking to SO about being bipolar?

B

bipolar_j

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2019
Messages
6
Location
USA
Hi,

I'm new here. I used to be apart of a forum way back when and then I had a paranoia attack and deleted all social media. I thought I'd join again because when I was good, it was good. I liked having people to talk to.

Anyway.

When I first met my fiance, I was very open about my mental health issues and he told me some things that I felt like maybe he could understand me. However, that hasn't been the case. Despite what he went through, it was more situational. So to him, being depressed or manic or paranoid or anxious is just mind over matter. Eventually you'll come out of it and to help you along, you have to push through whatever your feeling. He treats mental health issues like overcoming a fear of heights. BLAH. I try explaining that that just isn't how it is for someone with bipolar, but he still doesn't understand. It's frustrating and sometimes we fight.

But it's especially hard when I'm cycling and I know I am because I can feel it. He expects me to talk about it, and I try to, but he also gets very insulted when I can't open up/ or can't explain something/ or when there's no underlining reason for anything I'm feeling / or talking doesn't fix it.

So, I'm just looking for advice. How to I talk about it?
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
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Apr 9, 2011
Messages
33,671
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi ,welcome back to the forum
my boyfriend also has bipolar and I want to be there for him so I will watch the replies here with interest
I don't know much about bipolar so far but am trying to learn more
I think good communication is really important and maybe you could both sit down when you are well and talk about how he can best help you when you are high/low/cycling
please lean on the forum for support there are a number of members with bipolar here who I hope wlll be able to advise you and I can offer support
love Lu xxx
 
C

CaptainFlint

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
96
Location
West Coast U.S.
This definitely is very hard..

I have bipolar, and trying to explain myself to my extraordinarily level-headed dad has confused him to this day. He's very supportive, but what I've experienced is this; anyone who hasn't experienced a mental health issue will simply never be able to understand it. Like you can't explain to a blind person what sight is like, it's just not quite possible.

What you can do though, is continue to try to explain how you feel. And maybe try to do so especially during times where you yourself feel level headed and unemotional. I find it's especially hard to articulate my feelings while I'm actually feeling them, and it's easier to be objective when I'm in a more neutral state of mind. I think for people that don't understand what we experience, it's important to frame the description of how we feel in an extremely logical manner, so that they can process it on some practical level.

Like you say, it's not a "mind over matter" thing that we can will ourselves out of, and people that don't experience that find it near impossible to understand.

I'm lucky in that my ex girlfriend was aware of my bipolar, and never really brought it up or judged me for it. But even she didn't quite understand it. Most of my friends didnt understand it either. I wish I had a better overall answer for you, but it's always going to be a little tough for people to totally relate to your feelings. So the best thing you can do is try to surround yourself with good people that at least are accepting, if not totally getting what you go through on a daily basis
 
calypso

calypso

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Jan 5, 2011
Messages
44,057
Location
Lancashire
I would suggest you buy him a book on it. I'm wracking my brains for the brilliant one I know about. I remember now - "bipolar disorder: the ultimate guide" by Sarah Owen and Amanda Saunders. Its on offer on Amazon at the moment - about £9. I don't know how much it is in dollars. I highly recommend it and ask him to read it. Its well written and easy to read. Insist that if he does nothing else to help you, he reads that book
 
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